The true (and uncomfortable) story behind our new song

We just released our 4th single, ‘Half of My Heart’. This song was what I will call a ‘repair’ song - one that I needed to write to stitch up some part of me that was a bit ragged.

Telling this story feels a bit uncomfortable, but the song is a true reflection of a very real feeling and experience, so I want to share it with you.

This song happened because I almost had a sudden and surprising rupture with a beloved person in my life - a person that I am intrinsically bound to, and never believed we could have approached a precicipe so close to collapse.

A political disagreement (or rather, an approach to a political position) flared up a difference of opinion - one that felt personal, and hurtful in both directions.

The question of who was right or wrong is irrelevant - because what I want to share is how close we came to the edge, and what happened as we were teetering.

The conflict got to a point where I had to put down all my thoughts in a long email to this beloved, because we couldn’t (at that moment) even speak to each other; it was clear there were many assumptions, misunderstandings, and very inflamed emotions.

I really thought this was going to be the moment of rupture.

All of my exposure to these kinds of stories—on the news, in podcasts and articles (mostly about America and Americans)—has a narrative of disintegration. People double down on their positions; argue, resist, blame, condemn, separate, divide.

I thought (with no small amount of despair and shock) that that’s where we were headed. And couldn’t quite believe it.

In a moment of true and raw vulnerability, I expressed to this person that a huge fear, swirling inside the soup of my psyche, is abandonment. Like a cliche out of an 80s movie, I’m very aware that having lost a parent as a kid makes me ultra-sensitive to fears of the same happening again, and it can generalise to other relationships.

The extremity and heat of our conflict triggered this fear, and I knew it was colouring my vision about what was happening between us; but the whole thing was unlike any way we’d ever communicated with each other before.

I thought maybe we would need to go to joint therapy, or spend a few months not talking to each other. Or some other radical action.

But that’s not what happened.

This beloved responded to my message, and said two very important things.

Firstly, they apologised. Acknowledged their contribution and missteps. Took accountability for what was fuelling their own fears and anxieties.

And second—they clearly understood and gently held my fear, and made it immediately clear that there was no reality in which we were not two parts of a whole. In fact, they specifically said…“You are half of my heart.”

I recently heard someone say: “Freedom is not the absence of responsibility. It’s getting to choose who and what you are responsible for.”

There is a tension that exists when we choose to be responsible for a relationship - a gentle wrestle always happening between wanting to understand and be understood.

‘Half of My Heart’ is a dedication to this struggle, which is, in other words, love. I hope it can be a call out and a salve to anyone engaged in this ornate push and pull, anyone who believes love is more resilient than who is right and who is wrong.

x Keppie