I Got Everything I Wanted. Then My Life Fell Apart.

Recently, I got almost everything I wanted.

Time with my family.

A comfortable journey.

The joy of giving someone I love a beautiful gift.

From the outside, it looked like a beautiful life.

And honestly...

it was.

Then I came home.

And within a short time, everything felt as though it was falling apart.

Not because something terrible had happened.

But because two very small buttons inside me had been pressed.

One said...

You are poor.

The other said...

You are not loved.

And I had trained both buttons to work instantly.

For a short while, the balance in my bank account was lower than I expected.

I knew more money was coming.

I was safe.

Nothing about my life had suddenly changed.

And yet...

one number on a screen changed the way I felt about my entire life.

I did not think...

“The balance is temporarily lower.”

I felt poor.

One was a fact about a moment.

The other was an identity.

My mind moved from one to the other in seconds.

Around the same time, my wife and I started arguing.

Nothing dramatic happened.

There were disagreements.

Different opinions.

Ordinary moments of tension that happen in every relationship.

But each disagreement pressed another familiar button.

She doesn’t respect me.

She doesn’t listen to me.

She doesn’t love me.

Years of care disappeared from my awareness.

Countless beautiful moments became invisible.

One difficult conversation was allowed to speak for the entire relationship.

That was when I finally saw it.

I had made my buttons for pain incredibly easy to press.

One disagreement...

and I felt unloved.

One number on a banking app...

and I felt poor.

But my buttons for feeling rich?

For feeling loved?

For feeling grateful?

I had made those almost impossible to press.

For pain, I needed one small moment.

For love, I demanded perfect evidence.

💡 I had become world-class at finding evidence for the absence of love.

And that was uncomfortable to admit.

Because I said I wanted love.

But what was I practising every day?

If a footballer were preparing for the World Cup, what would he do?

He would practise.

For hours.

Every day.

He would prepare for pressure before the pressure arrived.

He would never enter the final and say...

“I really want to win. Isn’t wanting it enough?”

But that is how I had been approaching love.

I wanted the World Cup of love...

while practising fear.

I replayed old arguments.

I imagined what might go wrong.

I looked for rejection before it had even happened.

And because I practised fear so often...

fear arrived instantly.

Love felt slower.

Not because love was difficult.

Because love was less familiar.

Not teaching.

Not fixing.

Practising.

I am love.

Not only when my wife agrees with me.

Not only when my bank balance reassures me.

Not only when life gives me perfect evidence.

I am love before any of that happens.

Every time the old button is pressed, I still have a choice.

I can repeat the old programme.

Or I can practise a new one.

✨ The emotions that come naturally tomorrow are the emotions I practise today.

What have you become world-class at practising?

Fear?

Anger?

Rejection?

Or love?

Today, do not wait for someone else to press the right button.

Pause for one minute.

Remember one moment when love was unquestionably present.

Do not analyse it.

Let yourself feel it.

Then say...

I am love.

Because the emotions that come naturally tomorrow...

are the ones you practise today.

If you’d like to experience this work, I’d love to welcome you.

Maybe we’ll meet there.

With love,

Hitesh Bhatia
Founder, Constellation Facilitator, Cycle Breaker