How Do You Know If They're The One?

Well, you did it. You survived years of situationships, right-person-wrong-times, unrequited loves, so-called healthy relationships that didn’t quite feel true to yourself even if everything was right on paper and Lord knows you should be happy but you just can’t will yourself to be, first dates that left you wondering if there were even any sentient people left on the planet, and you even survived that guy who started jerking off while you were breaking up over the phone. I’m genuinely proud of you cause that was a lot. Despite it all, you never gave up on the idea of love, real love, the kind you’ve thought of building since you were a kid, before you really understood what that looked like. And now you think you have it. Love, or acceptance, or a best friend you can also fuck raw, or maybe just good old-fashioned faith in another person. Who knows. This isn’t a guide on how to know if you’re in love. You should be able to figure that out from the sex, which everyone knows is the most important part of a relationship.

But see, you’re not a kid anymore and you’ve learned some lessons from your dating mishaps. You have enough experience now to know that love is not enough, even though it really really should be and no I don’t know why God would design the world this way either. You’ve experienced love before and that was also real. I refuse to discredit it. It lowkey all counts. But those times all ended in heartbreak or worse: indifference, and you look at your partner and dread the thought of your romance with them ending in the same way. This just feels different. You want this for the rest of your life. You want them to be The One. But how can you know?

Now, I’m not a couples therapist or someone even remotely qualified to help you figure that out. What I am, however, is an oldest sister who likes to hand out unsolicited life advice, and try as you might you cannot physically stop me from doing so. This is literally my computer. So here are some questions I would ask myself if I were in your shoes: