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IronShrink

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New Substack Account

Howdy, Just a quick update for my blog subscribers. You’ve probably noticed I haven’t posted here in a while. That’s partly because I have been knee-deep in a new project. It’s a novel, due out in 2026. If you would like to follow my progress, I’ve set up a new Substack page. I’ll mostly be [ ]

New Video: What Men Should Know about Couple Therapy

I cut this joke from my latest video because it’s cheesy and it detracted from the message, but I still like it: A husband and wife visited their couple’s therapist. The woman complained that her husband usually wakes up grumpy in the morning. The therapist asked the man, “is that true?” The man replied, “No, [ ]

Book Recommendation: Troubled

Rob Henderson’s Troubled: A Memoir of Foster Care, Family, and Social Class will probably stir you to reflect upon your own upbringing. Were you surrounded by love and composure, or was your childhood marked by chaos? A stable, loving family primes a child to focus on success rather than mere survival. That much is obvious, [ ]

New Video: How Long Does Infatuation Last?

In a nod to this blog’s origin, here’s an old-fashioned Q A post. In a departure from that origin, this one is a video. (YouTube existed back in 2006, but just barely. Jawed Karim uploaded the first video in 2005, titled “Me at the Zoo,” in which he helpfully explained that elephants have long trunks.) In [ ]

Imaginary Solutions Require Imaginary Problems

If psychologists have a superpower, it’s a heightened ability to notice what’s missing from a conversation. (That, and we can read minds.) Sometimes what people don’t say is more important than the words they use. The Washington Post recently published this article on intergenerational trauma. The author said many things about the topic, but she [ ]

I Gambled Today

Maybe you have heard the news: men are dropping out. Word on the street is that men across the globe are unemployed, uneducated, out of shape, and above all, lonely. I’ve learned to be skeptical of catastrophic headlines. It’s true that many boys and men are struggling for reasons too complex to discuss here, but [ ]

Do Psychopaths Know They’re Psychopaths?

Have you ever read the official definition of antisocial personality disorder? It describes someone who acts like Tony Soprano: remorseless, deceitful, impulsive, and violent. Pretty dramatic. The psychopath next door is different. He’s more like George “it’s not a lie if you believe it” Costanza. He’s manipulative, uncaring, and neither a genius nor industrious. Psychopathy [ ]

If You Can’t Understand Why Someone Did Something…

Have you ever squared off against someone pushing food you don’t want, and they won’t take no for an answer? They tend to badger people with less-than-compelling arguments like this: But you haven’t tried MY zucchini! The more tenacious ones will argue well past the point of incivility. If you ask them why it’s so [ ]

Nothing Says “I Love You” Like a Prenup

I once heard a rabbi say the possibility of divorce is a positive force in a marriage because it’s an incentive to be well-mannered. I agree. The urge to be courteous is reduced if your spouse has no escape. At least that’s what Anne Boleyne told me. However, I would add an important qualifier: the [ ]

The Hidden Workings of “When It’s Good, It’s Great”

Have you ever mistaken a label for an explanation? I have. I once asked a physician about the annoying little tremor in my hands. I told her I’d had it all my life, as did my father. “Don’t worry,” she said in a confident tone. “Those are just benign familial tremors.” “Oh,” I said as [ ]