Substack recently added some really cool features, including that big, sexy S you just saw with those big, sexy, wet eyes of yours (only if you’re looking at this in a web browser and, apparently, no where else). And I have to say — that big sexy letter really motivated me to get to tippy-tapping today!
Small rewards are truly the backbone of doing any single task. Our ancestors got to chew tobacco or take a long, cold sips of mead while watching the sun dip below the horizon. We get big letter and microplastics.
I decided to delay this week’s Things That Made Life Worth Living for a few reasons:
I didn’t really want this to become a weekly thing but then… well! Your mother (me, I) lost my job. And now I have very few excuses to not sit down and write a newsletter.
The longer the amount of time between newsletters, the more Things that keep me Living
I have been so fucking sick—between a horrible cold and seasonal allergies, I’ve been super-producing mucus and ennui for the last seven days. But I’m better now!
I’m not sure how often I’ll do this!? Let me know below if you like weekly, biweekly, or perhaps…. never at all!
This bread. This bread is…special.
Many things change and yet so many stay the same. I’ve been enjoying Thomas’ Cinnamon Raisin Swirl Bread for as long as I can remember eating food. It’s hard for me to imagine a version of my life where I don’t know what Thomas’ Cinnamon Raisin Swirl Bread tastes like—where Thomas’ Cinnamon Raisin Swirl Bread is just a meaningless series of words and not the epicenter of a deep, emotional sense memory.
Lightly toasted or plain old raw, I’ll take my cinnamon raisin swirl bread pretty much any way I can get it. I think putting butter on it is a little bit of a dangerous game, re: texture, but have I done it? Sure have. And I'll do it again.
And before we go any further, let me address what I can already feel will be some feedback for me and Thomas—
Is it packed with protein? No.
Is it nutrient dense? Not at all.
Is it rich in fiber? Probably not, why would it be!
Are you open to a healthier option? Absolutely not! My mind is not open to “““healthier””” substitutes; my soul is not receiving other notions of cinnamon-flavored indigestible protein bombs; my heart is with Thomas and his loaf that feels like a warm hug and THAT is THAT.
If you really want a decadent treat, may I suggest making a peanut butter and honey sandwich with this bread?????? And if I did, what would you do???? Would you try it???
Reading this essay is truly the hardest I’ve laughed in a really long time. The entire thing is genius, but this passage in particular really lit up my central cortex:
These are men who, regardless of their height, income, grooming, or social positioning, exhibit an almost preternatural ability to repel women. They do not merely fail to attract; they actively generate aversion. They do not lack opportunity so much as they negate it upon arrival.
In the vernacular, these men “scare the hoes.”
Urban Dictionary defines scaring the hoes as: “striking fear into the hoes’ hearts with abnormal actions.”
However, for some men, action isn’t required. Their presence alone appears to produce a low-grade, ambient discomfort that women can detect with remarkable consistency. One might describe it as a kind of social radiation of hoe scaring.
I’m not really ready to come out fully as a Lena Dunham apologist, as I think that would require me to be open to potentially publicly defending Ms. Dunham, but I will say this — she is the voice of MY generation.
This interview is so, so good and it made me even more excited for her forthcoming memoir FAMESICK.
I don’t really think Lena needs me to be doing unpaid promotion for her, so I’ll keep this section brief: her conversation with David is really life-affirming read for a certain type of Millennial woman, and whether I like it or not, I am that type of Millennial woman. Cheers.
Today it just said, “Hustle.”
What this newsletter format is actually doing is exposing that I have many deeply dorky hobbies that, if I’m not careful, will get me shoved in a locker. Regardless,
I love video games, and I’m definitely more of a roguelike and PVP game player, as I don’t have the attention span or time for narratives and rpgs these days. After watching Vanillamace play Marvel Rivals a handful of times, I finally worked up the courage (I’m not kidding! It’s a very intimidating game!) to jump in and I’m fully addicted.
Much like mother mace, I really love playing as the thicc and juicy icon Squirrel Girl. She’s a perenially overlooked underdog with no healing abilities or like crazy flying skills. She’s also played best on the backline, which is something the literal children playing this game don’t appreciate. Nothing matches the high of sniping a bunch of Hulks and Deadpools from a rooftop as Miz Squirrel. You know they’re biting their damn fists and punching their pillow!
Also, her sidekick is a squirrel named Tippy Toe that sits on her head. Like okay literally ME vibes!!!!!!
If you also play, send me your gamer tag! Perhaps we’ll meet in the mean streets of Shin-Shibuya.
In 2020, the reigning queen of controversial white women Lana Del Ray released a spoken word poetry album titled Violet Bent Backwards over the Grass. And it’s still one of my favorite pieces of her work.
Her words on the page are beautiful, but performed and paired with soft instrumentation transforms Lana’s poetry into pure, meditative joy. This album feels nostalgic and classic and never fails to calm me. While there are some poems I personally maybe would have edited, I will never not appreciate the way Lana allows herself to produce creative works in whatever direction her internal muse points her. Her work feels intuitive and connected.
Violet Bent Backwards… is a beautiful poem with an incredible misdirection in the title. It’s one of my favorite from the collection, but my ultimate favorite is Happy. Listen here:
You can find the entire album on Spotify, and a printed copy of the collection in pretty much any bookstore. The physical book is really beautiful.
Fluonase
The color yellow
Dreaming about Croatia
Sunshine
Cherry perfume
Hot showers
My Italian Vampire is free all weekend. If you’re having a hard time and need something to read/distract you, check her out.
What’s kept you living?? Tell me in the comments! The people need to know!
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