If you spend more than 10 minutes per day scrolling (and most of us do), you might find yourself feeling a lack: a lack, perhaps, of products to make your skin look like glass; a lack of the kind of money that affords you Aperol spritzes on balconies on five-star hotel stays abroad every few months; a lack of time to spend ‘glowing up’ for five hours every single Sunday (to stay ‘low maintenance’); a lack of the kind of life that starts with a Pilates class and a matcha in a cute trending matching set, instead of a long commute in the rain to a job you hate.
Of course, this ‘lack’ is exactly what these feeds want you to feel. Why? Well, they want you to buy, and also, to keep scrolling.
Enter: the comparison doom spiral.
We’ve all done it, we’ve all scrolled so far down into this dark pit that everything in the real world feels wrong, somehow. But I’m here to remind you that almost everything you see online is designed to sell something to you, and – most importantly – that almost none of it is normal.
Last week, I saw @ordinaryemm_ post about this on Instagram, calling it ‘normal-maxxing’, and it inspired me to write my own list. So, here it is.
Most people are not getting up at 5am and completing 10k steps, going to the sauna, and washing their hair all before 9am. (Because it’s exhausting, and lowkey impossible, if you have a normal job).
Most people’s fridges don’t look like a Whole Foods ad. They’re messy and disorganised and may well have something mouldy lurking in the back somewhere. (I have definitely been guilty of this, oops).
Most people do not have multiple designer bags, to match with different outfits. If they do have anything designer, it’s one carefully chosen product, which they’ve saved up for and adore.
Most people do not spend months on end ‘glowing up’ for their wedding, doing everything under the sun (and spending hundreds of pounds in-so-doing) to become the most beautiful version of themselves for the best day of their lives.
Most people do not use ‘viral’ beauty products. They have one cleanser, and one moisturiser, and when these run out, they re-buy the same ones.
Most people do not have homes which look effortlessly chic in photos. They do not have ‘coffee stations’ with perfectly imperfect mugs hung from antique shelves. They do not have moon lamps and plush, soft rugs and Diptyque candles and tiny fridges dedicated to skincare. Instead, they have overflowing laundry baskets and piles of things which they haven’t decided where to put yet and a functional, if not beautiful, bathroom (because the last tenants put up some really weird tiles and they haven’t had the time or energy to replace them).
Most people do not spend hundreds of pounds every few weeks on tweakments and microneedling and highlights and manicures and pedicures and spray tans and brow laminations and lash lifts. Most people might do one of these, occasionally, or several before a big event as a treat. But they’re not an everyday occurrence.
Most people do not do clothing ‘hauls’, unless they need something specific, and if so, they often send things back.
Most people would never buy a Louis Vuitton bag on a whim.
Most people do not have a collection of several expensive perfumes.
Most people rotate the same oversized t-shirts to work out in for years, instead of buying new athleisure. (Personally, I’ve worn the same ones for the last five years).
Most people aren’t spending hours queueing for a dot cake on a Tuesday morning.
Most people aren’t upgrading to the latest iPhone just because it’s been released; they’re waiting until their contract runs out.
Most people don’t have more than one Stanley cup, or water bottle. In fact, they probably just drink glasses of water, whilst in their home, instead of lugging several litres from room to room.
Most people aren’t – and probably shouldn’t be – chugging liquid IV every day (unless otherwise instructed by a doctor).
Speaking of which, most people don’t hire IV drips to their homes when they’re hungover.
Most people don’t plan their ‘airport outfits’; they just wear their comfiest clothes.
And finally: most people do not want to order deconstructed lattes on Deliveroo. They aren’t ordering Ubers everywhere they go. They’re walking, or taking buses, and making coffees at home (which are, by their very nature, deconstructed).
It can feel incredibly disconcerting, when you’re living in this world in which fuel prices are becoming unaffordable, to scroll through a feed of luxury hotels and designer shoes and million-dollar weddings (is Taylor Swift renting out MSG, as rumoured, or will her wedding be on Rhode Island? Either way, it’s predicted to cost approximately $20 million). To look up and out from your phone and remind yourself of those energy bills, which are just going up and up, whilst also irrationally feeling as though maybe if you did get that viral face mask that Hailey Bieber wore that one time whilst eating sushi, all your problems would go away.
The thing is, amidst the glittering allure of the scroll, it’s so easy to compare so much that we take our own miraculous lives for granted.
That we forget what contentment – and luxury – actually feels like.
Having at least one person in this world who you love deeply, and who loves you deeply too
Morning coffee, just the way you like it
Being able to speak to your parents
Fresh spaghetti with lemon and parmesan
A really good book
A safe place to live
A body that feels healthy
Having the humility and self-respect to apologise when needed
The freedom to choose how you spend your life
Clean sheets
Laughing every day
Access to a wealth of knowledge via the internet, or a library
Being in good health (both physically and mentally)
Sushi and reality TV after a long day
Having a favourite artist who is still alive and creating their art, so you get to watch their career unfold in real time
Things that don’t photograph well but feel wonderful (because there’s a difference between living a good life and living a photogenic one)
It’s so easy to get swept into the riptide of whatever’s trending, to get caught in the feverish excitement of it all. But every now and again, it really does help to step backwards. To look inwards. To notice the things you do on a daily basis, in this real, complex, un-shiny world, and remind yourself of the many beauties in your everyday life. The watercolour blur of the tube stop coming into focus; the selfie your best friend sends you of them watching love island on the sofa; the calendar tacked to your kitchen wall full of things to look forward to: weddings and barbeques and brunch with the girls next month. The many unphotogenic things that make your particular life spectacular.
After last week’s piece – 22 things to do instead of doomscrolling – lots of you in the group chat want to match up with each other (to say I’m obsessed with this is an understatement). If you’d like to take part, I’m putting a Google Form in the group chat, where you can sign up. (The group chat is part of the paid subscriber benefits, so it’s only open to that group – if you’d like a pen pal, this might be a good reason to subscribe!).
For my lovely paid subs who are taking part in the Bookclub as part of 85 Whimsical this summer, I made a mistake in the June zine! Here is the corrected timeline:
JUNE: June, Baby – Shannon Garvey. Book club: Sunday 5th July
JULY: My Year In Paris With Gurtruide Stein. Book club: Sunday 26th July
AUGUST: AGNES LIVES! Hallie Elizabeth Newton. Book club: Sunday 30th August
So sorry for the confusion!
No posts
Comments
Nothing yet. Say the first thing.
Sign in to join the conversation.