We all know the feeling. The melodramatic moment when you lie down in complete darkness, listening to a playlist of the saddest songs you could find on your music app, and you contemplate the entirety of your life.
In that moment, you are the main character. Nothing can convince you that life does not have it out for you. You play over scenarios in your head and watch them all fall apart, like your life has.
The music in the background draws out the emotion in you and tugs at your heart, coaxing bitter tears to the surface. Your soul shatters into a thousand pieces as your meltdown engulfs your body with overwhelm. What a terrible life.
Nobody understands. Nobody can.
Yes, you feel an all-encompassing misery as the sad songs echo loudly in your dark room, and you choke on your tears.
You are helpless as sadness claws at your insides and takes you apart; depression creeps in and makes your bosom its abode.
Your mind becomes a dark place, your personal torture chamber now.
“Why do I feel this way?” you ask yourself trying to trace the ache back to its roots. You reminisce about the events that have led you to this moment.
Perhaps, there is no event. Perhaps an unfathomable sorrow has simply chosen you to be its partner.
Whatever the case, you’re caught in an unending mental battle. Well, not a battle, because you are not fighting back. You are simply drowning in the stillness of deep, cold water. The kind that numbs you before it pulls you under for good.
At this point, you are slipping away. Your tears have slowed down, and all that remains is a bleak numbness and the feeling of dried, salty streaks of water on your face.
Hours have passed, and it’s morning now. You have remained in the same spot, self-destructing from the inside.
But alas, it is time.
You don’t have the luxury of solitude or solace. You must go out and perform with a smile on your face and a gaping dark hole in your soul. Because the world doesn’t care that you’re unravelling , it only asks that you show up.
So whether you like it or not you’ll put on your shoes with numb fingers, step out into the noise, and no one will know your whole world ended last night.
Because that’s what you’ve always done.
We all know the feeling, don’t we?
No? Just me?
Oh.
Originally posted on my medium
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