Travelling Europe. Crossing a second continent off my bucket list. Being able to order from pre-made food services that I used to call a middle class luxury. Reaching my goal of 20 Substack posts in 2025 with this very post. Learning to just post the shortform content (still working on the consistency). Being more comfortable in being an adult (not quite as much as you’d expect but still…). I’ve reached a lot of cool little and big milestones this year. Some of them I could only dream about when I was a teen riddled with agoraphobia incapable of leaving my neighborhood without an intense anxiety attack or dissociating to the moon.
I look at this year and I keep being in awe. I solo travelled through parts of the continent I’ve called home for my entire life. I saw the freaking mediterranean sea! And then at the end of the year, with all my friends enabling me to book it, I went to Asia for a week, alone, to watch an event I really dreamed of all year. My teenage dream that is still ongoing is to visit all continents. Partially because that’s such a brag, partially because my late grandma needs to be embodied by someone and that someone is me. I’m also in awe because, what do you mean I’m in the middle of getting a Bachelor’s degree as the first person in my direct family line? What do you mean posting myself has become easier (which sounds crazy coming from someone with over 150 Youtube videos up from when I was a teen)? What do you mean I have some cool fucking friends that encourage me to do cool fucking shit? What do you mean age 25 and 26 have randomly hit me with a mental resilience I don’t feel like I actively worked for (I did, but it shows up so differently I might as well not have).
So yes, I’m just feeling joy and gratitude for how this year has gifted me with the knowledge that I can do basically anything that is scary. Will my uni work occasionally suffer from it when I do some solo travelling? Perhaps. But I now know that I can handle a 7h flight in economy…alone. Crazy knowledge to gain about yourself at 26.
What you DON’T see is all the lowlights of the year. How stressed out I was in the first quarter about my first solo trip in the second quarter and the urge to work ahead on uni stuff for it. You didn’t see the getting sick with the flu twice and honestly still noticing my lungs being more sensitive a couple months later. You didn’t see that when I wanted to go all-in on catching up on university stuff after my trip my summer slump hit me worse than ever. I spent all summer in my bed or at my desk being unable to focus, even with an AC next to me cooling me down. You didn’t see me survive reconnecting with people I went to school with (it was less scary than expected lol). You didn’t see the financial scares of government student subsidy fucking me over with their uselessness even though I stuck to all the deadlines. You didn’t see my sheer belief in shit working out SOMEHOW because they have to. You didn’t see how I banned myself from watching movies and shows because they affect me too much. You didn’t see me get into a sport that I’m now way too invested watching (any ADHD girlie here that’s way too sad for a day when their team didn’t do well? yeah. me.).
I’m still a human being. And thankfully I’ve learned over the years something that many seem to take until their 40s to fully grasp: You can reach your dreams and goals even if it takes extra time, but you WILL still be a human when you reach them. You will still have weaknesses, issues and random shit coming at you in life. You just become more sure in life with the years that you’ll be able to handle whatever comes at you (okay, except for a family member close to you dying, that’s a blanket allowance to not function for 6-12 months).
You know what I learned this year that fucks over most advice about financial literacy? I can budget till the cows come home, the subsidy money I get as a student will mess with me anyway. And you know what? I so far managed to find solutions anyway as well (while being angry, mind you, because not everyone has the privilege I have to be able to replan a shared budget with someone they live with or get help from a parent if absolutely necessary).
Going through this year as a social worker and a social work student has once again taught me: Neuroscience is not to be underestimated. I can do cool shit scared. I can only do cool shit scared because an alternative form of therapy got rid of mental road blocks I had that go beyond the anxiety disorder standard treatment solutions. I have the privilege of being confident enough to ask bold shit. I have the privilege of people around me when I’m financially being given a side swipe as a student. The system is still fucked.
One phrase that I believe is true more and more with the years is “Money just highlights the person someone already is” because I could be a millionaire at this point and I’d still be angry. And I deduce that from the fact that I now live a life that younger me would call upper middle class (I am by far still not remotely middle class for my country though, some services simply got more affordable to use) and I still want capitalism to end. And I also learned that there is nothing wrong with 1) wanting our current system to be different and working towards it, while 2) still desiring the thing you currently need to not be in constant agony aka money. Nuance. Dichotomy. Two things being true at the same time. Whatever you wanna call it. In a time where critical thinking feels like it’s dying we should more often look for nuance. Nuance in someone posting a highlight reel. Nuance in someone wanting the safety of money while still believing where we’re at right now as a society isn’t quite right.
I can’t fathom not seeing the world as systems that are all connected. That’s why I named this Substack the way I named it.
I look back at this year with graditude. I look forward with wanting to reach more of my goals and asking more bold questions. And I look at perpetual present time with the need for something to change for the collective. All these things can and should fit into the same human experience of having a brain with empathy and admittedly a bit of ego.
What goal or dream did you reach this year (however big or small)? Please share, I wanna be happy for other people as well. A friend of mine started painting every week. Another friend of mine finally organized several events. Tell me your achievements!!!
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