may 9 2026 (from a table outside honey hi on sunset blvd)
Eavesdropping: child says, ‘What do fish eat?’
‘They eat seaweed and other things in the ocean, like, ocean plants.’
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Arrived at Airbnb last night. No clue how I was buzzed in as I saw later that the host messaged ‘sorry I missed you, did you make it in OK?’ Once inside I let out a cackle I’d been holding in for hours.
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I think in my learning about reality creation I’ve made desire into a negative or impeditive force—the wanting-badly will stop you from getting. But I just remembered—the Penguin deal—my God, I wanted that so bad I would have done anything, and then I got it.
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Even places that shouldn’t smell like incense smell a little bit like incense…
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Someone so beautiful walking towards me. The reaction I had to him just now is the reaction people have to me.
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Street getting busier now, here we all are. Anyway, yes, back to when I arrived—the wi-fi password wasn’t written anywhere, total crisis—I considered going out into the dark and unknown night just to remedy, blindly searching for a scrap of connection—there are many beautiful people here and it is distracting me. I want to tell this girl I love her hair. Pretty couples, women in bike shorts. I have taken off my headphones to be more present. I need to buy sunscreen.
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I slept from 9:15 to 4:15, waking up at 11, 1 and 3. When I woke up at 3 I made myself come twice imagining [x] and then went back to sleep, which felt heavier and deeper, somehow, than the sleep before it.
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Cute waitress had hiccups—‘You have hiccups,’ I said, and she smiled and said, ‘I get them all the time here, like three times a day,’ and before I could process what she meant by ‘here’, I shook my head and said ‘Ugh, too much,’ because I hate having hiccups. We laughed and smiled and then she went away.
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This matcha is very strong. My chest is falling.
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Just remembered—I don’t know if this is why I masturbated, but I did dream of [x] twirling around [x] at some important event, and she was wearing an elaborate gown. I was watching this like a movie. I was jealous of [x]—of this easy playful attention she was getting, and that she had a reason to wear an elaborate dress.
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Just told a baby: ‘That’s really good waving.’
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A mom and baby stopped to talk to the mom and baby at the table beside me. ‘I get him naked pretty much every meal.’ ‘That’s the perk of living in LA.’
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Matcha is so strong I am taking big breaths and vibrating, as if coming up on MDMA. It’s the perfect temperature outside right now—the air feels like nothing. Salt and exhaust smell.
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Can the people here tell what I am? Man on bike talking loudly to himself. Big burly ponytail guy with the tiniest fluffiest dog I’ve ever seen.
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Spencer Reid-looking motherfucker—I like checking men out. I liked the way he was walking. I might stop at Stories and buy a new notebook.
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My ice has melted into the shape of little teardrops.
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QR codes spray painted on the ground. ‘Astrology approved attraction’. A sign on a lamppost, in a cluster of a dozen others, another QR code: ‘Gay and single and desperate?’
may 10 2026 (on bench at echo park lake)
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