The Cliff, Chapter 4 Excerpt

What a gorgeous day, thought Nancy, enjoying the cool air that carried just the faintest scent of wildflowers and new growth. The combination of sunshine, spring growth, and achingly perfect weather had transformed Nancy, filled her with rare strength in her legs and feet, and deepened her desire to stay outside as long as possible.

Now she had a dilemma. It was probably unwise to be so far away from her glucose meter and phone, but thanks to the beautiful day and the presence of the Spirit of Jesus, she felt amazingly strong. The sensible Nancy—the one who carefully managed her diabetes and heart condition—would have turned back already. But today, something different was pulling at her.

Nancy considered the woods and the path to the edge of the cliff. It was hardly a trail, but in April there was still lots of room to navigate. By midsummer there would be no walking through this area as the undergrowth of shrubs, weeds, and saplings would make it impossible. This was her only chance for a while, really. And besides, Nancy had already gone through the trouble of making her way through the fence. Now on the other side, she had straightened up and surveyed the wilderness ahead of her. The well-tended fields behind her gave way to the wild tangle of undergrowth and trees. Nancy felt a surprising thrill at this small adventure.

Taking each step carefully, she eased her way a hundred feet or so, looking around for animals or any other interesting parts of God’s creation to appreciate. Overhead, birds called to each other, their melodies creating a natural symphony that surrounded her. A chipmunk darted across her path, pausing momentarily to assess her before disappearing into the underbrush.

She noticed with curiosity that the farmer who owned the woods still left neat little piles of logs all around. Though he’d been doing it for years, she’d never thought to ask why he made the piles. Nancy figured he meant to come back and get them, but just never did. The neatly stacked, two-foot triangular piles were the only signs of civilization. Nancy could suddenly imagine a Native American tribe roaming these woods 200 years ago. She knew the Sauk and the Kickapoo tribes were among the many who called the area home.

Nancy delighted in realizing her mind could get occupied on things more interesting and pleasant than pandemics, conflicts, and church controversy . Then she frowned as it all came back. She pushed those thoughts away. No, I’m here to spend time with Jesus. Don’t go there right now.

Her feet, usually painful after even short walks, continued to feel remarkably good today. It was as if her neuropathy had taken a holiday. Nancy said a silent prayer of gratitude for this unexpected gift, this day of respite from the chronic pain that had become her constant companion.

Nancy came to a fallen tree. Although not big, it still presented a challenge. She would need to either find a spot to crawl underneath, or climb over it. Going around would mean fighting the interlocking maze of brambles that had taken ownership of this section of the woods. Oh boy, she thought. If she tried climbing over and fell, or turned an ankle, how would she get back? She thought briefly of turning back around, but decided to go over because the gentle rushing of the creek sounded louder now, and everything in her wanted to see it.

Nancy stepped up to the log and decided that if she could get her leg up on it, she could get over. With a little effort, Nancy rested her calf on the log, three and half feet off the ground. “Now what are you going to do?” she asked herself and then let out a genuine laugh before looking around. In the stillness of the woods, her laughter seemed to echo briefly before being absorbed by the surrounding trees. The bark felt rough against her leg, and she could smell the earthy scent of decaying wood.

“Well, here we go. Lord help!” Nancy grabbed on to the log and pulled herself up with all her might. For a moment, she sat perched at the top knowing this little adventure was risky. It also dawned on her that she’d have to do this in reverse on the way home. Still, Nancy blocked the practical protests out of her mind because she wanted what she wanted right now and felt strong enough to go for it.

The ground was just one foot, not even that, maybe half a foot below, but it seemed like a mile. The very last thing Nancy needed was to fall down and hurt herself. She lowered herself slowly. When she trusted that her leg would hold her, she dropped the final inches.

No problem. Nancy smiled, feeling stronger and more determined than ever to cover the last fifteen feet to the spot she’d been aiming for–a V shaped tree that grew slightly off the cliff. She’d need to take care crawling down into the little cranny that it offered in the pocket of the tree, but she knew if she could get there, the view would be spectacular. Again, Nancy took the risk, and felt supremely satisfied when she was safely nestled in, Bible in hand. No doubt she was right on time for a date with God, Paul, the Philippian church, and the Holy Spirit—the Comforter who had not only called her to this place in the moment, but who had clearly given her uncommon strength to get here.

She settled against the V of the tree, feeling the solid wood supporting her back. The Bible in her hands was a familiar comfort, its well-worn leather cover soft against her fingers. Nancy took a moment to simply breathe and be present in this beautiful spot.

The creek had not risen very high, but it was high enough to babble. Nancy sat tucked in the tree which seemed to stand a hundred feet in the air and took in the beauty in both directions for quite a distance. The valley spread out before her, a patchwork of greens and browns—early spring colors still muted but promising vibrance in the weeks to come. The sky above was a perfect blue, with a few wispy clouds that seemed motionless in the still air.

She saw she had company. Birds flying here and there. Squirrels, chipmunks, and rabbits scampering around. If she sat still long enough, she hoped she would see a deer. The weather, the view, the sounds and smells of nature made Nancy’s heart rejoice. Would heaven feel like this? Thank you, Jesus for this time.

Every inhalation felt like a fresh and gentle rushing in of the Holy Spirit. Every breath out felt like the further purging of all that had troubled her earlier in the day. Nancy opened her Bible, praying, “Lord, you’ll have to help me when it’s time to leave.” She chuckled again thinking of John and how surprised he would be when he heard where she’d gone. When he came home, she’d tell him and they’d both laugh about her adventure, though he would probably lovingly and gently scold her. She wouldn’t tell him she didn’t bring her phone.

Nancy turned to the book of Philippians. While flipping pages, she wondered as she often did about “compulsions.” What made her want to turn to this passage? Was there a nagging thought way back in her mind that reminded her of something? More likely, she thought, the Holy Spirit was impressing Himself on her mind. She certainly felt she was “abiding in Him” at this moment. She was ready to hear from God. She started at the beginning of Philippians in Chapter 1.

Paul and Timothy, servants of Christ Jesus, To all the saints in Christ Jesus who are at Philippi, with the overseers and deacons: Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. (Philippians 1:1-2 ESV)

Many a good pastor had advised Nancy that God spoke through every verse. Nancy had a section in mind she was eager to get to, but she had all the time in the world, so why rush past this opening greeting? “Grace and peace” was exactly what she longed for this morning.

She traced the words with her finger, feeling their imprint on the thin Bible paper. The creek’s gentle sound provided a peaceful backdrop to her reading, almost like quiet music accompanying the ancient words.

I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. (3-6)

Jeanie’s warnings that masks may be related to the mark of the beast came to her mind. The day of the Lord may be coming soon, but really, connecting the mark with masks? Nancy shook her head and refocused to her place of peace. The intrusive thought faded as she returned to the text.

It is right for me to feel this way about you all, because I hold you in my heart, for you are all partakers with me of grace, both in My imprisonment and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel. For God is my witness, how I yearn for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus. And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God. (7-11)

Nancy was beginning to tear up at the words of Paul, the pastor. His pastoral words brought to mind her own faithful pastor, who would likely not survive the COVID controversies with his position intact. But what did Paul say next?

I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel, so that it has become known throughout the whole imperial guard and to all the rest that my imprisonment is for Christ. And most of the brothers, having become confident in the Lord by my imprisonment, are much more bold to speak the word without fear. (12-14)

Would the trials faced by their pastor and Bunker Hill Church serve “to advance the gospel” in some way? When has Jesus’ Church not been in some sort of conflict? If Paul wrote about it from the earliest days of the Church why would they expect to have it figured out now? Nancy saw that Paul was philosophical about those who opposed him.

Some indeed preach Christ from envy and rivalry, but others from good will. The latter do it out of love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. The former proclaim Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely but thinking to afflict me in my imprisonment. What then? Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed, and in that I rejoice. (15-18a)

Paul had found a way to rejoice in at least one aspect of his misfortune. Nancy could not yet think of a way this current conflict would turn out for good, but she firmly believed that “all things” do eventually, even if she couldn’t yet see how.

A warm sunbeam found its way through the branches above, illuminating the pages of her Bible. The light made the words seem to glow, as if highlighted specifically for her. Nancy took a deep breath in and prepared to read carefully one of the verses she came to this precarious perch to read.

Yes, and I will rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ this will turn out for my deliverance, as it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. (18b-21)

Nancy would have underlined that last part for the third time if she’d had a pen with her. “To live is Christ, and to die is gain.” She lingered over the phrase…again. By the leading of the Spirit Nancy hung out on this phrase. “To live is Christ.” Yes, but what a strange statement. She decided Paul meant that if he lived, it would be in Christ. Didn’t he say somewhere else that the life he now lived was “hidden in Christ?” She’d have to Google it later to remember where that verse was.

But that next part, “To die is gain.” Yes, she mentally reaffirmed this was true. There was a time she’d have struggled with what this meant, but God had taught her long ago to not only be prepared for heaven, but to desire it. She’d learned to both love her life on earth, and yet love her future heavenly home more. Little did she know this tension would soon be put to the test.

Nancy thought about her life. How many times had she seriously contemplated her own mortality? Enough times to be a pro at it. She hoped she wouldn’t have to come face to face with death again anytime soon. Today, such dark realities seemed a distant memory. Diabetes, heart attack, cancer–and here she was on a cliff side, as ready to die as she’d ever been, and yet, life felt too wonderful to die anytime soon. With Paul, she could say to live is Christ and to die is gain, but how she loved her husband, their boys, their wives, their grandchildren, and if she got to see them grow up, well that would be great.

Nancy had been so distraught as she’d started walking that morning. Now, though, she laughed at herself. With her Lord, nothing was too hard. He had this COVID thing under control. “O Jesus, why do I worry? I’m sorry.” Nancy knew the Lord held her in His arms and whispered, “It’s okay. I’m glad you came to be with me.” She smiled as she let her eyes close and she fell asleep. For a few moments Nancy slept peacefully on the cliff side, slumping further and further forward. The warm sun and gentle breeze cradling her as though they were arms of Jesus.

It didn’t take long for gravity to gently tug Nancy downward, until her body teetered just beyond the center of balance and she toppled over the edge. During the 70-foot fall down to the creek, one of Nancy’s blue Crocs flew off, the pages of her Bible fluttered as it tumbled down the steep terrain, and her shirt snagged and ripped on a protruding branch. Her denim bag disappeared somewhere along the cliffside as did her glasses. Arms and legs flailing, Nancy bounced, and groaned as new shrub growth poked at her back and stomach. The mud she rolled through collected leaves and twigs which stuck to her arms and legs and even face. If she’d ever wanted to be camouflaged, it was happening. With a thwap, Nancy crashed and finally stopped in a small clump of underbrush close to the water’s edge. Everything was once again silent except the babbling creek beside her and the whistle of the train in the distance. However, Nancy sensed none of this, having experienced a low-blood-sugar episode before the fall.