Shifting from Doing to Being

One of the biggest traps of modern society is this idea that we always have to do. Take the holidays. Not only are all of our biggest holidays surrounded by tons of doing, but once they’re over, we’re looking for the next thing to do. We may feel empty and restless without a task at hand.

The opportunity is to learn how to be. I believe we’re built to be first and foremost, do comes second.

It’s the state you enter when you allow the body to run the show. Instead of being driven by the calendar, the to-do list or a “let’s make the most out of today” attitude, you allow yourself to what feels right in the moment. Listening to the body and following its desires. Going slowly. Staying in bed. Shutting off the brain for a bit.

Spontaneously letting the day unfold as it wants to.

This can be incredibly scary. Facing the void. Being unproductive. We may feel restlessness, create more screen time than we want to, and try to creep back into productivity.

But once we allow ourselves to stay there, gradually being starts to feel really good. We treat ourselves and those around us better, and we make wiser decisions. They may not be as fast but if we don’t downshift to this state of existence, burnout and hollowness is all but ensured.

Not to mention that the incessant doing doesn’t always take us somewhere meaningful. We do, do, do, but have no idea how to stop, or what to do when we get there.

What works for me is this: I tell myself that I’m off, truly off, and send that as a clear signal to myself. I make sure to properly mark the calendar, turn off the phone, stop wearing work clothes etc. This helps the body to enter the being state more easily.

I think we’ve all had those vacations or times when we allow ourselves to be truly off… so we all know how to do it. It’s about truly giving permission to ourselves to do it, on a deeper level.

It’s about shifting the focus from the head to the body. Instead of “What do I have to do next?”, you move to “What feels right at this moment?”

Make sure to wait long enough to actually feel the answer. And if there’s no answer, then doing nothing might be just right. Just don’t get distracted by doing.

Allow this to take some time. Like I wrote in Why meditation is hard, and how to fix it, it’s about going slower and slower, one step at a time.

Entering a prolonged state of being does wonders for our well-being on all levels. So we can tell our productivity-focused mind that we’ll come back much stronger if we don’t rush through it.

So when we’re “being”, are we not allowed to do anything?

Yes, you might still be doing. Making lunch. Going for walks. Exercising. Playing board games. Cleaning. The key is not what you do but from which state you do it.

Are you stopping when the body’s had enough or wants to switch task? Or are you working until dark because that’s what you’re supposed to do? The former is being, the latter is doing.

Doing → Being
Calendar → Spontaneous
Thoughts → Feelings
Rushing → Going slowly
Brain → Body
Productivity → Flow
Stopping when done → Stopping when it feels right
Future → Now
etc

Think about it this way: whenever you’re optimizing for things and trying to change the situations in your life, you’re focused on the outside. You’re focused on doing. When instead you seek to optimize your inner state, you’re focused on the inside, which is closer to being. You do what feels right. What the body wants to do in the moment.

Stay in that state and trust that your deeper self will guide you right. You don’t always have to lead from the brain. (The brain is a tool, not the boss!)

Most of the year we may be in a state of doing. Holidays, in particular, is the one time I really recommend to switch out of it.

Many of my most joyful days and memories are those when I’m spontaneous, driven by a state of being. For even the most well-planned activities can be hollow when they’re rushed.

So for the rest of these days this holiday, or whenever you’re reading this, give yourself a challenge: be first, do second. And see where that takes you.

Blessings,
Jon