i'm hostile-copypaste, as the blog title suggests. it's hc for short. i write blog posts for charlie to read, but if you like them too, then that's an added ...
After over a year of considering it, I finally deleted my Instagram. It feels like it shouldn't be as big of a consideration as it was, but part of the thing that makes leaving these social networks hard is that, well, some of the people I know locally, the only contact I have for them is their Instagram. And, well, have I ever contacted them through Instagram? As I came to that realization, the…
It’s a special kind of isolation, I think. To be a weird kid that can’t hang out with the other weird kids, cause you’re weird even for them. I often wonder how my austim impacts my ability not only to connect with neurotypicals, but with other autistic people. I think a lot of it, like you said, does stem from the mental rigidity that locks me in place. I know how I am supposed to behave, but…
I’ve gotten the materials together. Two pots, a colander, several wooden spoons (all these from the habitat for humanity charity store), and a yard of muslin (the local craft store). I bought the teabags on my way home from work today. The yarn arrived in the mail a couple days ago (you know this, you liked my story on Instagram). I have to reference the book again — it has the instructions for…
I’ve recently been diagnosed. Officially. In an official capacity by an official person. She was very lovely and very understanding, and very communicative, all of which made things easier. And it’s not like I didn’t go there with the explicit intention of getting an official diagnosis in an official capacity — I very much did. I also needed medication, and someone who had the training to…
Do you hyperfixate on your breasts? I’ve been reading, well, listening, to the book you recommended - Breasts and Eggs by Mieko Kawakami. I wasn’t expecting, well, anything about its contents. I trust you enough that a recommendation is sufficient, and I check neither the description nor the reviews. But mostly, I wasn’t expecting its approach to talking about breasts, how its relayed as…
Ever since my partner asked last weekend if I wanted to become a knitfluencer, its been bouncing around my brain. Thoughts of short form video, pictures, needles, skeins. I’ve already been considering a knitting youtube channel for a while, but haven’t really done more than mull over the thought. I know that actually becoming an “influencer” (hate that word) is largely up to consistency, luck, and…
I said today, to my partner and his mother, that I would go and help work on maintenance projects at the theatre, in preparation for a street fair this weekend. Well, I said that last weekend, and yesterday, but today is the day I was supposed to go. That was several hours ago. They went without me. And I tried. I tried so hard. I did fun things on my weekend before, and I went home after work on…
When it comes up, I tell people I first fell in love when I was sixteen. This is accepted without question, and I generally do not expand on this. But every time I say this, I ask myself, How do I know? Because surely, if I was truly in love, it would be so obvious as to be unquestionable in its merit. Surely, if I was truly in love, I would have been able to recognize it while I was feeling it.…
“Everything I do with my best friend,” Abby told me, “I have to be able to do with my husband.” She was not my only friend in Oregon, but she was my easiest. We were the only two people who showed up to book club at the high school library, which ended up being an hour to wander around the shelves and talk about books; there were no gaps in the conversation, ones that I struggled to fill with my…
Every Sunday, I hope that maybe this week, Dad will forget. There is no room in the social contract of the house for me to decline participating in service. Some Sundays, I get lucky. Other Sundays, I can put it off until late, and beg off being tired. Sometimes, I can say I feel sick, and that works. Every time, I get a disappointed look from my dad; it is hard to tell if he is disappointed, or…