Beyond friendships, alliances 🕹️

It’s time we evolve the concept of friendship and add another evolutionary stage. Let’s call it an alliance. It’s equivalent to the stage of “marriage” for lovers. It’s where we commit to one another, unconditionally.

Yes, you can do it with friends. Here’s what it looks like:

An ally is someone who has verbally committed to being a supporter of me & my life, and where I’ve done the same for them. It’s someone who has my back when I deserve it, and when I don’t. When I understand things, and when I don’t. When I want advice… and when I don’t!

In other words, someone who will put up with me regardless of circumstances.

It’s a rare thing but it’s beautiful when it happens.

I have a group of friends where we’ve committed like this to one another. It starts to feel like family for sure, in particular it feels like they’re people that I would support not just mentally and emotionally, but easily financially as well if that was needed.

A relationship where nothing is too embarrassing to share, or hear.

So this is something I’ve learned to look for at work, whether with partners, customers, colleagues, investors, etc. I’ve trained myself to assume that the other person could be an ally, and importantly, start treating them that way from my end.

It’s about what we say when they’re not in the room. How we protect their interests and priorities without them having to fight for them.

My friends and I have an emoji for it: 🕹️. It means: I’d trust you with running my life, if for whatever reason I couldn’t. And I know you’d play to win!

Again, the way to create it is to start acting this way with others. Checking in on them, almost like they’re a group of chicks and you’re the hen. And most importantly, when there’s an ask or deep need, to really be there.

I will enter an alliance with you. I will be there for you, protect your interests and help you, when you feel like you deserve it and not, now and in the future. Amen.

There was a person I used to butt heads with. For no good reason — they just represented a different view point from me, in a startup we were building long ago (they were bizdev, I was eng). The relationship started to spiral but the turning point for me was when I decided to run a quick meditation where I would reach out energetically, from my heart to theirs, and started building a bridge. Deciding they were on my team, on my side, and I on theirs.

Over time the relationship grew into a powerful one and they ended up playing an invaluable role as an advisor to a company I started years later, and helping us close a major financing round!

And all it took was a simple switch in me. To go from protagonists to allies.

So it starts with me.

When done consistently over time, with multiple people, you find that you build alliances in all kinds of places, and strengthen your relationship capital. You default to showing up for them and not shying away from the hard stuff. You learn to commit to others as a person first, and the social role / transaction second.

It pays off tremendously and been a constant source of growth and happiness in my life — and theirs.

Hope this helps!

Blessings,

Jon 🕹️