Signs and red flags that your female partner is a closeted lesbian

Again none of these prove anything. These are to validate your gut feeling and to cope with any gaslighting. The obvious signs would be having a sexual past with women, only getting aroused while watching lesbian porn or lesbian love scenes, getting caught texting romantic and sexual things to “a good friend”.

She comments on and checks out other women’s bodies. She is really vague about her sexual past. She was raised in a homophobic religion or cult and purity culture.

She can be homophobic, or the opposite where she has a lot of empathy for lesbians and their rights and loves watching shows with lesbian couples especially if there are lesbian love scenes.

She likes to go to gay bars. She doesn’t like sex with you, she never initiates, hardly ever has an orgasm, doesn’t want to talk about sex or experiment. She sees sex as being something dirty or as an exchange with you, like she gives you sex so you will do housework. (These sexual ones alone mean not a lot without other obvious signs, as there are so many other reasons for these.)

She gets really into friendships with women and seems to be having emotional affairs with them. She starts going to over night groups of single women out of the blue and won’t tell you what the group is about. Or she joins womens groups that seem to be almost full of lesbians.

As with the guys, she seems emotionally distant, sex on the honeymoon is absent, weird or you feel like she is going through the motions. She seems depressed for no reason, she seems to withdraw into her own world a lot. There is also a high level of substance and process addictions (that would be gambling, shopping, hoarding, etc.)

Other queer people hit on her or assume she is a lesbian. She gets really very excited when a queer woman compliments her.

Becomes a very ardent feminist. Says if you died she would only ever date women. Starts to wear masculine clothes and has a more masculine fashion style and hair cut.

Says that hetero sex is inherently about just the man's pleasure. Says she would like to only have sex with women and that sex with men is just a man using a woman's body.

She becomes very concerned with the LGBTQ community, their rights, wants to go to Pride events. Becomes very upset when she reads or hears news about something negative happening legally to lesbians or when there is violence against lesbians, more than she does regarding other minority groups.

Again, none of these is the ultimate clue to absolutely let you know that your SO is a lesbian, this is to help verify your own gut feelings and to help you when they are gaslighting you or refusing to admit it.

If you need support with this issue, please visit Www.ourpath.org. They are not a crisis service. They will call you and find a volunteer in your area who can talk to you on the phone or meet you in person. Their website has a ton of helpful information. They are life savers.