Fourteen years ago I got married. Six months later, I decided I was going to write a book. It was a YA dystopian and my god, it was terrible. But I was so dedicated to learning the craft, to messing up, to just getting that shit down on paper. I edited it, learned some more, and edited again. Got beta feedback and edited again. I queried it, and that was when the first rejections started coming in.
After a while, I decided to move on. Try to write another book. I did! This one was a YA contemporary. I got a lot of full requests from literary agents on this one, but no offer of representation. That told me my query was strong, but my craft still needed work. So after about a year of querying, I went back to the drawing board and wrote book number three. This one was a YA contemporary fantasy and I loved it so much. But the same thing happened. Lots of positive feedback from agents - but I just wasn't there yet.
Now, while all this was going on I was still living my life. Working as a freelance writer for websites and magazines. I got pregnant and had a baby. I was dealing with a lot of chronic health issues that had me hospitalized multiple times (and that I still struggle with today). But, I lived in the country, next door to my grandma, and every day, I’d go to her house and we’d have coffee and I’d give her all my writing updates. She was my biggest champion. She grew up in the Great Depression and was an incredible storyteller. Every Sunday she’d cook family dinner and anyone and everyone was welcome. She was the epitome of “grandma.” On the days I’d feel down about all the rejections she’d tell me, “Don’t you worry honey, one day I’m going to see your name on the NYT bestseller list.” (Oh jeez, I’m tearing up just writing this.)
In 2016 she got diagnosed with cancer. It was fast and aggressive and she passed away two weeks later. It wrecked my life. She was my best friend. Eventually, I started writing my next book because ultimately, I needed a way to process through my grief. So, I wrote her into my novel. It was filled with magic, family, secrets, a quaint small town, and all of her stories. I poured my heart and soul and grief into it. That book, The Unfortunate Side Effects of Heartbreak and Magic, was the book that got me my literary agent. All in all, I had wracked up around 500 rejections for four books over the course of a decade.
When we went on submission, Covid had just hit and it was on sub for over a year. During this time I was hospitalized again, my husband was working full time and going to school full time and we were on food stamps. There were days where it all felt like a distant dream but every single night I’d fall asleep and think - “maybe tomorrow will be the day we get an offer.” And then one day, we did!
We ended up with one offer from a small press and I accepted with tears and gratitude. But my dream of hitting the NYT list to honor my grandma and make her words come true felt distant because typically, the NYT doesn’t put books from small presses on their list. I decided I didn’t care about that. I was determined to make it happen. So, I took to social media. Everything I’ve posted about on my Substack here is what I did to get over 10,000 preorders, Library Guild Choice, Book of the Month Club pick, and yes, we ended up hitting the NYT list!
Now, right before this book came out, we went on submission with my NEXT book! I ended up getting a two book deal with Dell, which is an imprint of Random House. The first in the series, Spells, Strings, and Forgotten Things came out back in March of this year. And I’ll be completely honest with you - marketing that book was hard. I had a lot of personal mental and health issues going on and the world was turning more into a dumpster fire every day (oh look, it still is). I wanted so badly for it to do as well as my debut, but ultimately, my sales were not what I wanted them to be for a number of reasons. By nature, I’m a very positive and optimistic person, but for about nine months, I was struggling. Bad. I did all the things marketing wise, but my energy was elsewhere and self-doubt and imposter syndrome had started to kick in.
With my debut, I manifested every step of the way. I wrote down my positive affirmations in a journal every. single. day. I FELT it in my bones. My energy was all there. And so much of what I was doing marketing wise was to honor my grandma’s memory. But with my second novel, it was a struggle. My positivity and optimism were pretty much shot. I felt like my manifesting capabilities were completely broken.
But then, slowly but surely, I started to get it back. I went to therapy. I did the work. I confronted all my limiting beliefs and anger and allowed myself to rest when I needed it (chronic illnesses are no joke). I sought help from my family and friends and actually talked about things instead of repressing them (who knew haha).
Over the last two months I finally feel like myself again. I started this substack to help other authors. My energy is more in alignment. And with my next book coming out in seven months, I once again FEEL THE MAGIC. I see it hitting the NYT list. I can picture my grandma smiling down on me. Today, I got to reveal the cover of my third book, Curses, Keys, and Secret Societies - or rather, JENSEN ACKLES revealed it for me. *cue screaming*
My first book was an homage to my grandma and it was so difficult to write as I healed through my grief. My second book was about healing generational trauma by way of family curses and magic. But this book? This book is an ode to all the things I love and I got to have FUN with it. A sentient chateau set in the French countryside (inspired by my time living there when I was younger), delicious food (with recipes at the end of the book!), a love triangle because I used to be obsessed with them, family secrets, powerful magic, a love interest inspired by Dean Winchester. There’s a magic academy and found family and a girl who just wants to be loved in spite of all the horrible things that have happened to her. And of course, some spice.
My first book was the book of my heart, but this one is the book of my dreams. It’s taken a lot of tears and trauma, a lot of ups and downs to get to this point. And all the while, I’ve talked on podcasts, social media, and in interviews about separating our worth from our work. It’s easier said than done. When I was struggling with rejection, low sales, or dips in social media metrics, the stress and anxiety would creep in. But I have to keep reminding myself that I am more than numbers. I pour my heart and soul into my work, yes, but I am NOT my work. I am worthy regardless if I ever write another word or not. I will continue to get rejections (my last two books that went on submission received many) - and that’s okay. Because that’s part of my story. My journey. And I hope that in sharing this all with you, you know that the dips will come, the fear and self-doubt and imposter syndrome will rear their ugly heads. But we keep on. We keep writing. We work to get our magic back. And share that magic with the world however we can.
Now, I’m off to promote Jensen Ackles revealing the cover of Curses, Keys, and Secret Societies! Haha! If it’s up your alley, the link to preorder is below! Your support means the world, as you can imagine. Making connections with readers and other authors is what has made this journey so worth it.
Thank you for being here, being with me through the ups and downs. And wherever you’re at on your journey, whether you’re feeling defeated or positive or somewhere in between, please know that I’m cheering you on! The world is so hard right now, and I’m seeking to bring light and joy wherever I can so I’m sending you a big dose of magic and kindness and gratitude!
And if you’re looking for more detailed insight into all my marketing and manifesting tactics, you can become a paid subscriber and you’ll also get my free 30 day content calendar in your welcome email!
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