Weak, Inferior, Alone & Misunderstood

It all started with a nudge. A dear friend told me that she was praying God would use my pain for something great. I had actually been praying for little to no pain, but I had not prayed that prayer. As one week of recovery turned into two, I remembered her words and I chuckled. How could God use this pain to accomplish anything great through me when I was in too much pain to even think straight.

So God nudged me again. He had me come across a song that spoke volumes to me. I listened to it over and over again. And my eyes began to open. The words that struck me were about building an altar in each season of pain, so that I wouldn’t forget.

I had never looked at my pain in that way. Physical pain of some kind has been a part of my life. I have always looked at it in a derogatory way. Until I heard that song.

I sat down and wrote a list. A page and a half of all the major moments of pain~physical, mental and emotional that I have had. And I told God that I was building an altar for each one, because my view had changed.

All these years I have viewed myself as a disappointment, I have felt inferior, alone and misunderstood. I even went so far as to question if God had made a mistake when he called my husband and I into the ministry. I was weak, and thoughts of my weakness kept creeping in. So God nudged me again.

I sat and looked over that list, and every single thing I have been through. The Holy Spirit showed me that I am not weak. I am strong. I have never viewed myself in that way. I realized that I have endured a lot, but it wasn’t my strength that made me strong. It was God. He brought me through things that I wasn’t sure I would survive. As I looked at each instance He showed me that every single time I went through that pain, my relationship with Him has only grown stronger. My faith in Him has become more real, and my reliance on Him has become everything to me.

Yes, God did use my pain in a great way. He changed my entire outlook and made me realize that He didn’t make a mistake with me. He turned me into a testimony. I can encourage others, because I understand.

This is a lesson I wish I had learned many years ago. Pain is an altar to deeper praise, purpose and the presence of God~all of which results in peace and joy. Whatever you are going through today, let me remind you that you aren’t a disappointment, inferior or alone. You’re not a mistake and even when you feel weak, you aren’t because God is with you and for you!