How I Got Pregnant (& Conceived A Boy?)

I keep winding up in conversations with friends who are trying to conceive or pregnant, reeling off recommendations whilst they furiously take notes, so I thought I’d write it all down. This is part one of three resources I wish I’d had: conception, with pregnancy and birth prep to follow. And no, I’m not pregnant again - this is everything I learnt first time.

I know this can be a delicate topic as conception looks so different for everyone. I’ve pored over this piece for months in the hope that I can be sensitive, whilst also sharing from my own experience. This piece is written from the perspective of natural conception between a man and a woman, we were lucky to conceive relatively quickly and not to suffer losses this time. I know this is not everyone’s story. If you are in a harder place with any of this, I’m sending love and hope something still resonates here, even if it’s just the segment on what to do if it’s not happening yet.

Having spent most of my life trying not to get pregnant, one day something switched. I always knew I wanted children, but the shift to actually wanting that more than anything else happened quite suddenly - I went from choosing festivals and drinking at weddings to a baby being the only thing on my mind. People always say there’s never a perfect time, and I think that’s true, but I also think there’s something in you that knows when it’s what you want to prioritise.

I became fascinated by pregnancy and birth years before I experienced them myself. The more I learnt, the more I realised how much there is to know, and how little of it is widely known.

I’m not an oracle - just someone with a fairly type-A approach to some things, and conception was one of them. The irony being that the month I actually conceived was the month I had completely taken my foot off the gas (we will get into this).

In this post I cover everything I did in the lead up to getting pregnant - from fertility testing and cycle tracking to the supplements worth taking months before you even start trying.

There is also a theory on how to influence the sex of your baby (that everyone with a girl will assure you is untrue..), advice for the emotional side of trying that doesn’t get talked about enough, the details of my acupuncturist who I credit with helping me conceive and a genius idea from a friend on what to do in the months it doesn’t happen, that I wish someone had told me sooner.

None of this is prescriptive and is certainly not medical advice. Everything here is based on my own personal experience and I will not take responsibility for any average sex you may have as a result.

About a year before we started trying, my husband and I both took fertility tests to get an indicator of where we were and whether we should get a headstart. These tests look at things like AMH levels in women and sperm health in men, though how predictive they actually are of fertility is up for debate. Nothing is a guarantee either way, but as an indicator of where we were, I found it useful - if I’d gone on to take a long time to get pregnant, perhaps I would have cursed their efficacy.

I used Hertility, an at-home finger prick test, which did the job - though if you’re at all squeamish I’d recommend against collecting your own blood sample, and if you do go down that route, have someone with you. It’s worth noting that results can vary depending on what contraception you’ve been on. If I were doing it again I’d probably go to an in-person clinic where you can have an ultrasound too.

Fertility testing is something I’d encourage doing with your partner - it’s very much a joint venture, and often we assume issues sit with the woman when they don’t. There are at-home tests and in-person options for men too. With both our results looking normal, we didn’t feel the need to start any sooner than we’d originally planned.

It’s generally undisputed that going into conception in good health gives you a better chance, and that applies to both of you. Good nutrition, sleep, reducing alcohol and being mindful of what you’re exposing your body to all make a difference. Fun is important too (more on that later). I’ve heard that the health of the male at the time of conception can even impact pregnancy sickness, which feels like reason enough to make it a joint effort.

There is a lot you can do to optimise this and it can feel overwhelming, so start small and dial it up if needed. On nutrition specifically, eggs and omega-3s are worth prioritising for hormonal health and egg quality. I’ve heard ‘Nine Months That Count Forever’ by the Glucose Goddess and ‘It Starts With An Egg’ by Rebecca Fett are both good places to go deeper (I’m yet to read them myself though).

Some of the swaps I made around this time: non-toxic period products, a natural deodorant and being more mindful generally about plastics and synthetic fragrances. None of it is dramatic, but it’s good practice for pregnancy too.

Stopping contraception is the obvious first step, and it’s worth giving it some thought as it may not be totally straightforward depending on the method you’ve been using. You may well use condoms or already be tracking your cycle and feel very in tune with your body - I was not.

I had the hormonal Mirena coil and had it removed when I wanted to start trying, assuming my period would come right back. It actually took a few months to return, which I felt quite powerless over - not a huge wait, but still stressful not knowing.

I had demonised periods and glorified not having them for the six years I had the coil. I think very differently about my cycle now, after listening to this podcast, which helped me understand the importance of them and how flippantly we accept hormonal contraception.

One thing worth noting: if you’re coming off contraception, don’t assume that no period means you aren’t fertile. Your cycle may restart with ovulation before your first period arrives, so if you’re not yet ready to try, bear that in mind.

Below: the emotional reality of trying, my magic acupuncturist’s details, what a tarot card reader told me, an unscientific theory on baby sex and why not being pregnant yet can be a bonus