Love Island: The Scariest People Are the Ones That Say All The Right Things

I went to bed thinking about last night’s Love Island episode. I dreamt about Love Island. I woke up thinking about Love Island.

There’s so much to unpack, but the thing that keeps gnawing at me — after watching and spiraling into fan commentary online — is KC. Both because the deadpan look on his face when talking to Aniya sent shivers down my spine and because he had clearly been holding onto resentment for weeks.

The scariest people to me aren’t the ones that are outwardly toxic or terrible. They tell on themselves pretty quickly.

They’re the ones who say all the right things. They know exactly what is going to make you feel seen and understood and supported. The ones that have convinced everyone around them — including themselves — that they’re one of the “good ones.”

That is, until the dam bursts, the mask falls and they can no longer hide how they actually feel and what they actually want to say and do. When we learn that they have been resenting us the entire time — all because of a wound we didn’t even know was there.

And we are all left wondering if we ever knew them at all.

If I’m so honest with you, I’ve been extremely skeptical of KC from the beginning, not because I thought he was a bad person, but because it so often felt like he was posturing and performing — in a way that felt different than the other Islanders.

It all started with one of the first challenges where the Islanders were asked to stand in front of the door that represented them: are you a dog, cat or plant person. KC decided to stand in front of the plant door, not because he actually is a plant person, but because he thought it was “edgy” and what he was supposed to do to be chosen.

“I’m thinking ‘women love plants.’”

And last night, he made it extremely clear that he is still holding resentment from not being chosen that day. He is still bitter and angry about something that happened in the very first episode. 20 episodes ago.

As our queen Trinity pointed out when he brought it up last night:

“We didn’t know you”

KC never took the time to understand that maybe no one was on the other side of the door because he did what he thought people would like, instead of showing the women who he actually is. That first impressions do matter, but they aren’t the end-all-be-all of how someone feels about you.

All he understood was the rejection he felt in that moment and the resentment he felt toward everyone that caused it. Everything that came after was just fueling the fire.

On one hand, I loved how KC was willing to both call out on national television the colorism bias that drives beauty standards and affirm Aniya as the beautiful woman that she is.

On the other, there was a hollowness — and lack of actual empathy and understanding — in his words and actions that gave me pause. They weren’t as overt and open as Corbin’s, but they still had this underlying bite to them that didn’t sit right with me.

If you really see how darker-skinned women “get the shorter end of the stick,” then why are you also constantly putting her down and invalidating her feelings? If you really feel that she is the blueprint, then why are you constantly (subtly) victimizing yourself and villainizing her to the other men?

People like Corbin openly show us who they are — and own it — but people like KC pretend to care and hold space for others when all they’re actually doing is holding space for themselves.

For the version of them that gets chosen and is well-liked by others. And the version of them that they can use to continue to tell themselves how great they actually are.

A lot of people have been shocked that KC would do all of this. After all, the man has a huge “STILL I RISE” tattoo on his back that is a reference to Maya Angelou’s iconic poem that became an anthem for overcoming injustice and empowering and uplifting Black women.

But here’s the thing about people like this. They genuinely believe that they are what they claim to be.

They can’t see just how much their words don’t match their actions — and that makes it next to impossible for us to see it too.

The sociologist Erving Goffman talks about how social life is like a theatrical performance.

People are often moving through the world as actors adjusting their performances for the different stages they find themselves on. We create our characters — aka our social identities — based on the setting and audience in front of us.

And in its real-time, Islander-and-audience responsive, 24/7 surveillance format, Love Island is one of the most complex stages of them all.

This social identity construction is something we all do to some extent. It’s the way we survive in our complicated world. The front stage is the version of ourselves we present to others. It’s meant to project a certain perception of ourselves. The backstage is where we break character, where we exist in what is actually true.

We spend much of our lives trying to strike the balance between our own authenticity and our survival in various social dynamics. And as we learn more and unpack our identities, we get closer and closer to finding it.

But what happens when we are forced to confront the stark contrast between who we think we are and who we actually are based on our actions? When the story we’ve told ourselves is proven wrong and the truth is laid out for the world to see.

We experience a cognitive dissonance so overwhelming that we end up revealing the reality of what lies underneath. And finally show who we are like KC did when he came back with TiTi from Casa Amor.

Cognitive Dissonance Theory talks about how we want our attitudes, beliefs and actions to be in alignment, otherwise we feel a sense of immense internal discomfort. Consistency across the three is key.

And when you add in our need to also find congruence between our ideal self, our perceived self and our actual life experiences, the discomfort becomes too much to bear. At this point, we have to do something about it.

And what we do in these moments reveals the reality of what actually is. I mean, KC even said it when he came back from Casa Amor with TiTi.

“I can’t come back here and not be real me.”

To relieve this discomfort, we can:

1. Change our behaviors or beliefs to match our values (the hardest one)

2. Change our beliefs and understanding to justify our actions (including adding new details that aren’t true)

3. Reject and dismiss any evidence that exacerbates this dissonance

4. Avoid any situation (or person) that might make it worse

After spending weeks convincing himself, Aniya — and much of America — that he was the epitome of a loyal, supportive, emotionally mature partner, he finally had a moment to escape into the fantasy of Casa, free of the perception and spotlight from the other OG women.

KC finally had the chance to bring some of his back stage to the front and act — and be treated — like the prize he really thinks he is.

“She pursued me. When I go back, my stocks finna go up.”

KC didn’t come back to the Villa a completely different person. He came back ready to do everything he could to double down on decisions and to protect the version of himself that he’d spent weeks creating and performing for Aniya, the other Islanders and all of us.

There is some truth to what KC felt in response to Aniya’s behavior. Her insecurities have been causing her to project and cling on a little too tightly. And every time he subtly dismissed her or made a backhanded comment, she unraveled and projected more and more.

The insecurity he so clearly despised was something that he also played a part in creating. And each new reaction from Aniya built his case as to why it was actually all her fault.

Where Aniya’s constant questioning and need for reassurance tested KC’s patience and challenged his perception of himself as an empathetic partner, Titi’s bold pursuit and pedestalling, affirmed the story he had been telling himself all along.

“With Aniya, we fit but it took time and effort. With TiTi, it was effortless.”

It was so much easier for him to justify his actions, alter the narrative of his past behavior and remove himself from a partnership that caused incongruence and dissonance than it is to ask why the discomfort might be happening in the first place.

But here’s the thing: whether he realized it or not, he revealed to us exactly why he was doing this. He was holding onto the hurt and anger he felt from opening his door in the first episode to no one waiting for him on the other end.

“I picked you even when the first day, nobody picked me. Let’s not forget that part.”

The rejection cut so deep that everything he did from then on was in response to that deep-rooted pain. Everything he said to Aniya and the other boys. All of his actions to win over the audience’s heart. It made no difference that Aniya did choose him in every other way.

The only important part was that he finally got to be chosen in his way — and got the opportunity to punish the people that made him feel that way in the first place.

When our identities are built on ego, our character and performances are extremely fragile. Discomfort is danger. Contradictions are threats. Call outs are the final straw.

In that moment, KC had to do whatever it took to protect himself. It didn’t matter how the other Islanders perceived him, even though part of his fate lies in their hands. It didn’t matter that he needed to win over the audience to have an actual shot at making it to the end.

All that mattered was that he didn’t have to change.

“This decision isn’t for Aniya, it’s for me.”

The scariest part to me about all of this — and the instance where something similar happened to me — is that these people make it nearly impossible for us to spot them before things get to this point.

Why? Because they genuinely believe it too.

There actually is alignment between their attitudes, beliefs and actions, so we don’t actually sense the incongruence the way we can with people like Corbin.

It’s much easier to get past someone’s lie detection if you believe in your version of the truth.

And when their mask finally drops and the truth is revealed, it shakes us to our core. We trusted this person. Put our faith in what they said. Gave them part of ourselves.

But it turns out that they actually resented us the entire time.

At least we finally know who KC actually is. Now the only question is whether or not Aniya will trust what we all saw or keep holding onto hope that what he told her was real.