How to Trust the Process: Remember your Worth

Note: this Lesson is part of a 5 part series. Read the intro post here!

A baby is born (head first and screaming) into the world. Within 30 minutes, their body begins to signal hunger for precisely the nourishment they need:

milk.

And what, pray tell, will happen the moment that need arises in their body?

Shrieking, of course! Fussing! Demanding!

And what is baby not doing? What is not inherently built into them from birth?

Baby is not considering whether or not this need is “correct” , “really, truly what they want, because maybe they’re just cold and not actually hungry, after all?”, or “a good time for Mom to give milk, because she looks pretty tired after being in labor for 36 hours”.

In those awesome post-natal moments, Baby is not “bad” or “good”. Baby is, objectively, not “beautiful” nor “ugly”. They are not “rich” nor “poor” (their parents may be. The child, however, has no way of conceptualizing that, or making use of any money that may or may not be in their trust fund).

Like all babies, this baby is inherently worthy of getting all needs met. Whether or not those needs are successfully met rests upon the competence, presence, health, and resources of their respective caregivers, but their worthiness of fulfilment remains.

There are no labels, no societal expectations, no concerns for whether or not their needs or desires are “too big of an ask”.

Then, from the moment they exit the hospital room (or birthing pool, bathtub, car, floor, bedroom — wherever Mom happened to give birth) a million narratives, stories, comfortable and uncomfortable experiences, likes, dislikes, morals, values, ideas, and influences are handed to baby.

In the days, months, and years to come, their parents say, “yucky, broccoli” and make a face while they eat broccoli. So, baby starts associating broccoli with yucky face. Their parents let them cry in hopes to develop self soothing, and baby starts associating crying with no one coming.

A broken record, over and over again, they hear their parents’ say “that’s a waste of money” to toys, experiences, foods, whatever it may be. Thus, the child begins to associate what they want, their pleasures, with being a “waste of money” (this video is a great example of this*).

Slowly but surely, the child begins a great process of forgetting.

Innate feelings and expressions like their desire (what they want) and their authenticity (who they truly are) as inherently worthy and valuable are gradually wiped from memory. Watching certain TV shows may teach them that they’re not, in fact, beautiful, if their nose looks like that or their skin is that shade. Peers in school, in an attempt to cope with the emotional weight of their own programming and pain, may tell them that they are “annoying”, and therefore, “not invited” — which the child then internalizes: “I am annoying, and therefore, I don’t belong”.

All of these experiences serve as a “separator” from the truth - that you (yes, YOU) are inherently worthy of being fully yourself, getting all of your needs met, and attracting your dreams exactly as you are.

Right now! Right at this moment! Not once you lose the weight. Not once you heal your trauma. Not once you level up. Right now.

So the whole point of this journey of life, of the process of manifestation (which, in my humble opinion, is the journey of creating and living life), is to get back to that place of pure love. Pure love is knowing that everyone’s true, authentic self (with all of their “flaws” and quirks) is just as worthy of receiving endless love and gifts from the universe as a tree is worthy of getting water and sunlight.

This is what real, divine, legit manifestation is all about. It’s the process of shedding from those many stories placed on you since birth. It’s the process of remembering that feeling of worthy badassery you were born with, but promptly forgot. It’s the process of realizing that you are still that inherently worthy child. That when you cry, you do deserve (and should innately expect) love and care. We are here to live inside that empowering feeling of, “holy shit, I’m a divine child of this earth! I love my spirit and myself! I am worthy of all of my needs and desires getting met!”

In terms of the manifestation that you’re calling in, this translates to:

• OF COURSE you deserve to live in and cultivate a beautiful home.

• OF COURSE you deserve a partner who cherishes you and is your best friend.

• OF COURSE you deserve supportive community.

• OF COURSE you deserve abundance in all areas of your life!

But here’s the catch: Additionally, it translates to the inverse of that.

• That you are inherently worthy WITHOUT living in or cultivating a beautiful home!

• You are inherently worthy WITHOUT having a partner who cherishes you!

• You are inherently worthy WITHOUT having a supportive community!

• You are inherently worthy WITHOUT having abundance in all areas of your life!
  

No manifestation that hasn’t yet come to fruition, no scared parent telling you what or what not to do, no friend projecting their limitations onto you, no corporation telling you what flaws you need to fix, no system that benefits off of your oppression can take away your inherent humanity, your deep spiritual worthiness and value. No material success or abundance can grant it, nor lack of such take it away — Your worthiness and love is eternal.

And anyone or anything that has you doubting that is attempting to control you because it benefits them. It gives them the illusion of safety and security in their own narratives of pain, scarcity, or programming, whether that is the security of their next paycheck for a product that you “just can’t live without”, or the safety of maintaining perceived closeness with you.

Self worth is the basis of successful manifestation.

Self worth is defined as “a sense of one’s own self value as a human being”. It’s that grounded and unwavering place inside of you that knows: YOU GOT THIS, no matter what happens in life. Even if “what happens” is genuinely horrible and out of your control, you still know that you “got this” because your worthy spirit is eternal and transcends material reality.

It’s really, crucially important that you allow yourself to take this in as Truth. If you’re struggling with that, I recommend doing psychedelics at least once, then you’ll know what I mean (while, of course, remembering that psychedelics only give you a glimpse of what’s available to you when you apply their lessons. Psychedelics themselves aren’t a process of becoming enlightened (or better in any way, really), which is why so many 10x ayahuasca sitters still can’t say no to a dating a douchebag or make enough money to sustain themselves).

This isn’t some spiritual gobbledygook — this is knowledge that people (pretty much universally) feel in deep moments of intimacy with loved ones, during plant medicine journeys, during sober out of body meditation experiences, and after NDEs. This ever-present stream of loving consciousness transcends any meager attempt our feeble human minds may make at refuting it.

Got that? Excellent.

So, how does this relate to you manifesting your man? Your future wife? A job that you love? Your music career blowing up?

It’s simple:

How have you been outsourcing your inherent self worth onto the outcome you desire?

What limiting, false, unworthy story have you been telling yourself about who you are because you don’t have that thing?

The moment we outsource our power like that, this is what Source (who’s only goal is reminding you of your worthiness, including receiving your manifestations) does:

Source says, “Oop! Looks like I need to make this a lesson for them. Such a shame! I know they really want this thing, but as long as they keep thinking that they’re a shit person without it, I just simply can’t give it to them. If I did, they would never get to learn what a wonderful, incredible person they are no matter what. If I gave them their manifestation now, they would simply think, ‘finally! My life is worth something because I got the millions of dollars I was asking for! I can finally feel better!’. Then, they’d quickly realize they’re just as miserable WITH it as they were WITHOUT it (because they didn’t heal the root and realize that their worth transcends the material). I really want them to experience receiving this with a full and open heart, knowing how incredible they are with or without it. Sigh…. I’ll save them all that time and trouble and just wait until they realize it on their own.”

See? The moment you state your intentions and begin manifesting what you desire (“I want a 6’2” hunk that looks great in jeans and loves me forever”), the Universe starts plotting how it will connect you with that thing you asked for. The kicker is that whatever we’re calling in requires us remembering just a tiny bit more self worthiness than what we currently think we’re worth. So until we step into that higher level of self worth (remember, that doesn’t mean “fixing ourselves so we're more worthy” — it means allowing ourselves to be who we already are, knowing we’re worthy without changing a DAMN THING), we won’t be an energetic match for it.

Here’s an example (hinging on my intro lesson):

I am a beautiful, worthy, kind individual. I inherently deserve all of my dreams and desires.

I want to get engaged (and married, obviously).

But during the time that I remain un-engaged, my spirit starts bringing up the exact and precise wounds that need to be healed in order to receive what I’m asking for (an engagement ring, and then a healthy marriage).

I start wondering if I changed myself - my hair, clothes, or attitude - I might get engaged sooner. Thoughts (narratives/stories) arise that say, “if only I had better self-esteem, I would’ve picked someone who would’ve proposed sooner. I’m actually just a stupid girl compared to all these other girls who must have ‘acted’ or ‘picked’ right”.

I feel the need to beg to get married - “I want this so bad,” I tearfully admit to myself, “this sucks so much not having it”.

ALL OF THIS is forgetting my inherent worth - that I am worthy, loveable, empowered, and incredible WITH or WITHOUT a ring on my finger. What a silly thing to think otherwise. Not only that, it’s precisely the attitude that needs to be addressed in order to have what I’m asking for: a happy marriage. These self-doubtful fears of “not picking right” cannot exist at the same time as a happy marriage, for the subject of my self-doubt is who I'm married TO.

Another example:

You want to manifest money, because you’re tired of living paycheck to paycheck and constantly struggling with, ultimately, a stupid piece of paper. You’re trying, but nothing seems to be working.

Every time your card gets declined, a wave of self hatred and frustration washes over you — “I'm such an idiot for overspending last weekend, I can’t believe I let myself be terrible with money again”.

You break down in tears and think how little of a man you are (you’re a man in this example) for not having money. How you can’t provide, so you’re basically useless.

Notice how money became the reason for him to not accept his inherently built in, worthy, excellent, amazing and beautiful manhood that NOTHING can ever take away? That exact thing he thinks will make him more worthy becomes the vehicle in which he denies his own inherent worth.

At this point, we must make an important distinction:

In none of these examples does it matter that the subject feels worthy of the specific thing they are trying to manifest. It’s not about whether or not I feel worthy of getting engaged - it’s about how I’m using NOT being engaged as a reason to tear down my inherent self worth as a human being. It's not about whether or not he feels worthy of the money itself - it’s just that he uses the lack of money as a way to negate his core being.

That being said, the question to ask yourself is not if you’re worthy of your manifestation, but how have you been using the lack of your manifestation to negate your own worth?

Little holds a torch to the glory of a moment like this: We realize we’ve been forgetting our self worth and outsourcing it to a situation, person, or outcome, and suddenly remember it. Then, we call our power back. There’s a scene in Babel by R.F. Kuang that perfectly describes this experience:

[For context, the main character is a Chinese immigrant/ward in turn of the century Oxford. He’s trying to fit into a society where, due to systemic oppression, he can never truly belong (but he wants to belong). This jackass Elton Pendennis, the most popular kid in Oxford, invited him to a party, so Robin thinks he’ll finally belong, but the invitation was actually just a ruse to use him for clout. At the party, Robin realizes this and comes to the following conclusion]

“His anxiety had dissipated completely. He no longer felt concerned about how he presented, about whether his jacket was properly buttoned or he’d left crumbs on the side of his mouth. He didn’t want Pendennis’ approval. He didn’t care for any of these boys’ approval at all.

The truth of this encounter hit him with such clarity that he nearly laughed out loud… Robin was not impressed. Was this the pinnacle of Oxford society? This? … He could jump up on the couch and hurl his wine against the curtains without consequence, because he simply did not care. This rush of heady confidence was wholly foreign to him, but it felt very good.” (Kuang, page 148).

You’ve felt this, too. Moments where you’ve put your foot down and said no to something undermining your value. Moments where you’ve realized that that guy you were so incredibly hung up on is so incredibly mediocre against your standards. Moments where you’ve chosen yourself, against all odds, even when it was hard. THAT is remembering your self worth.

I highly recommend taking stock of what blessings were bestowed upon you shortly after such past moments — I bet something really great happened, yes? You got something you were asking for, yes?

This is how manifestation works.

At this point, some of you may be nodding your heads, thinking “oh, I get it! I know what I must do”. But if you’re looking for more, fret not — There are a few ways to remember your worth, but it’s not so simple as a draught you can drink (anything worth doing takes at least a little bit of time and effort).

One of the greatest salves for forgetting your worth, apart from conceptually drinking up that truth I laid out above, is enjoying the process of whatever it is you are doing surrounding your manifestation.

Not yet engaged, but want to be? Well, ask yourself what it might look like to enjoy the process of being a girlfriend, or preparing yourself for that special day in the future. Not yet wealthy, but want to be? Well, how can you enjoy the process of doing whatever work it is you do that will someday rake in the dough?

If you knew you would die tomorrow, would you spend your time freaking out about how you don’t have enough money? Or how you don’t have a boyfriend? Or very, very upset that you’re still living with your parents and, goddammit, you want your own apartment? Nope. You’d see that as a waste of your precious life (because it is!). You’d probably do what you can with what you have and savor every moment of it.

—> homework assignment to enjoy the process located here in the co-creation clubhouse

Another enjoyment-killer is this strange capitalism-fed belief that everything you do, you have to do “well” for it to turn out “good”. The pressure of creating something “good” takes all of the fun out of creating it. When you strive to make an outcome “good”, every doubt you have, roadblock you meet, or frustration you feel all seems like its thwarting your outcome. Now, it can never be good because it just simply isn't good right now. And why isn’t it good right now? Because you are hating the process of creating it by trying to make it good.

Your thoughts start to spiral into all the reasons why it simply cannot be good enough — you lack the resources, the experience, the time. You lack the lighting, or the bone structure, or the money. After about an hour of that, whatever thing you were trying to make “good” (whether that’s an art piece, a meal, your ideal body, a relationship, money, or creating your dream life) isn’t getting made, period.

The solution is to make things BAD. Make mediocre things on purpose, and often. Adopt a “no masterpieces allowed” rule in your day-to-day experiences. If you’re baking bread, attempt to enjoy the process of baking something mediocre instead of forcing a process of baking it perfectly. If you’re going on a first date (you’re manifesting a husband, obviously), instead of trying to make it the perfect date, where you ask all the perfect questions, and make sure that he’s your perfect match, etc — enjoy your mediocre date! Get out of your head with all of your expectations and just MEET the person in front of you as another human being and not as a means to an end. Do the same with your current life — meeting it with wonder and curiosity for what it is, not as a means to an end — and you will be in the flow of enjoyment.

Apart from enjoying the process, we can begin to remember our self worth by doing little actions (that we know we must do) to love and parent ourselves. We examine the chambers of our hearts where we may still feel fundamentally unworthy, bad, not enough, broken. We trace those feelings to memories we have from the past (specifically in childhood). There is certainly a memory somewhere in your psyche where you learned to sit down, shut up, and be quiet. Or, where aspects of your authentic self were “naughty, bad behavior” and therefore needed to be eradicated. Then, from the perspective of a parent or caregiver who is not threatened of loss, who loves who their child is and not what they wish their child to be, give that child version of you what they needed back then, right now.

That process is exactly what we do, very tangibly, during mindshifts (subconscious reprogramming audios that go back into memories and work with creative visualization). There is a whole library of them in the co-creation clubhouse, my online manifestation school, and if you’re ready to commit to a practice that will bring you the life of your wildest dreams, you can find out more info about joining it here.

Because you are now committed to being a good and loving parent to your inner child, as you go throughout your day (doing self care, work, healing or reflection), ask yourself: am I trying to LOVE myself right now? Or am I trying to FIX myself right now? This question takes us immediately from the never ending healing/fixing loop and into real, actual, compassionate change.

You know when you’re first falling in love with someone and absolutely everything they do is simply adorable? The way they bite their nails, or awkwardly mess up a phrase while ordering coffee? And as your love progresses, things that bother you simultaneously remind you of how lucky you are to be in their presence? A sock on the floor brings a first wave of annoyance, then a second wave of recognition that the frustrating mess is simply evidence of the presence of love in your home?

That is the energy to start embodying in moments when you’d rather cringe at yourself. Instead of allowing yourself to bathe in feelings of shame when you make a mistake, cringe when you bravely put yourself out there, or wallow in self-loathing, you’ll try the alternative: View those exact cringey, “shameful”, annoying, gross things about yourself as little cute reminders of how human and awesome you are. You awkwardly order coffee and spill it everywhere? Silly, cute! You feel really depressed? You’re just a sad, sweet little bunny who needs some rest and a hug. You’re dying for a text back? So cute! Look how much love you have to give, waiting in your heart!
It doesn’t mean we don’t self improve. It does mean, though, that we realize we have yet to see any self improvement that sprouted from a seed of shame and self criticism take a lasting root.

Lastly, in the words of RuPaul: “EVERYONE IS FAKING IT”. Truly, “faking it till you make it” WORKS.

Someone recently told me they find it both admirable and strange that I seem to go after everything I want in life confidently and without anxiety. I practically burst out with a “HA”. Everything I have ever done, I’ve done scared shitless. I’ve had no security, stability, or guarantee that what I was setting out to accomplish would work even in the slightest. This relationship I’m in? A calculated RISK for me. The career I have? Required faking that I was an expert long before I felt that way. Moving to Europe? I had no income stability, no guarantee at all that I’d be able to make money once I got there.

Venice, Italy is one of the most incredible, magical, mystical, fantastic places on this planet. Since childhood, I’ve been fascinated with everything Venetian. Only once I started traveling there annually did I realize that it represents everything manifestation encompasses.

The first Venetians were frightened refugees escaping sieges on the mainland. They fled to a collection of hundreds of tiny islands that had nothing but fish and salt. In the beginning, Venetians lived in mud shacks. Slowly but surely, through trading salt — not gold — they built one of the most impressive and formative empires in human history. They went so far as to describe simple, plain, lowly sea salt as “il vero fondamento del nostro stato” (the true foundation of our state). Even the lavish palazzos and churches, seemingly carved from precious stone, are simply an illusion of “faking it till you make it” — for underneath their “solid” marbling and lavish patterns, there lies nothing but brick.

Yes, you deserve to fake it till you make it. Have a fucking ego. Pretend that you’re a bad bitch. There are people on this planet making $580,000 per minute and you’re groveling over whether or not it’s acceptable to charge $120 for a piece of art you spent 20 hours creating. Let yourself be angry enough about that to take up more space in this world.

The process of “faking it till you make is” is something akin to creating a Dungeons & Dragons character sheet for your “most worthy version of self”, and committing to pretending you’re that character in real life. Who would you be if you were the most worthy, confident, bad bitch? How would you act in this particular situation you’re in, not having what you’re asking for? What energy would you embody? What action plan would you put into place (again, doing what you can with what you have)? How would you dress, and what would your routine be? And if they didn’t have all the answers, who would they seek out who might?

Only you know the answers to these questions. Whatever you think they are is exactly correct.

Once, years ago, I dreamt that I was in a vast desert. For miles and miles, there was nothing but dry, scorched earth and a burning sun. Looking down, I saw that I was barefoot. The path I tread was made entirely of thorns. My childhood best friend held my hand as I walked, wincing and weakened. With every step I took, my feet became more and more bloodied and raw. She kept trying to tell me something, but I couldn’t stop looking down at my path, at my feet, I just needed a moment, I was in pain.

Finally, I brought myself to listen, and she said, “just step to the side”.

I realized that my thorny path was only about a foot wide. For entire journey, I could’ve simply stepped to the side onto soft sand.

The co-creation clubhouse has all of the action steps from this article and many more, laid out in a clear, linear, step by step fashion. If you were moved by this lesson and are truly ready to commit to changing your life, applying the tools, and getting real, consistent, manifestation results — join us there. No amount of looping in information overload beats a clear process of application for mind, body and spirit, and while this article is a great start, the co-creation clubhouse is for people who are serious about manifestation. Our student’s testimonials speak for themselves.

We’re so dead serious about manifestation in the clubhouse that we offer a money-back guarantee. If students commit to doing the work and does not get results, they get all their money back. This has never, ever, not even once happened in the entirety of my career — because it WORKS if you do the work. The clubhouse is a 6-month commitment at $33/month. I chuckle remembering the first program I spent $30/month on. It felt so shaky, unsure and scary. That was EXPENSIVE to me back then.

I chuckle, because the changes that happened in my life from doing the work (becoming a home owner, breaking toxic relationship cycles, finding my soulmate, finding my purpose, to name a few), were worth so much more than $30 per month. That price is literally peanuts, a fart in the wind, in comparison to what that investment brought me. One of the greatest secrets I discovered on this journey was that everyone I admired, or anyone who had the kind of life I wanted, (everyone) had invested some form of money and time into this type of work on themselves — and I have yet to find even one exception. Change requires trust.

So if you’re ready for that kind of change in your life, we are here to guide you through that process. Click here to enroll.

Regardless — next week’s lesson in this 5-week challenge series on How to Trust the Process will be on Emotional Alchemy! This will teach you how to turn your emotional triggers (“why isn’t it happening fast enough!”, “I’m just not good enough for this”, feeling low, depressed, anxious about not having your manifestation, etc.) into exactly the stories (mind), feelings (body), and frequency (spirit) that you need to attract your manifestations towards you, whatever they may be.

Until then: may all beings be happy and free.

*No hate whatsoever to these parents, they’re obviously doing a great job. As a manifestation teacher, I was simply thrilled to find such a clear example of children repeating a story that very clearly came straight from a parent’s mouth.