It’s Not About The Sex is a podcast based on the book by the same name. Psychotherapist Andrew Susskind examines issues such as shame, grief, narcissism, and codependency to demonstrate how people use out-of-control sexual behavior to cope with broken heartedness. Each podcast he interviews other therapists who work with clients dealing with addictive behaviors around troubled relationships.
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Learn to meet your struggles with kindness through this gentle meditation developed by Chris Germer and Kristin Neff. This practice guides you through working with a moderately stressful situation in your life, whether it's a health concern, relationship difficulty, or work pressure, using the three pillars of self-compassion: mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness.
A tender, contemplative meditation adapted from Joan Halifax's work that gently guides you through the difficult terrain of loss and sorrow. This practice invites you to sit with your grief compassionately, using reflective phrases to open to pain, find inner resources, and practice self-forgiveness for things left undone or unmet needs. Rather than avoiding or rushing through grief, this…
We all experience loss in one form or another throughout life. In this mindfulness meditation we will focus on grief and loss as opportunities to live with loss rather than “getting over it.” Check it out and see how grief can be your teacher.
After 6 years, 128 episodes and 60 guests, the podcast is winding down. It’s a bittersweet moment to say goodbye and to express gratitude to everyone involved in this collaborative experience. Although the podcast is ending, it will be available indefinitely on most platforms as well as www.westsidetherapist.com. Andrew and Sue thank all of you from the bottom of their hearts, and don’t forget, to…
In Chapter 10 of Andrew’s workbook he investigates sexual health through a non- pathologizing, destigmatizing lens. Themes include: defining sexual health, reviving pleasure and fantasy as an ally. This candid conversation takes a look at the intersection of 12 step recovery and sexual health as we open up a larger dialogue to exploring your authentic sexual self. Give yourself a few minutes to…
In this episode we turn the tables on our podcast producer, Sue Merlino to discuss her services called Clear Pathways. With a combination of coaching and organizing one’s physical space, Sue describes the valuable benefits to all of us, including those struggling with addiction or emotional challenges. In addition to walking clients through organizational skills, Sue also provides time management…
If you scratch the surface of compulsive sexual behavior, you’ll find intimacy avoidance. In this powerful episode, Susskind and Merlino look through the lens of attachment as they discuss the challenges and opportunities related to truly receiving love in recovery. With a focus on avoidant and anxious attachment styles they discuss the often-misunderstood term love addiction as well as the…
In this podcast we welcome Stefanie Klein, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, NARM Master Therapist, Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and Consultant based in Los Angeles who shares a refreshing take on shame through the lens of the Neuro-Affective Relational Model (NARM). You will learn about shame as a verb rather than an emotion and how it functions as an adaptive process. Because shame is…
Following the subjects from Chapter 8 in The It’s Not About the Sex Workbook, Andrew and Sue explore themes of long-term recovery including purpose, spirituality and legacy—all in the context of Positive Psychology and deeper soul-searching. How do spirituality, religion and purpose intersect with one another? Or not? Asking the bigger questions and staying away from exact answers is where the…
Tim Harrington, founder of Family Coaching Services joins the podcast as he addresses the following topics: building a meaningful life post-recovery, especially by emphasizing healthy relationships, self-discovery and aligning actions with deeper values. Based on a depth of personal and professional experience, Tim offers practical steps for creating a more satisfying and purposeful recovery as…
In this episode we take a closer look at Chapter 7 of Andrew’s workbook and examine some of the essential ingredients of contentment including gratitude, connection and unconditional love. Distinctions are made among the terms joy, happiness and contentment as we discuss core values, visioning and purposeful goals. Listen to this optimistic episode as you choose to enhance contentment in your life…
Rafael Cortina, a San Diego-based therapist joins the podcast to discuss some of his valuable and wise perspectives on healing from addictive, compulsive behaviors. He shares the following themes: the functional understanding of addiction, the interwoven nature of trauma and addiction, the necessity of curiosity from both the therapist and client as well as “relational space healing”. Check out…
During this conversation Andrew and Sue take a deeper dive into Chapter Six Feeling the Feelings from The It’s Not About the Sex Workbook. Maybe it looks simple on the surface, but Andrew highlights the sustainable benefits of deeper emotional awareness and expression. With an emphasis on anger, hurt, fear and loneliness, we explore the feelings language that is often missed in childhood. Take a…
In this episode we welcome Katie Griffin, a nationally-recognized group consultant and leader in the field. She brings her passion and enthusiasm to other practitioners and believes firmly in the power of group to help individuals become more fully alive. In this candid and revealing conversation Katie takes a closer look at sexual identity development in sustainable recovery as a portal to deeper…
Andrew and Sue discuss Chapter Five, Regulating the Nervous System from Andrew’s recent workbook. Beginning with a memoir snapshot and ending with practical strategies and action steps, they explore the following themes: following the rhythm within, identifying regulation and dysregulation, utilizing the Window of Resilience, and naming attachment styles and how they correlate with nervous system…
In this episode we welcome Dr. David Fawcett, a clinical social worker, sex therapist and two-time author specializing in chemsex and problematic sexualized drug use. Often a misunderstood form of suffering, David disentangles the complexities of these intertwined behaviors. With effective clinical strategies and decades of experience, David helps us understand a path to recovery based on a clear,…
Today’s episode focuses on Chapter Four of Andrew’s workbook as we explore the healthier side of narcissism, other-centeredness, generosity of spirit as well as longing and belonging. Beneath narcissism is broken heartedness so tune in to understand the deeper healing and trajectory from this complicated survival strategy.
In this episode we welcome Arnold McCuller, interventionist and recovery coach based in Southern California. Learn about his extensive career working as a professional vocalist which has taken a later-in-life shift toward interventions for those in the entertainment industry and beyond. Arnold can be reached at www.arnoldmcculler.com . Music credit: Neil Freebern Freebernmusic.com
Today we welcome Jean Campbell, the CEO of Action Institute of California to talk with us about psychodrama, sociometry, resourcing, and Somatic Experiencing—all in the context of compulsive sexual behavior, addictions in general as well as trauma. With 30 years of expertise, Jean brings together groups of people to heal from their broken-heartedness. She can be reached at…
In this episode we examine Chapter Three of Andrew’s workbook as we encourage curiosity and non-judgment about shame. Although shame never goes away entirely, you can respond to it differently. In this discussion we explore the following: building shame resiliency, taming the inner critic and practicing mindful self-compassion. Tune in to see how shame can be normalized and diminished in your life…
On today’s episode we warmly welcome back clinical psychologist Joni Lavick, who is a seasoned expert on attachment theory and its applications. In this informative conversation we cover the following: the history of attachment theory, misconceptions, how to understand your own patterns, and the correlation between attachment strategies and addictive behaviors and more. Please tune in to this…
Grief and loss is often overlooked or avoided in our society. Andrew and Sue take this opportunity to delve into this often-misunderstood topic of grief and loss and its implications on long-term recovery from sexual compulsivity. Andrew shares a “memoir snapshot” as well as specific practices to consider using toward living more peacefully and openheartedly with the inevitable losses that come…
In this intimate conversation, Jen Davis takes us on a journey that most of us avoid. From her own transformative experiences with grief, Jen shares the curiosity, the wonder and the ultimate path to living a fuller life. Through a lens of self-compassion, honesty and forgiveness we explore the limitless possibilities and challenges that go along with grief recovery. Co-collaborating with grief…
Today’s episode featuring Andrew and Sue focuses on Emotional Resilience, the lead chapter of Andrew’s workbook. In the original book, the first chapter explored Emotional Sobriety, but the word resilience is more aligned with Andrew’s current focus on regulating the nervous system. This episode kicks off a monthly spotlight on each workbook chapter. Music credit: Neil Freebern Freebernmusic.com
Today’s episode is Sexual Recovery: From a Nightmare to a Love Story. We welcome Steve Wolt, founder of Valor Recovery, a peer-based recovery coaching and support system to help men overcome porn abuse, sexual compulsivity and intimacy challenges. By discussing the promises of sexual recovery, Steve offers hope and inspiration to his clients and our listeners. He shares the differences among…
Andrew’s latest release The It’s Not About the Sex Workbook: Moving from Isolation to Intimacy after Sexual Compulsivity (Routledge Press, 2024) is now available for purchase on Amazon, and he and Sue wanted to take this opportunity to explore Andrew’s journey with his three books from 2004 to 2024. Andrew shares the opportunities and challenges that go along with the writing process and the…
At this time of unrest in the world, it’s even more important to focus our attention on lovingkindness toward self and others. Adapted from a meditation developed by the Mindfulness Awareness Research Center (MARC) at UCLA, this timely exercise provides an opportunity to carve out some time to cultivate the love and kindness within.
We welcome Dr. Tom Murray, author of Making Nice with Naughty which explores the intricate dynamics of self-control and its impact on sexual and intimate relationships. During this provocative conversation, issues related to the over-controlled temperament, monogamy and the wanting vs. willing dynamic in sexual relationships are explored fully. Tune into this very relevant and overlooked theme.…
Adapted from Jack Canfield’s book The Success Principles, this visioning exercise gives you an opportunity to envision the coming year without limiting yourself. By examining the seven areas he developed, this will invite you to open the aperture to the limitless possibilities ahead of you. It’s not that anything has to happen, but simply what could happen – Dr. Sam Foster Music Credit: Neil…
Mellissa McCracken is a trauma informed substance abuse counselor working in an acute treatment setting in Los Angeles. In this episode we explore consensual non-monogamy, polyamory, and open relationships all in the context of sexual recovery and more. Mellissa brings her expertise and wisdom within the LGBTQI+ community into this valuable conversation. Please join us to learn more about these…
Andrew and Sue offer an abundance of tips to help navigate the 2023- 2024 holidays and beyond. Borrowed from Andrew’s new book, The It’s Not About the Sex Workbook (Routledge Press, February 2023), these tips are part of the practices outlined at the end of his workbook. Take a listen and try out a few tips that resonate for you.
Porn has inadvertently become a form of sex education in our culture, but it’s actually entertainment. Diane Gleim is a psychotherapist as well as a certified sex therapist who brings her seasoned perspective and wisdom to this often-misunderstood topic. In this conversation she helps us explore the ambiguity of porn, the suspension of disbelief, moral incongruence as well as erotic conflicts.…
How often do we forget to simply breathe? Listen to this guided meditation as an opportunity to take stock of your breath non-judgmentally and with curiosity. In this brief exercise you will build body and breath awareness and see where this moment of relaxation may take you. This exercise has been modified from a meditation originally developed by the Mindfulness Awareness Research Center (MARC)…
In this episode we welcome psychotherapist, sex therapist, author and trainer, Michael Vigorito as we discuss the motivation for change through a sexual health lens. He is the co-author of Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior: Rethinking Sex Addiction with Douglas Braun-Harvey, a refreshing, non- pathologizing and research-based text. Take a listen to this informative sexual health conversation…
In this episode Andrew and Sue examine the differences between clinical depression, seasonal mood changes and generalized sadness. Depression sometimes shows up side-by-side with sexual compulsivity, but how do you know how to tackle these complicated issues? Listen to the many ways that depression manifests and some practical tips you can try at home.
In this episode we welcome Klifton Fehr, a counselor based in South Florida who works extensively within the corporate sector as a coach and trainer. With a focus on inspirational influences, we explore the many directions mental health and group therapy has taken him through the years. Learn about the differences between counseling and coaching as well as the avenues he continues to develop.…
Andrew and Sue take a look at the past five years since the original book It’s Not About the Sex was born. In this episode Andrew reveals the big news about his companion workbook to be released in the Spring of 2024 (Routledge Press, New York City). We discuss the evolution of thinking that has accompanied this process as well as the many influences of this latest project. Listen to this lively…
This episode features psychotherapist and spiritual seeker, Claudia Lewis, LMFT as we discuss her recent provocative book entitled Happy, Silly, Wise: Creating a Magical Life in Challenging Times. Themes such as “not enough-ness”, human being vs. human doing, letting go of seriousness and cultivating creativity are just some of the topics explored. Contact Claudia at www.claudialewistherapy.com .
In this meditation we focus on the possibility of holding both pleasant and unpleasant feelings/ sensations simultaneously. Borrowed from the Mindful Awareness Research Center (MARC) at UCLA, this mindfulness exercise allows you to feel your capacity to hold whatever life has to offer you. For more information and mindfulness resources, visit www.marc.ucla.edu .
As a bilingual, bicultural clinician, Dr. Carlos Canales comes to us from Des Moines, Iowa with an open heart and a clinical wisdom that transcends traditional recovery. In this stimulating conversation, he discusses the “many necessary recoveries” every person needs to engage in for well-being. With an emphasis on the vulnerability and courage it takes to seek growth in recovery, Dr. Canales…
In this episode Andrew and Sue explore the Window of Resilience, originally coined by Dr. Dan Siegel as the Window of Tolerance. Building somatic awareness is part of long-term, sustainable recovery, and this descriptive diagram illuminates the contrast between regulation and dysregulation. Learn simple strategies to move toward resilience and embodiment including conscious breathing, grounding,…
In this episode we welcome Nate Larkin, founder of a mutual aid society for Christian Men called the Samson Society and co-host of two podcasts, The Pirate Monk and the Positive Sobriety Podcast. Nate brings his salt-of-the-earth approach to 12 step recovery as we discuss the movement from isolation, loneliness, and resistance to humility, intimacy and deeper connection. Don’t miss this…
Andrew returned from his annual pilgrimage to the American Group Psychotherapy Association (AGPA) conference feeling well-fed and fortified with the love around him. AGPA has become a staple of love for both Andrew’s professional and personal life so tune in to learn more about how “receiving love” is a necessary component of long-term sustainable recovery. Andrew and Sue explore the ways love is…
In this episode Mariya Javed-Payne, LICSW visits with us from her program located in Eden Prairie, Minnesota. Not only does she share valuable and comprehensive information about healing from ritualized self-soothing activities but she also embodies a heart-centered, relationship-focused approach. Mariya is a Brainspotting trainer as well as owner of Awaken Consulting Services and co-owner of…
Susskind and Merlino explore the sacred nature of men’s therapy groups and the lasting benefits such as shame resilience, self-compassion, empathy and emotional risk-taking just to name a few. Listen to this episode and learn how men’s groups can be a catalyst for sustainable healing from both addiction and trauma recovery.
Practical Psychotherapist Joni Lavick, LMFT joins us today on the podcast as we discuss Assets-based Therapy and The Elusive Nature of Feeling Good About Yourself. In this episode, Joni walks us through the correlation between Attachment and Addictions and also illuminates what she calls assets-based therapy. Tune in to this refreshing, positive conversation regarding sustainable addiction…
The Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu visited together for five days in 2015 resulting in a book and a documentary developed from their conversations of inspiration and wisdom. Andrew and Sue discuss the profound nature of their brief visit and the depth of their spiritual leadership. In this episode we try to capture just a little bit of the joy and compassion that were exuded in this extraordinary…
Andrew leads you through a personal favorite, a Visioning exercise adapted from Jack Canfield’s book The Success Principles. It’s not about getting caught in the “supposed to’s” or what others think is best for you. Instead, it’s an opportunity for soul-searching and expansiveness as you consider the limitless possibilities ahead of you. As you listen to this guided visioning exercise, you’ll…
In this New Year’s episode Andrew and Sue discuss the Visioning exercise originally developed by Jack Canfield. Playing with the possibilities, asking yourself what you truly want and desire and giving yourself the freedom to unlock your twelve-month vision. Often utilized by coaches, visioning allow you to take a closer look at where you are and where you want to be in the future. Join this…
Today we welcome Dr. Martha Koo, Board Certified in Psychiatry and Addiction Medicine, who describes the treatment of depression with Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS). Dr. Koo shares the history and current usage of TMS with patients who have not responded effectively with antidepressants or ECT. This cutting-edge approach is a best-kept secret in the mental health field so don’t miss this…
