Turning off the tap to tune in

Chatting this morning with a friend (Bec Seth) - reminded me of how far I’ve come in the last few years. A few years ago, I couldn’t imagine sharing myself, let alone my thoughts, in the public sphere (my 8 subscribers), but now I am writing to you all to share what I’ve been up to the last few months.

After completing the Genesis Design Challenge, a 10 week peer-to-peer learning journey hosted and facilitated by Justin Taylor - S³, I’ve been designing and implementing systems to keep my creative output flowing.

Creating and sharing beauty, in the form of photos, videos, text and audio has become a key practice for me, allowing me to lighten up, and loosen the constrictions within me and around me. That’s what I’m calling Rubinstein Productions.

But it’s not so simple - the information ecosystem we swim in is overwhelming and cruel, rewarding fear and anger more than care and consideration. Over the last year couple years I’ve become an active participant in our information economy, sharing bits and pieces of myself, and letting the algorithms swallow me up and spit me out. As I’ve started to “produce” publically, I’ve become more aware of how much I consume. Endless amounts of information, much of it stored unconsciously, lives within me. I’ve begun to slow down, trying to balance out how much I consume, how much I produce, and how much I am still, present with my internal and external environments without a purpose. And in addition to regulating my social media use, I’ve deleted terabytes of data, simplifying my internal information ecosystem down to the essentials.

I’m reminded of a memory: I’m 15 years old, in my room, on my computer, opening tabs, googling keywords I didn’t understand, becoming a polymath in real time. Interested in all things except my homework. I didn’t know then, that I was wiring my brain for exploration rather than discipline, for searching externally for information rather than looking within.

And it’s not so bad - I wouldn’t have it any other way. Sometimes we need to venture very far away in order to understand what has been with us all along. A few years later, I’m introduced to seated meditation, and find an equally rich world of sensations, thoughts, emotions and intuitions, all awaiting my conscious attention.

It’s been ten years of trying to hold that balance, of exploring the world, exploring myself, and dedicating myself to integrating these two (read: two is an illusion) worlds.