Radical Organization as an Antidote to Existential Angst

Over the weekend I radically organized and customized my MacBook and iPhone and iPad. I cleared my back log of “continue watching” and “watchlist” on all the streaming services. I made lists. I really tried to get my act together.

In between I scrolled TikTok and watched countless 20 and 30 something women doing the same, making perfect journal systems and technologically advanced organization strategies, spinning lovelorn lives on pastel tech plates like whirling dervishes.

I am not them. I no longer believe that the perfect journal or organization system is going to save me. I guess I could objectively say I am not working toward a dream, because I kind of already got it. I set it out to have a successful business and a good, comfortable life. I have those things. I am more in the “maintain” part of life, leading to the inevitable “slowly reduce your needs and retire” part.

But the allure of fresh school supplies in fall, the softly bitter scent of number 2 pencils and crisp plastic sheened notebook covers, the crunch of a brand new bag and the hopefulness of a new planner….they remain forever a reminder of the striving and the beauty of that striving.

I strive, don’t get me wrong. I work for things, and I work hard. But I will admit without reluctance that the point is to do the thing now not to get somewhere else. The point is that this is the game I have chosen and so I play my cards, making safe soft bets of money I can afford to lose and time I can’t afford to spend. But spend anyway.

But what do I really want at this point in my life? Nothing money can buy. Nothing worldly success can muster. I want love and peace, I want to see justice. I want moments of joy. I want meaning. I want the health to live as long as possible with my independence.

But the joy of just getting all these things in order, it’s an itch I have always loved to scratch. So I type to you on my now very organized MacBook and say — whatever stage of life you’re in, even if the planner isn’t going to do anything for you and you’ll abandon it a couple months in —

Just buy the planner and smile.