Things have been a bit dull lately, and we don’t like it; not one bit. We can no longer stand by and watch our local heroes and villains, champions of freedom and pedantic meddlers, fail to play their parts. The people of this County deserve better. So we’re back, and we’re hoping to lend our would-be local officials a hand—just in time for election season.
In the absence of any meetings of note, and in preparation for the upcoming (nonpartisan!) City Council election, we thought we should have a closer look at a trio of Ward 3 candidates who will square off in the August primary. The candidates have, as far as we have seen, not issued many public statements, and the lines are therefore relatively blurred, with the exception of Ms. Penny Swan coming out hard for fellow Dem, Amber Yoder. We hope to clarify things for the voters, as usual with the very words of the candidates themselves.
*What we have to work with is footage from a recent Hillsdale Conservatives candidate forum, at which the candidates delivered speeches and answered follow up questions. The Hillsdalian attempted to cover the event, but their product was rather. . . bland. Sad!
Amber Yoder: The Respect Factor
Ms. Yoder promises to restore Respect, though respect for what or whom, she does not say. We will help her fill in the blanks from her own conduct and words: Respect entails zeal for federal regulations pertaining to antiracism and LGBT activism and preemptory compliance with State mandates (so long as they come from the Left); it demands strict adherence to the sacred jargon of smafry and the deception of others and oneself to spare feelings, regardless of the outcome for the City’s residents. She will also, apparently, shout down the disRespectful in order to secure more widespread Respect. Without further ado, Ms. Yoder—
On Servant Leadership: “Service has always been a big part of what I do, and it’s a big part of my life. I currently serve the City on the Zoning Board of Appeals.” In her ZBA capacity, Ms. Yoder, we see, voted against Camp Harbor’s request for a zoning variance.
On her slogan: “One of the core values of my campaign is Respect. . . Be Respectful, that’s really important and sometimes we forget that.”1
“The Respect Factor is a big issue right now. People want to be heard; people should be heard. And I think we can do it in a way where everyone can win.”2
At a recent Council meeting, shrieking from the audience about Bentley’s questioning of the City’s celebration of Juneteenth: “It’s a FEDERAL HOLIDAY!” After her outburst, Yoder can be heard trying to talk over Council for several seconds.3
Her first campaign lie: “I’m not going to lose my temper.”
Confessing her adherence to the Democrat party line: “One of the great things about City Council is it’s a nonpartisan position. If you look at the ballot it’s not under Democrat or Republican. I don’t think that we need to worry about partisan politics on City Council because we’re all different. . . I’m not going to focus on any kind of labeling.”
Initially siding against Mayor Sessions after his Lashaway induced mental health crisis:4 “I thought things went a little far, out of control, out of hand. The meeting rules and procedures had not been amended, and I think until that happened, it was a null and void point, and what happened should not have happened Monday night.”
Yoder later flipped, presumably under the guidance of her most controversial supporter: “I just wanna contribute that I do appreciate the Announcing of the Names because contrary to popular belief not everyone in this city knows who everyone is, so I do appreciate that.”
On empowerment: “There are no women on the City Council, and I think that’s a valuable viewpoint that we’re kind of missing.”
On ignoring constituents: “You’re there to represent your constituents, but you are also there to make sure that the City is benefitting and growing.”
“I support Pride Month.”
Matthew Kniffin:
Kniffin, who Ms. Swan recently crowned as an honorary PhD Boy, brutally frame mogged the opposition. He was, moreover, the only candidate with anything to say beyond vague feelings about what’s happening and what’s possible.
On Spyin’ Scott v. Lashaway: “It was ridiculous. Mayor Sessions, from the videos we’ve seen, likes to follow around Lance [much laughter]. . . There’s some animosity there, and that came out.”
On green energy schemes and increasing BPU rates: “All these projects have been approved by our City Council and our City Manager also. . . They’re voting for those higher rates.”
On roads without SADs: “Barry Street shouldn’t be forgotten; we should repave Barry Street.” Nothing could be so offensive to Staff as to reward the anti-SAD curmudgeons of Barry Street.
On the Keester: “We might need to give them a harder deadline in the future. No more approvals for that.”
On the stakes: “The people on the next City Council choose the next City Manager.”
“I want to keep Hillsdale what it is. It’s a great place to live.”
John Kast: Hope & Data
You don’t have to worry about John Kast: he has decided not to decide, and that makes him (unironically) perfect for the Hillsdale City Council, which as a body is relentlessly committed to taking no responsibility. And while he may explicitly wish to transform your City, rest assured he won’t make any decisions himself, but rather defer to the Data.
On making everyone get along by smashing them over the head with data: “I want to make sure that Hillsdale changes. There’s a lot of animosity. That needs to stop. That needs to change. I would like to change that because I’m a cool person. I believe in making decisions based on Data. Everything I’ve done in my career has always been based on Data. . . Let’s see that Data.”
Pretending to want young people involved: “Try to get younger generations involved in things.” What will he do when the Data tells him the young people could be Negative?
“Keefer House—there needs to be a plan presented to the people.”
On Scott’s Lashaway embarrassment: “The Mayor’s job is to keep it under control. . . I was very disappointed; he shouldn’t have acted that way, he was very unprofessional. . . We’re here to do our job, not our personal opinions.”5
“We can disagree and still get along. I have several friends that are for a different political party than I am. . . That’s the way the United States was wrought.”
A Jack McClain-ism: “The lack of teamwork needs to stop. It needs to go away.”
“And so one of the things we want to mention here with this Time Capsule is that it will actually be sealed and placed in the ground toward the end of next week.” smafry, on how the City and its business partners were a bit delayed in preparing the time capsule.6
“Bentley is running for mayor while using his council seat to mislead another government about an ADA‑protected sober‑living facility and openly jeopardize Hillsdale’s legal position—voters should see this video before they decide if he deserves a promotion.” Penny Swan comes to the aid of the skulkers of Camp Harbor.
“But the problem is not simply that these writers have opinions. The problem is that this ecosystem repeatedly uses editor labels, pen names like ‘Clovis,’ and ideological framing while presenting itself as something more neutral, more civic-minded, and more representative than it really is.”7 Penny Swan prompts ChatGPT to condemn us for our use of pseudonyms. Shall we summon Grok to our defense?
“Rural hospitals are bleeding from the drug crisis. Opioid money should be their lifeline.” Swan runs PR for JarJar, Grand Visionary who’s apparently after more government treats.8
“The city has no business owning a fake power company, just repurchasing power and marking it up.” Hillsdale BPU catches strays from a rogue Jeff King.9
Who is “we” here? Certainly she does not mean herself, since she is a keeper of Respect. So who forgets about Respect, and how will her browbeating help restore it?
Nobody loses in Hillsdale when we all link arms, werk together, and open up our pocketbooks for the indisputable Vision of the Good, i.e., the Bright & Beautiful Future!
Respect, it turns out, means disrespectfully shouting down those with whom one disagrees, just as Positivity around here seems to mean gratuitously labeling all ED skeptics as Negative in order to discredit them.
And yet many of you, readers—living as you do in a town utterly obsessed with keeping up appearances PR—seem to indulge this little semantic game as much as anybody else, prophetically intoning in your own ways, bursting forth with Visions of Bright&BeautifulFutures that will inspire and educate the humble masses, who must learn to open up their pocketbooks for the completion of abstract communal ideals. And of course it all makes perfect electoral sense; people don’t want to hear about drug problems, road repair, government bloat, or lack of respect for the law; they want a safe candidate, someone who will promise them a wide swathe of consumer conveniences, someone well versed in the art of consumption; they want—Bitchin’ Bob.
Is there a place to get mental health treatment around town?
Ultimately, however, we will need to see what the Data says about the Sessions-Lashaway dispute.
A bit of self-indulgent nonsense, a pitiful waste of time, all inspired no doubt by the cutesy mock-sincerity of Leslie Knope.
Penny, please be more careful with your ChatGPT prompts. Others around this town might claim to be “neutral,” but at the HCR have no such pretense!
Did JarJar send her a Venmo payment to post this?
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