The Weight of Caring

This post contains affiliate links

You may have noticed I am sending this newsletter from another platform, Substack. After last week’s fiasco, I couldn’t take the risk that a first draft would get sent to my audience again. Thankfully there was nothing embarrassing in there but a lot of times my rough drafts are indeed, very rough. I write gibberish sometimes just to get my thoughts out, and I write things that I’d never send out to the general public. So when our previous newsletter provider took what I had I spent hours writing and reverted it to an old saved version, I was horrified and angry.

What is great about this new platform is that as a subscriber, you can go back and look at all of my previous newsletters. So if you want to know about some muffin recipe I wrote a couple months ago, you could go back and look for it. In order to do this, you will need to sign up for a Substack account. The account is FREE and you can even leave comments on our emails there, have conversations with other subscribers, and see smaller posts/thoughts from us.

Of course, you can just read my weekly newsletter in your email like you always have, but you can also make an account and enjoy a sort of bigger experience.

Leave a comment

Now that we’ve gotten our affairs in order, let’s move on shall we? This week we hosted our a long-time friend, Grace, and her mother, Becky. Grace hasn’t been to our place in a couple of years and Becky has only ever seen it on our videos, so it was nice showing them all of our progress. Becky really wanted to try the granola we’re always making, but we didn’t have any made. We sure did whip up a batch together and sent them home with jars of granola. We enjoyed sitting around the camp fire sharing stories and catching up. For us this kicks off hosting season. We will be hosting another friend in a couple of weeks followed by some of Savannah’s family coming to visit. We loving hosting our friends and family!

While our guests were here, we got to talking about one of our favorite documentaries, The Biggest Little Farm. If you haven’t seen it yet, stop everything and watch it. The film follows a couple who transform 234 acres of depleted land into a thriving farm through regenerative agricultural practices, and it had a profound impact on us.

When I first watched it, I was already interested in organic gardening, permaculture, and animal welfare. Years earlier, Food, Inc. had been a real eye opener for me and even led me to spend a year as a vegan. It wasn’t that I believed eating animals was inherently wrong, but I just couldn’t reconcile myself with the way so many of them were treated.

At the time, owning land or living off-grid wasn’t even on our radar. Still, The Biggest Little Farm changed the way we thought about growing food and caring for the land. Many of the ideas that inspired us then continue to shape how we garden and steward our little piece of the world today.

One of the unspoken principles we have in our animal ownership is doing our best to ensure they have a good quality of life. I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night anxious about one of the animals. Right now, we have a sick chicken. Two days ago I was certain her death was eminent. I’ve done all the things. Searched every corner of the internet and even consulted a veterinarian over the phone. I could drive to an avian vet 3 hours away and spend hundreds (maybe thousands) of dollars to save her. I could let her die when the time comes or I could be brave and euthanize her myself if needed. I want the absolute best for all of my animals and more than anything I don’t want them to suffer. I think this is a question many animal owners face , when is it time to let go?

The first time I faced this question I was 31 years old and my beloved yellow lab Lucy had cancer. New Years Day I took her to the emergency vet and by March 1st, I made the decision to put her down. To give you some perspective, when I read Marley & Me, I sobbed the entire day when I got to the ending because I knew one day that day would come for me.

I fretted over that day even when my dogs were young. And that time came sooner than it should have for my sweet girl Lucy who was only 10. Thankfully, my vet gave me a criteria to look for every day to decide if today was the dreaded day. Having signs to look for was comforting because it gave me something measurable. I wanted to enjoy every last moment with her but also didn’t want to cause her any suffering because I couldn’t let go.

For now the hen seems comfortable. She is still eating and drinking and I have her in a pen where she can see the other chickens but not be harassed by them. She doesn’t seem to be in pain, though she did the other day when I realized she was sick. I have chickens that I’m more fond of than others but I’m not overly attached to any of them. Not attached enough to drive her 3 hours and spend a considerable amount of money to potentially extend her life a little longer. Maybe that’s not the right attitude. Maybe it’s not fair to her. Does her life mean less because I am not emotionally attached to her? I am grateful for her and what all of my animals provide for me- some provide joy while others provide actual food. I am also practical and does it make sense to spend hundreds of dollars on a $20 chicken? For me the answer is, no.

The reality of caring for animals is that love, responsibility, grief, and practicality are often tangled together in ways that don't have clear answers. Maybe that's one of the hardest lessons that comes with tending animals. We do our best to give them good lives. We do our best to ease their suffering when the time comes. And sometimes we have to make decisions that don't feel entirely right no matter which path we choose.

For now, all I can do is keep checking on her, make sure she’s comfortable, and wait to see what tomorrow brings. In the meantime, life carries on in all the ordinary ways. The garden still needs tending, the goats still need to be milked, and dinner still has to make its way to the table.

Last year we bought a book called Slow Drinks because everything about it seemed to be our cup of tea, pun intended. It focuses on using in-season produce and wild ingredients to create delicious cocktails and mocktails. We’ve made a couple recipes in there and have never been disappointed. We used the basic shrub recipe to use up some of our strawberries we harvested about a month ago and even though the recipe is simple, it’s still lovely!

We let our frozen strawberries defrost for the recipe, but you could also use fresh ones.

Ingredients:

• 1 part strawberries (we did 12 oz.)

• 1 part apple cider vinegar (we did 12 oz.)

• 1 part sugar (we did 12 oz.)

Directions:

1. Heat ACV & sugar over low heat until sugar is dissolved. Remove from the heat immediately.

2. Blend ACV mixture with strawberries and then pour mixture into a sieve over a bowl.

3. Serve with sparkling water.

Note: I think a great ratio would be 1 part shrub : 3 parts sparkling water, but you can adjust according to your preference. If you want your drink to be sweeter, add more shrub, but keep in mind that it will also be more vinegary.

I bought sandals last year that were both cute and comfortable and this year I bought another pair in a different color. And because this brand’s shoes are so comfortable I also bought a different style that is also waterproof. They are the kind of shoes you could walk around all day in.

This is going to sound dramatic but this device has literally changed our lives for the better. Savannah and I have always had a hard time keeping our schedule managed and keeping up with basic daily tasks (there are so many of them!) Now, I’ve become a person who follows a skincare routine twice a day. I never saw it coming but somehow giving myself stars for completing a task was all that was missing.

While we’re talking about good habits, I hate wearing sunscreen. But I know it’s important- even if just for vanity sake ( of course the health reasons being the most important). This face sunscreen is hands down the best I’ve tried over the years and I’ve heard many others say the same. It’s lightweight, not bothersome under makeup, and doesn’t leave a white cast. I’ve also being using the same brand’s moisturizer with SPF and it is also a winner.

That’s all for today, folks! Thanks for reading :)

-Casey (& Savannah)