As a later-in-life realized (but not late-diagnosed, and we’ll touch on that later) autistic woman, there comes a sort of unlearning that takes place as you get to know yourself and your disability on a deeper level. I’ve always said that autism requires you to get to know yourself far more intimately than a neurotypical person ever will know themselves - and this applies even more so to the neurodivergent woman. Getting to know myself again and again, day in and day out, is my favorite part of being autistic by far.
That being said - as this unlearning has taken place, my boundaries have become more rigid as my knowledge of and respect for myself grows.
Without further ado - here are ten things that, I swear on my pink City Bag and season 1 and 2 DVD copies of The OC, I will *never* do again:
Wear jeans or pants that aren’t leggings. This one isn’t a firm no - if I found the perfect pair of flattering, bootcut jeans that hugged my figure in all the right places and felt like leggings on my skin, I’d buy them in a heartbeat. But, as far as I know, they don’t exist - so it’s a no from me. I live in Southern California, so layering tights under dresses and skirts is a suitable option for wintertime attire. I’m way more comfortable in my maxi dresses and skirts for the winter - and so it is.
Eat a diet that deprives me of my safe foods. I’m already allergic to milk and eggs - why would I restrict myself further? I’ve been a size 00 - and I was miserable. I’d rather be happy and eat a diet full of all the vegan mac and cheese, sushi, mashed potatoes, and vanilla oat milk lattes as my heart desires.
Go on a cruise. I’ve already done this one when I was 13, and I came back from Cabo with an unknown stomach virus and seasickness that lasted a month. Plus, I don’t know how to swim, and every time I tried to learn, it wasn’t a skill that stuck. There’s no reason why I’d ever need to go on a cruise, or a boat for that matter, ever again.
Live with roommates. I’m still too traumatized to give context on this one, but I’m sure other autistic women can relate.
Willingly join a group chat. With the exception of one with my best friends and boyfriend - that I rarely even use - this is not something I’m interested in, at all. I was 27 years old when I learned that I could actually leave the chat if I wanted to, and the world would keep spinning.
Work in a corporate office full-time (even part-time is questionable). I refuse to mask in a corporate environment and play the social games required - because even when I have, I *still* have ended up getting fired or cast out so badly that I’m forced to quit. Those who do not learn from their own history are doomed to repeat the same mistakes, so I’m going all in on my podcast and my content, and it’ll work because it has to work. Worst case scenario, if nothing else works out for me, I’ll continue to drive for Uber Eats and do freelance content creation for the rest of my life, and I’ll be happy - because living an unmasked life is overall better for my mental and physical health.
Live my neurodivergent life based on neurotypical timelines. I spent six of my childhood years in 40-hour-a-week ABA, and my adolescence and early adulthood in autistic burnout. My timeline will never look the same as someone who had a head start on me, with a neurotypical brain and infinitely more resources. I’m still going to get exactly what I want out of this life - and I’ll appreciate the journey it takes me to get there.
Feel guilty for doing the same/repetitive things. If I want to eat my safe food three nights in a row, watch my comfort show/movie on a loop, wear the same few outfits that feel comfortable to me, see the same band/artist multiple times - who cares? As long as it’s not hurting myself or others, then there genuinely shouldn’t be an issue with it.
Care about how my life looks to others. They’re not the ones living in it, so their opinions don’t hold weight to me. Again, as long as it’s not hurting myself or others, then my life only has to make sense to me.
Apologize for who I am. And if you’re disabled, you shouldn’t either.
Let me know in the comments what your autistic hell no I won’t be doing that list looks like, or if you’d like a part two!
TTYLXOX,
Samikat
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