On Wednesdays, We Wear…

One of the most common fashion problems I encounter among women in a fashion rut is not bad taste. It’s typically not a budget problem either, or a shopping problem. It’s a more specific and inconvenient problem… most women dress for a version of themselves that doesn’t exist.

The woman most people are dressing for is the woman who is perpetually ahead. It’s the woman who has the evenings that justify those trousers. She has occasions that require the silk coat. She has a black-tie wedding in Greece with an invitation that has not been mailed out yet. She has fall in New York City, which may be happening at some point… possibly this year… depending on flights. She has a life which justifies all her purchases. But that woman also lives entirely in your head, and you’ve unknowingly been furnishing her entire closet for the past few years.

I know this well because I too had furnished someone else’s wardrobe for most of my twenties. She had impeccable taste and an even better social life, but she was not me. Not only did this create a real problem for my actual wardrobe- the one wardrobe that belonged to a woman who does exist, with a much more real schedule and real social life- but it left me with less money, beautiful pieces, and nowhere to wear them.

The gap between a wardrobe you own and one you can actually wear is an issue I’ve seen in more individuals than I’d like to admit. Closing that gap isn’t a solution to shopping better; it’s a self-knowledge project. I realize this may be less satisfying than having a list of things to buy or a checklist to declutter, but it’s the truest answer I can give you.

This Is a Self-Knowledge Problem

Getting dressed every day is easy when you know who you are; the issue is most of us are still figuring that out, and our closets are at the tail end of that equation. The fashion industry has a commercial interest that’s vested in ensuring that we make a great deal of purchases. We’ve developed a mentality that has put our interest on the back burner and instead allows other people to tell us what we want. We look at someone we admire wearing a studded black belt and suddenly… we need a studded black belt, but we’ve never even liked studs…or belts. We look for occasions that are months away to justify a purchase you know deep down you will never really wear. We allow our moods to tell us what we want, not what we need. We buy for the body we had six months ago or the one that we plan to have by summer, but neither of those people are currently in the changing room. All that these decisions produce is clothes. Clothes with nowhere to go.

A wardrobe requires a deeper understanding of self. What your days consist of, the events you will confidently RSVP yes to, and allowing yourself to be confident in your body now, not the standard that will be set in the past or future. The things you reach for in times of comfort, in days you’re in a rush and mornings you can’t be bothered to do your hair, are the pieces that define your wardrobe, and it’s okay to admit that, because those pieces can hold more value than a sequin dress ever will.

The Aspirational Wardrobe and What It Is Actually Costing You

Most wardrobes have two sections- the real one and the aspirational one. The real one is filled with pieces you love to grab, are most worn and maybe slightly boring because you feel like they are too overdone. The aspirational ones are perhaps in a garment bag or special area of your closet, but you don’t look at them often because you don’t know when you can wear them, each piece representing a version of your life that has not materialized or a version of yourself that has not yet arrived.

The aspirational section is not a failure of taste; every piece probably felt justified when you bought it, and none of that is your fault. You were buying within a context of a purchase rather than your actual life, but those two contexts will always diverge. The shopping environment is deliberately moulded to keep your closet aspirational, websites show pieces at their highest potential, and campaigns imagine a version of your life more interesting than your actual Tuesday. Your actual Tuesday is where the clothes must work… at work…and that is the context that matters.

The Women Who Dress for the Life They Actually Have

Dressing for the life you have does not mean you need to dress boringly, or in pieces that don’t give you confidence. On the contrary, I think the challenge of dressing for the life you have is knowing the balance of practicality and fun. A basic outfit worn with confidence is far more riveting than showing up in fringe if you don’t feel your best in it. The women who dress for the life they have are around us every day, and they are hyperaware of not performing for a life they don’t have. These women are not necessarily the most adventurous, but they often wear something that still makes them be noticed.

If there was a shortcut to this solution, I’d be stating it here, but unfortunately, I think the ruthless truth is that we need to start living our lives more and daydreaming about our future selves less. And that starts with admitting something mildly irritating: the woman you’ve been buying clothes for is not coming. Which, as annoying as it is, might be the most useful thing anyone has ever told you about your wardrobe.

This isn’t shopping advice.
It’s wardrobe literacy.

— Bai

Interiors of Fashion