Cozy gaming is hard when you can’t let yourself be cozy

Let’s make this a safe space for a second, okay - I need to say out loud that I’m actually terrible at relaxing. And despite gaming being literally one of my biggest hobbies, I go through phases where playing cozy games feels impossible, because the moment I sit down to play a voice in the back of my head starts tallying all the things I’m not doing. The dishes. The laundry. The creative project I’ve been putting off. The “productive” uses of my limited free time.

The cruel irony is I’m drawn to cozy games specifically because they promise relaxation, but sometimes I can’t even let myself relax enough to play the game that’s supposed to give me relaxation. I’ve curated wishlists and a game library on my Switch and Steam Deck full cozy games, ones with tags like “wholesome” “idle” and “relaxing” as the main tags, and I literally cannot bring myself to play them.

When your free time feels limited, you begin to question how you’re spending the time you do have. It’s probably a consequence of me working through years of burnout from a very time-exhaustive and mentally draining job, and while I’ve made the changes in my life to give back time and balance, the lingering anxiety around leisure remains.

Sandbox games, those beautiful, open-ended experiences with no objectives, no end goals, no structure… they’re everything my productivity-poisoned brain struggles with. No goals means no progress. No progress means no justification. And suddenly I’m second-guessing whether I should keep playing or go do something “useful.”

Case in point: I bought A Short Hike months ago because everyone said it was perfect and calming. It’s still sitting in my library, unplayed. I know exactly what it is - you fly around a beautiful mountain, talk to birds, explore at your own pace. That’s literally the entire game, and the reason I can’t bring myself to start it.

So I often find myself gravitating toward games with goals. Progress bars, unlockables, achievements. Stardew Valley is my crutch, where I can meticulously plan my farm layouts and compulsively check the Wiki to optimize my crop rotations. Games where I can trick my brain into thinking I’m being productive, even though I’m still just playing a game. I need to satisfy that urge that I’m progressing, that I’m doing something of meaning. Even in my leisure time, I’m negotiating with my productivity guilt.

The truth I know, but need to actualize, is you need to allow yourself to be cozy. Your brain needs a safe space to reset, a place with no pressure, no performance metrics, no optimization required. The constant grind of routine and “real world” productivity isn’t sustainable without these moments of genuine rest. And rest isn’t something you have to earn by checking off enough tasks first, it’s something everyone should be able to enjoy guilt-free.

The problem isn’t the games or any particular genre. There’s nothing wrong with open-ended sandboxes or “pointless” wandering. The problem is that I’ve internalized this idea, thanks to how I was raised, my education, my career, the way our society operates in general, that my worth is measured by my output.

I wish I could tell you I’ve figured it out how to remove this hardwiring from my brain, that I’ve cracked the code and can share with you all the secrets to doing it for yourself. But I haven’t. I’m still that person who adds farming sims to their cart instead of the artistic walking simulators. I’m still choosing games with task lists over games with freedom.

But I am trying. I’m trying to recognize that the discomfort I feel when playing “unproductive” games is a sign that I need this more than I think. That anxiety is what I’m supposed to be working through, not avoiding.

Some days I manage it. Some days I can sit with a cozy game for hours and genuinely decompress, letting go of the need to quantify what I’m getting out of it. Other days, the productivity demon wins and I end up doing chores instead, or maybe even worse, over-optimizing my Stardew Valley farm layout until it stops being fun.

If you’re reading this and nodding along, know that you’re not alone in this, and it is genuinely hard to unlearn years of messaging that tells us our value comes from our productivity. It’s hard to give ourselves permission to just… be. But we have to try. Because sometimes the most productive thing you can do is absolutely nothing.

I’m not there yet, but I’m working on it, and maybe that’s enough for now.

What about you? Do you struggle with this too? Have you found ways to actually relax while gaming, or are you still negotiating with your guilt every time you pick up a controller? I’d love to hear I’m not alone in this.

Share