Family Life Then and Now

This is my mom:

I asked her to write an article about her childhood because it seems to be a constant conversation between us as I now raise my own children. I always want to hear how grandma did it, how she did it, and what she’s noticing in the world of young moms today.

She agreed and here it is:

I was raised by parents who were born in 1928, and I am the youngest of their eight children.  We were raised on a family farm with old fashioned values.  Back then, the majority of moms stayed home with their children.

When my daughter asked me to write about and “compare” my upbringing with today’s upbringing of children, my first thought was, “There is no comparison.”  But, she persisted and made me think that maybe I could make some comparisons and/or maybe I could share some things that may help the moms of today.

Three areas of family life came to my mind:

FAMILY RESPONSIBILITY

Today, I hear a lot of people saying that if your child is not participating in sports, they will never know how to work with others or be on a team.  Well, let me tell you, your family is the first team and the most important team you will ever be on.  Family responsibility is just that – it is our responsibility, as a family, to work together, to take care of each other, and to get along with each other.  Everyone in the family, young and old, carry this responsibility.  Growing up, “playing” didn’t occur until all the chores were done in the house, outside, and around the farm/yard.  It was an expectation and we didn’t know any different.  We knew from a very young age that it was our responsibility to clean our room, help with laundry, do the dishes, work in the garden, cook, bake, clean the house, mow the lawn, weed the garden.  We knew that before breakfast, we made our bed, got ourselves dressed, washed up and brushed our teeth, cleaned our room, and hauled the dirty laundry to the laundry room.  We knew that we set the table, swept the floor, and did the dishes.  It became such a routine that no one had to tell us to do it.  We didn’t think of it as “work” and we didn’t complain or dread it – it was a way of life.  We didn’t expect Mom or Dad to “entertain” us or take us on an outing that completely centered around our entertainment or pleasure.  We didn’t need brand new clothes or a cute outfit to wear so we’d look cute in a picture.  We wore plain clothes, torn clothes, hand-me-downs, and old clothes; and we were completely content with it.  We got dirty and stayed dirty all day.  We knew that we were going to spend our day helping Mom or Dad do whatever they asked us to do.  We felt needed, respected, and a part of a team.  And this work was a HUGE part of our education.  Today, as grown adults, we all are great cooks and bakers, we complete our own house projects, we build whatever we need, we know how to use tools, we sew, we know how to care for farm animals/pets, we know how to grow and manage a garden, and we preserve our own vegetables.  As adults, we’ve all held great jobs. Basically, we really did learn how to work and how to enjoy working.  Work is a gift as it gives us a purpose and the ability to care for ourselves and others.  Lastly, all of us children now being adults agree that those days of working together are some of our most treasured and funniest memories.  We laughed continuously, and we all miss those days.

FAMILY RESPECT

Respect just naturally evolves when a family works together, as it’s not only “child centered”, but family centered.  It nurtures the attitude of “we are all in this together!”  Our parents used firm and consistent discipline.  First and foremost, we respected our parents.  Again, I feel that this came naturally as while working together, we were able to spend time with them and learn from them.  Don’t get me wrong – we were kids, and we were naughty, at times, and we did receive discipline and corrections when necessary. We knew the rules and the rules never wavered. Honestly, today, we are grateful for that discipline.  They taught us right from wrong; it was pretty black and white – no grey areas.

FAMILY PLAY

Playing as a family is incredible.  Every night, after supper, we’d all go out and play some sort of ball game (we really only had balls back then). In the colder months, we’d play board games. Sometimes Mom or Dad would join in, but it was mostly us children. Mom and Dad taught us at a young age to play chess, checkers, cards, and many other board games.  We were dirty from the day, we wore our same old clothes, and we’d play until it was dusk. By dusk, we were exhausted.  Bedtime was never an issue, as we were well ready to sleep; and most often fell asleep before hitting the bed.  Sundays, also, were our only family outing or “play day.”  It was the one day we’d get together with cousins, friends, etc., and actually wear an outfit without holes in it (but I’m sure it had a few stains as it was still a hand-me-down). If we didn’t go out on Sunday, we’d stay home, ride bikes or play games together as a family.

If I have any advice for young moms, it would be to slow down, keep it simple, live picture IMPERFECT, involve your children in your work and let them help you, let your children get dirty, anything your child breaks is replaceable and you won’t remember it a month from now, teach them to pick up after themselves, empower them to be hardworking adults, you don’t need to drive anywhere to have a great day, stay home more, your children have ‘best friends’ in their siblings, be fearless and confident in your discipline – God gave them YOU to teach them right from wrong, embrace the ordinary and the monotony because it is fleeting.  God bless you above and beyond for being a parent!!!