It Seems I've Stolen My Husband's Style, And That Feels Complicated!

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Hi everyone, and welcome back. As always, I’m so glad that you’re here. Before we get into today’s story, I just wanted to say thank you for the remarkable kindness you all show me on a regular basis. The comments and messages I received after last week’s newsletter were so meaningful, and I appreciate that folks feel comfortable sharing here. Getting older is a wild privilege, and while I feel lucky to have the space to navigating my identity as both my kids and parents age, it can sometimes feel overwhelming, and I appreciate being able to speak about it here.

Mildly related: In addition to appreciating the online community of this newsletter, I also sometimes get to meet a few of you in the wild, and I love it. If you ever see me out and are wondering whether or not to tell me you read the newsletter, please do! It really delights me; please know that I get a kick out of it.

One more thing: J.Crew is having another sale, and if you have the shoppies and want to know what I’d spend my (and your!) money on, here is a small list: I’m a sucker for Liberty florals and love a side-tie bikini for laying out, so I just bought the Hipster String Bikini Bottom ($49.50) in a medium and the matching Halter-Neck Bikini Top ($49.50). I love this simple black cotton poplin Reverie Dress ($98.50) in black; I have the small. Also the Boatneck T-Shirt in Striped Heavyweight Cotton ($54.50) will work well into fall and now is a great time to stock up on the well-priced New Relaxed Linen T-Shirts ($24.50). Also my favorite go-to cover-up, the Relaxed Fit Beach Shirt ($59.50), is on sale. It’s so cute and cool and breezy. And finally, I have no idea why my favorite Cashmere-Blend Trouser Socks ($34.50) are on sale, but honestly worth stocking up.

Alas, I’ve Stolen My Husband’s Style.

You know how sometimes you have a realization that hits you like a thunderbolt? Something clicks that’s so obvious, you don’t know how you didn’t see it before? And once you see it, you can’t go back to before times? Well that’s how I felt the other day, when I realized that after nearly 10 years of marriage, I might have slowly stolen my husband’s personal style.

How embarrassing! I’ve worked in fashion for over twenty years; how did I become a style copy cat? And of a straight man, no less? It’s so wrong, but here’s the thing: It’s also so right, which might be both the best and worst part of the whole thing.

See, my husband has great taste. (I mean, obviously; look at who he married.) And I have a whole theory that having similar or at least highly compatible taste is actually more important in a relationship than anyone ever discusses. But that’s another conversation for another newsletter. Back to his taste: I think he’s better at dressing himself than 95% of the other straight men I know, without being too style-y, which I also wouldn’t like. And it’s taste that has evolved over the twelve years we’ve been together, from indie rock hipster when we were going to dive bars and shows all the time to the proper chic man he is today.

So if I’m going to steal someone’s style, at least his is good? That’s what I’m telling myself. But jokes aside, I do feel like there’s something remarkably wonderful about being able to borrow things from his closet and take cues from his wardrobe choices. And even better, I think there are things I’ve learned from him that I think are somewhat universal jumping off points. And am I the only one who has done this? If you’re a thief too, let me know if the comments.

1. A vintage t-shirt will forever be that girl.

There is something about a worn-in vintage graphic t-shirt that will always be cool, no matter the trend cycle. And happily, my husband doesn’t seem to mind that I have commandeered some of his best pieces. I wear them tucked into my go-to black leather skirts, or cinched at the waist with a hair tie, and then tucked into the small of my back.

2. A great chore jacket is universally cool.

As some of you might know, I wear an Alex Mill blue Painter Jacket ($225) on a regular basis and believe it is the best option for travel in the world. That jacket is 100% inspired by my husband’s Garment Dyed Chore Jacket in Canvas ($225) in French Navy. And that I wear his as much as my own, and vice versa. My jacket is an oversized medium, which he will steal for walking the dog, and I have borrowed his more times than I can count. Either way, the jacket is rad and I will keep yammering about it as long as the color is in stock.

3. Loafers make most everything look better.

While I might have been the first in our house to wear Jamie Haller loafers, I will admit that my husband started wearing this shoe style before I did. Embarrassing, but he was right. And even more embarrassing, but also lovely: He’s the one who bought me my first pair! And eventually I bought him his own pair of Jamie Haller loafers, which he wears and loves as much as I do. My point is simple: Loafers are still cool and everyone should have a pair they love.

4. Clip-on sunglasses are worth trying.

You know how I talked about the Jimmy Fairly sunglasses that are giving me joy last week? Well I might have gotten that idea from my husband, who wears a fancier pair from Moscot. He has the brand’s Lemtosh glasses with the Cliptosh, an actual working clip-on sunglass on top of his prescription distance glasses. (For folks who need glasses for distance, it’s kind of perfect because then you don’t need separate prescription sunglasses.) Also, did you know Warby Parker makes a range of affordable clip-on sunglasses? Personally I like their Winston Frames ($95) in Black Oak Tortoise with the Winston Medium Clip On ($95), but they have a surprising amount of options that are cute and worth exploring.

5. Custom pendants on a ball chain necklace are worth the investment.

On our first anniversary, my husband gave me a 1916 Mercury dime from the San Francisco mint, which he had turned into a pendant and paired with a thin ball chain. He has a matching one, from the Philadelphia mint. (Why this necklace? We were married in 2016, so the date is significant, and the San Francisco mint is the closest one to where I grew up, while the Philly one is closest to his childhood home.) I also love it because the chain is a fancy version of my military father’s dog tags, which were always popping up in random drawers in our house. I love that we have matching custom necklaces, and that he found something that’s cool enough for both of us.

And if you were wondering: Why aren’t there pictures of said husband? I understand! Here’s the thing: I am conscious of the fact that he is not a public person, and while he’s kind enough to let me write about him, I am also try to be respectful of his privacy. But trust me: He’s cool. I mean, this is his t-shirt; who could resist?

Okay friends, that’s it for now. If you want to follow me on @hillarykerr, I’d love it. And if you have anything to say or ask (preferably nothing terribly mean), please drop me a note either via DM or in the comments below.

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