A place for me to refine my thoughts and intentions....
Two weeks ago, I emailed several companies and withdrew from interviews that, just a year ago, I would've killed for. Stopping interviewing should have been an easy decision. My wife would casually remind that I'm not into these companies, so why keep talking to them. It's bewildering how she's always weeks ahead of me realizing something. I know it's bewildering to her that I've got to get there…
When I wrote about my struggle with my weight , the thing that surprised me most was when I called myself a rugby player. I’ve never done that before, despite playing the game for 10 years. I’ve also never explicitly thought about my identity, always a vague sense of self. Reflecting on it, I realized changes to my identity evoked strong emotional reactions, often unconscious to me. Introspecting…
I can feel uncertainty looming over the software industry as the hiring frenzy of the COVID era has given way to layoffs and hiring freezes. The power transferring from employee to employer is palpable. I see former coworkers, seasoned professionals grapple with imposter syndrome, questioning their self-worth. Despite the enormous privilege they've enjoyed, the feelings weigh on them all the same.…
I started journaling two years ago. It started when I got laid off, and I unraveled my identity from work. It was also the time my wife and I tried to keep our two toddlers and terminally ill father-in-law alive under one roof. My physical needs were met, so I'd say I'm doing fine, but emotionally I needed help. So I got a therapist and started journaling, always writing like I was running out of…
I entered high school at 5'10" and 145lbs. No matter what I did, I couldn't shake being scrawny, and I hated it. I felt like I had to fight for every pound. I'd eat multiple peanut butter sandwiches a day, despite hating peanut butter. I'd drink a liter of milk and work out everyday because I wanted to be a better rugby player. That's what I said, but the truth was I wanted to be more attractive,…
I was talking to a friend, mentioning that I'm excited to talk about childhood with my therapist. The thought engrained in me that all my answers stem from there. She mentioned her therapist had her write down all dates she remembers starting at birth. The exercise has been on my mind lately but I can only recall one date and that's September 11, 2001. On September 11, my mother, father and sister…
My great-aunt passed away this week and I learned about it yesterday. My parents always shielded me from bad news. I still don't know how to feel about that. She was 82 and hadn't seen a doctor in 40 years. She lived in a village called Scoreni in Moldova. I can't picture her. Her name "Nina" evokes fond emotions. It must have been 24 years since the last time I saw her. As I think about Nina,…
There are tensions one must navigate to build a business. These tensions are universal, present in every team. They are human, yet the skills to navigate them or the understanding of how it all works are opaque. At least to me, they are. Being in my thirties, I'm still learning things about myself that seem so obvious. One such tension is between the product manager role and the engineers role.…
Meeting a founder yesterday, he asked me what kind of engineers do I hire? What kind of things do I look for? What's the vibe of the office when you walk in? I mumbled a few things off the top of my head, but I felt pretty dissatisfied with my answer. I felt I wasn't able to articulate the nuances without being all over the place. Let's start from the top. What's the goal of the team? Create…