Burn the witch!

I want you to know that when I tell people that men who dress up as women have a fetish and it turns them on to be in spaces where women are naked because it validates their womanhood, men and women alike get very angry. When I ask handmaidens if it would be ok with them if a TIM went home after seeing them naked in the locker room and masturbated to their body, they insist that of course this never happens and would never happen.

First of all, do you not think these men are attracted to women? Many of them identify as lesbians. Do you not think they masturbate? What world do you live in where men don’t masturbate over images of naked women they just saw?

When I tell these people that I was married to a TIM and that I saw his fetish up close and personal in our bed and that he raped me by deception and that 40% of transwidows report being physically abused by their exes, do you know what all of them say?

“You have been hurt deeply. You obviously need a therapist. Get some help. Nothing you are saying matters.”

I would like to remind everyone and make the younger generation aware that until 1992 there was a state in the US where it was legal to rape your spouse. When I was in college in the early 90’s, no one believed that date rape was real. Rape only happened with strange men jumping out of bushes. And if you agreed to go on a date with a man and you drank and went in a private room with him, weren’t you giving him consent?

I would like to point out that until around 2000 or so people didn’t believe that priests had a very widespread attraction to boys and they definitely didn’t believe that priests would ever use their position to rape and sexually assault boys.

Sometimes it takes a while for society to catch up to reality and to believe the survivors. Hell, there are still men who believe that being married means their wife owes them sex anytime they want it.

So yes it can be hard to change your concepts about a group of people. It can be difficult to realize that you have been blind, you might have even defended a husband who was trying to get his wife to submit back in the 80’s. You might have refused to believe that your favorite priest was repeatedly raping children and that the Catholic Church was protecting all of them.

And you can say “But not all priests.” Of course not. But would you want your son to be naked in a locker room alone with a priest? If a priest started showing special interest in your son and wanted to spend time alone with him and gave him gifts would you say “Not all priests, it’s ok.”

No, you would keep your son safe.

Not all trans identified males have the autogynephilia fetish. But I believe that enough of them do that they should not be allowed in female only spaces. In addition to the other reasons, such as women have the right to not be naked in front of men or to see men’s naked bodies in bathrooms and locker rooms. Women have been traumatized enough by men sexually and we deserve to have privacy.

The other part of these people’s responses involves one of the patriarchies oldest tricks. If they can’t burn a woman, they put them in an insane asylum. If they can’t do that, they call them crazy.

So they all say I need therapy because I’m trying to warn other people about this and educate them about it. Yes, I need therapy after being raped by deception for six years, after being financially and emotionally and physically abused for six years. Of course I do.

But that doesn’t mean you get to silence me. This is circular logic. “He hurt you so much, now you are so completely broken that you are insane and we can’t believe anything you say about the violence he committed against you.”

Or they say “You are just saying this because he hurt you, get therapy.” Again, same lack of logic. Needing therapy isn’t a character flaw and it isn’t a reason for anyone to be silent about the abuse that was done to them.

If he was the only one, then fine. I wouldn’t be here writing about it. I have talked to literally hundreds of women personally who have been through this sexual abuse, who have seen the fetish, who have realized they are nothing but a prop in their spouse’s AGP fantasies. I have friends who exes put up selfies of themselves referring to their fetish.

I’ve read probably thousands of these stories on various straight spouse and trans widow web sites, in books, and in movies like Behind the Looking Glass. There is even a TIM psychologist who admits they all are narcissists and have the AGP fetish.

So yes I was hurt, yes I needed therapy, but no, that doesn’t mean my voice doesn’t matter. It doesn’t make me hysterical or crazy and I don’t need a lobotomy so I can perform better for the patriarchy. It means I’m a fucking expert on this topic and I’m not going to shut up.

In fact my writing and talking about this is part of post traumatic growth for me. If I can help other women who are with men who are claiming to be “just a cross dresser”, whose husbands decide one day that they are in fact a lady, who have had to witness this fetish in their bedroom, then it is worth if to me.

If I can educate other people about what is going on in these men’s heads, if I can help therapists know how to better help transwidows, it will be worth it.