Regret

‘It should have been me’

I pursed my lips trying to contain the thoughts as I looked at her descending down the stairs from the cathedral. She looked lovely in her wedding dress, her soft hand held by the firm grasp of the man who would spend his days with her from here on.

‘How did it end this way?’ My thoughts wander to the time when we were younger. To the days where the future was nothing more than a distant whisper we chose to ignore. To times where we felt invincible and untainted by the consequences of choices we have yet to make. While my mind wandered towards our shared history, she glanced my way and my gaze went through her, the pain hidden behind my eyes swept by the past memory of our time together.

"This is for the best," I murmured and saw her soft brown curls gently blown by the light breeze, further making her look like the dream I could never obtain. With a forced conviction that I am certain stemmed from reluctance, I greeted her in the brief moment our eyes met.

"Congratulations" I smiled carrying both the happiness and pain within me. In that brief moment, I thought I saw the look of surprise plastered on her face, but she quickly recovered and gave me a beam before she continued to greet the rest of those gathered to witness and celebrate her’s and his’ happiness.

‘Was that a mistake?’ I swore I saw some hesitation on her part, but it seemed she had simply moved on. And that hurt me more than I wanted to admit. That memory of us that remains forever a closed chapter of her life but is left wide open in mine. I don't blame her. I cursed inwardly as I continued to watch over her retreating back, the distance between us growing larger. Unable to contain the emotions welling up in me, I looked towards the sky, holding tears that weren't there. It was such a beautiful and bright sunny day, a stark contrast to the world I found myself in.

When the couple reached the bottom of the steps, they turned around, and I took in all of her as one would a miracle. He swept her off the ground, carrying her. Her arms are wrapped around his neck, and she smiled even brighter than she smiled with me. They waved towards the crowd as they made for the limousine parked in front, but not before they flaunted a passionate kiss in front of those gathered.

Envy started to sprout within me.

She and him, their eyes told me all that I needed to know. Eyes that saw no one else but each other. ‘How fortunate’ I bit my lips to hide my growing turmoil.

Not long after, they were gone and the crowd slowly made their way towards where the reception will be held. I remained, unwilling to bear the brighter future that her smile held. A future without me and to suffer more than I have already done. So with slow steps, I made my way back towards the cathedral. I stopped. My foot stood before the shadowed perimeter of the entryway, hesitant.

‘It is hard after all...’ I turned to look back, a foolish hope that I might see her calling out to me knowing well how it would turn out. She is gone. I know that, but denial is a sweet poison that's fraught with false dreams. With struggle, I closed my eyes and turned with reluctance. I felt heavy, but with quiet footsteps I entered the cathedral. As soon as the shadow swallowed me, my body started to disintegrate with every step like hazy smoke that the breeze slowly blew by the tendrils. I tried to reach towards where they stood not too long before. To where they spoke their vows with what was left of my remaining blurry foot, but before I could, I vanished into the abyss leaving only the faint echo of the words I wanted to, but never got to say.

"Goodbye Ella"

All was quiet in the cathedral. A deafening silence that hid a dark abyss unseen as I awoke in the dark world and saw the chains that bounded me to the nether realm.

"Enjoyed your time at the physical world?" asked Gregor as he led me once more to the place where I now reside.

Instead of answering him, I merely muttered "Have you ever met the face of regret before?"

Gregor looked at me, his doubtful face made his thoughts clear ‘Who doesn't have regrets? But a face? What’s he talking about? This guy gets weirder everytime’.

Shaking his head, he responded, "Well we wouldn't be here, if we had no regrets wouldn't we?"

I smiled bitterly...He is right after all. This is where regrets go.

We continued to walk silently towards an even darker realm in this already dark world. Neither had anything to say beyond that. After all, we are just strangers stranded on this barren land surrounding us in its suffocating embrace while the gloomy sky continued to squeeze the very life we had once abandoned. That is all there is...a place that has nothing but despair and an awful lot of regret...

-Fin-

Author’s note:

I was actually doing some character background stories to repel the monotony of things and this one came to suit one of my character’s story well. It just might even fit well (maybe?) for Thorny Thursday. If you want to know what that is, it was the brainchild of Kathrine Elaine and is now under the competent hands of Joseph L. Wiess. A pool of romance stories gathered and wrapped every (maybe?) Thursday for those who wants their hearts awed, shattered, conflicted, inspired, or fluttering. With that in mind, check it out if you hang around Notes, which I rarely do these days…at the moment.

This is brief story if it can even be called as such, but well I wanted a snippet, so there’s that. Frankly, I realized I have a lot to learn about the writing world but that’s part of the fun ( or chore [-_-] ), isn’t it?

Anyway, unlike the character in this piece, I hope you dear reader don’t find yourself stuck in a place of regret.