Are you having fun?

I put a lot of pressure on myself to be great.

I hadn’t before, at least since high school. Back then, I was given Quiz Team.

It was the sport for nerds. I was tested on recall, the ability to predict the question being asked as early as possible, my ability to push a button with my thumb (thanks Mario!), and my desire to learn.

We won the state championship my senior year.

On the day of senior prom.

I remember feeling on top of the world that night. We were celebrated, in a way I haven’t allowed elsewhere. Because it’s the only thing I actually felt like I won.

I didn’t feel like I “won” my degrees. I felt like I paid a shit ton of money to be in a place that slowed me down while the internet was more fun. That delightful Millennial place in time, where we had an internet that only showed us the fun possibilities of connection, not the dark abyss of burnout and avoidance.

Back when we were optimistic about the future.

I didn’t “win” jobs, I found them. There wasn’t a clear competition. I couldn’t see who else was in the running. I didn’t have a scoreboard to know when I was behind. So I played the numbers game, like everyone else. Then I discovered building in public and I knew there was a different game we could play.