You may not feel stuck because you are lazy or unwilling to change.
You may feel stuck because you built your life around an identity that no longer fits, or perhaps never truly belonged to you.
That idea sits at the heart of my conversation with Ryan T. Reichert, a retired U.S. Army lieutenant colonel, author, speaker, coach, and servant leader.
Ryan spent 23 years in the military, served through multiple combat deployments, and later transitioned into the Fortune 500 world. His life held many of the markers people are taught to pursue: leadership, status, career success, income, family, and responsibility.
Then much of that identity fell away.
Addiction, recovery, divorce, estrangement, career loss, depression, and spiritual questioning forced Ryan to discover who he was without the titles and structures that had defined him.
His rebuilding began with small, repeatable choices.
Roles can give life structure and meaning.
Leader.
Spouse.
Parent.
Executive.
Soldier.
Coach.
Provider.
The problem begins when those roles become the only way you know who you are.
The military gave Ryan discipline, physical standards, routine, and a clear mission. After retirement, that external structure was no longer holding everything in place. Within 18 months, he gained approximately 50 pounds and felt his life beginning to unravel.
Without the title, uniform, and expectations, he had to meet the person underneath them.
Sobriety gave Ryan the ability to remain present while major parts of his life were ending.
He moved through separation, divorce, estrangement from his children, career loss, and the end of a 25-year relationship without returning to alcohol.
The pain did not disappear, but he stopped abandoning himself to escape it.
He began recognizing the fear, anxiety, people-pleasing, and lack of boundaries that had shaped many of his choices. Healing meant facing the truth of what he feared, what he valued, and who he wanted to become.
Ryan described life as having three gears.
Forward is the future.
Reverse is the past.
Neutral is today.
Many people spend their lives worrying about what comes next or replaying what has already happened. Yet today is the only place where action is possible.
Today is where you take the walk.
Today is where you tell the truth.
Today is where you set the boundary.
Today is where you remain sober.
Today is where you complete one action that proves you have not abandoned yourself.
Ryan’s rebuilding process became a practical method he calls the three daily wins:
One physical win
One mental win
One spiritual win
These wins do not need to be dramatic.
His first physical win was walking his dog around the apartment building during a season of depression. That small walk eventually became a consistent routine.
His mental win grew through reading, writing, and taking notes.
His spiritual win developed through church, Bible study, meditation, and intentional time with his faith.
Today, his routine may include the gym, reading his Bible, and meditation.
The details changed as he grew stronger, but the structure remained the same.
The power is not in intensity.
It is in consistency.
Large goals can feel overwhelming when your identity already feels unstable.
Write the book.
Build the business.
Repair the relationship.
Find your purpose.
Transform your life.
A small win sends a different message:
You can move forward.
You can keep a promise to yourself.
You can complete what you begin.
One walk can become a routine.
One page can become a chapter.
One honest conversation can become a boundary.
One sober day can become a new life.
Each completed action becomes evidence that a different identity is being built.
Ryan also teaches the FOCUS Framework:
Faith became Ryan’s foundation after finances, family, fitness, career, and external success proved they could change or disappear.
Lasting identity needs a foundation deeper than income, achievement, approval, or control.
Opportunities often become visible when life becomes quieter and more intentional.
Some become blessings. Others become lessons. Both can move you toward purpose.
Transformation is rarely created by one emotional breakthrough.
It is built through repetition.
Consistency turns an intention into a standard.
Ryan believes kindness is central to leadership.
Smile. Say please. Say thank you. Apologize. Repeat.
Kindness builds trust in families, teams, businesses, and communities.
A personal standard is a short list of non-negotiable practices that support the person you are becoming.
Ryan recommends keeping it focused. Three to five meaningful commitments may be enough.
Your standard should support your life, not become another form of pressure.
Ryan once believed he had been abandoned.
Through healing, he recognized that he had also been abandoning himself by running from fear, ignoring his needs, avoiding boundaries, and building his identity around approval and performance.
That realization was not about blaming himself for the past.
It was about reclaiming agency.
The past may explain how a pattern began, but it does not have to control how the pattern continues.
Rebuilding begins when you stop leaving yourself every time life becomes uncomfortable.
Change can feel like failure when the new path looks smaller than the old one.
Downsizing may feel like going backward.
Changing careers may feel like losing progress.
Rest may feel unproductive.
Starting over may feel like erasing years of work.
Ryan offers another way to see it.
You may not be moving backward.
You may be taking a detour.
A detour does not deny your destination. It changes the route.
The interruption may be giving you space to heal, listen, simplify, and choose differently.
Ryan describes his work through the phrase “built to break.”
The struggles that appear to be breaking us may also be building the strength required for our purpose.
His military career prepared him to coach, advise, train, and lead.
His recovery became part of his message.
His losses deepened his compassion.
His writing became part of his healing.
His faith became the foundation for his next chapter.
Purpose did not erase what happened.
It gave him a way to use what happened in service of others.
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You do not need to rebuild your entire life this morning.
Choose one physical win.
Choose one mental win.
Choose one spiritual win.
Make them small enough to complete and meaningful enough to matter.
Then repeat them tomorrow.
Your new identity will not be built through a title, a perfect plan, or one dramatic moment.
It will be built through choices that remind you:
I am present.
I am participating in my life.
I am no longer abandoning myself.
I am becoming someone I can trust.
Learn more about Ryan’s coaching, courses, books, podcast, and 5-Minute Morning Reset:
https://ourprotectordevelopment.com
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With love & clarity,
Jill Hart💜The Coach’s Alchemist
Amplify Your Voice • Monetize Your Mission • Get Visible
Hi, I’m Jill Hart, The Coach’s Alchemist. I help spiritual entrepreneurs and coaches amplify their voice, attract aligned clients, and monetize their mission through Substack and podcasting.
If you’ve been creating content but not seeing it turn into conversations, clients, or consistent income, Client Acquisition For Coaches is for you.
It’s where we simplify visibility, build authority, and create a clear path from your content to your offers without chasing algorithms or trying to be everywhere.
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