Homesickness in College: It's in the Water

Most college students will get homesick. College websites and their social media accounts don't highlight sad students crying in their dorm rooms. They don’t advertise this part during the college tour.

Feeling homesick in college is as common as wearing socks a second or third time before finally doing laundry. It doesn’t matter if you’re attending school across the country or down the street, homesickness can hit when you least expect it. And it can hit hard.

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According to a study published in the APA journal Emotion, during the first 10 weeks of college, 94% of students reported experiencing homesickness at some point. It's everywhere. Whether you're a student going through it or a parent trying to help, know that this is 100% normal.

It hits in waves – some days you feel great, other days will feel like you want to be anyplace but where you are. The feelings can change hour to hour. Instead of fighting it, accept it. Ride it out, like a wave in the ocean. Let it flow through you. Feel it. Let it pass. In between waves, try out some of the strategies I've listed below. It's hard. It's real. But it will get better.

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When a wave hits, use one or two of these strategies. Mix it up each day. Try something new and see what works for you.

• Take a walk. Get outside and smile at people. Say "hi" to anyone who looks familiar. See someone moving boxes or looking lost? Ask if they need help. I know it feels weird, but connection starts with tiny moments like these. And take off your headphones.

• Sweat. Hit the gym, go for a run, find a class at the rec center – anything that gets your heart pumping. Your campus has tons of options you haven't even discovered yet. Exercise is basically medicine for your brain.

• Write it out. Journal about whatever's bouncing around in your head. But here's the key part: also write down three things you're going to do in the next few days. Make plans. Stay busy. Give yourself something to look forward to.

• Find the kindest people. Every campus has them: caring RAs, student leaders, other students who are friendly. Don't hide.

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• Talk to someone in the counseling center. You probably have access to free counseling. It can help to talk to someone who has helped countless other students work through this. My therapist is one of my people.

• Talk to other students. You'll be surprised at how many people are going through the exact same thing. They'll feel totally connected to your experience because they're living it too.

• Do something that you know makes you happy. Read a book in a hammock. Play music on an instrument you love. Draw. Run. Whatever you love that doesn't depend on other people. This is your chance to practice being with yourself.

• Stop saying "everyone." Everyone is NOT having a better time than you. Everyone does NOT have their friend group figured out. Everyone is NOT living their best life. Stop comparing your life to everyone else's. Besides, most of what you see isn’t even true.

• Put a list together of activities and orgs where you will get involved. Make sure a couple of these orgs are 100% open access — meaning you don't have to audition or be invited to join. Put together a plan.

• Do not go home. That's just going to make it harder to leave. You want to stay on campus. This includes going to see your long-distance partner. Have a date in mind when you will go home and focus on being present at school.

• Do one thing. Focus on one thing you can do each day to help yourself to get more comfortable and feel more connected to your new surroundings.

  

If scrolling through apps makes you feel like you’re the only person struggling while everyone else is living it up, those apps have got to go. At least temporarily. This sounds dramatic, but it can offer immediate relief. Delete your social media for a week and see how it feels.

UVA Students Share Homesickness Stories > Tap to Watch

It can take time to find your people and places. It doesn’t usually happen in three days or even three weeks. It can take a year or longer. Use this time to experiment with being with you. Try new ways to connect. Forget waiting for people to invite you or include you. What do you want? Where can you put yourself? What adventures do you want to have? Turn this into a gift.

Be kind to yourself. Being alone doesn’t need to be lonely. You’re figuring out who you are in a new place surrounded by new people. That’s a huge change. You’re learning how to be independent. You’re feeling what you’re supposed to feel. Get comfortable with the uncomfortable. Don’t fight these feelings. Acknowledge them. Share them. Use them to learn and grow.

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Homesickness comes in waves. It hits hard. It can be unexpected. When you allow it to pass through you, things get better faster. You don’t have to love every minute in college or pretend you’re having the time of your life. Just show up and trust that over time, the waves will settle and the sun will shine.

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