welcome friend
i hope i learn some humility before i die. my parents gave more to me than ill ever be able to appreciate. the best possible life for me and my sister that i mostly squandered. so afraid to be uncomfortable i self pity is ugly. if only you could be charged for being ugly. seems i choose to live. the way i was living before was a sick joke. selfish enough to get through another day myself and…
I built (assembled a pre-built) wooden clock a few years ago that I tracked the past year with (using manually updating knobs for the day, weekday and month). Two quotes printed on the clock feel relevant to me right now: Another year, another season. Change is only time, unchanged is waiting. and Time cannot add to a person's life, but cherishing time can make life more valuable. Both quotes ring…
For this week's midweek-"Sunday"-review I'll try a slightly different format. If I continue posting these (which I plan to definitely do very consistently from this week forward, definitely, pinky promise) then focusing a bit more on what impacted me, what helped me, what made me feel human seems like a better approach than what I've mostly been doing here (whining/bitching and setting the same…
If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. — D If you plan and fail to do and then fail to learn and plan better, that's somehow worse. My only goal following last "Sunday review" last Wedensday was to "appreciate and give thanks for all I have while I still can." I have failed at that goal every moment of the past week. I fixate on the problems I've worked exceptionally hard to create for myself, to…
I am running into a problem I've encountered many times now: not sharing when I feel "not great." Bottling up negative emotions and thoughts, sleeping more and generally doing the bare minimum (if even that). There's two(ish) things that come to mind on this topic: what factors have led me here and what's worked in the past when I've felt this way? . Tbh I'm blinded by how much privilege I have,…
I think there's a problem if my weekly reviews look nearly identical every week. Generally following a format of how I didn't do/share/wake up early often enough last week and how I'll "start doing better" this week. It amounts to brushing my actual attempts to better myself last week under the rug and pretending going into the week with no real plan will magically start working soon. Even this…
If I want to start moving forward toward an honest life where I lie as little as possible, practicing publishing honest takes from my "weekly Sunday reviews" (this one is at least occurring on Wedensday, an improvement from last week's Thursday) is a good start. I have been sharing less — both online and especially in person — mostly as a function of how much I get stuck on (often awful) thoughts.…
If I keep writing reviews and goals more than halfway into the week, it isn't a surprise how little I get done each week. If I keep praying for more and not appreciating the infinite plenty I already have, it isn't a surprise I will never be happy no matter how much I have. If I keep hoping for more opportunities to share what actually helps me, even with those closest to me, and I continue to…
Below is a collection of quotes that live rent-free in my mind and heart. I hope they inspire you as they have me. Life is a pure flame, and we live by an invisible Sun within us. — Sir Thomas Browne Meditation is a process of lightening up, of trusting the basic goodness of what we have and who we are, and of realizing that any wisdom that exists, exists in what we already have. — Pema Chödrön We…
Below are some aspirations that I currently pursue in my day to day life and some commentary about what each one means to me. Be willing to curiously look into everything in my life, whether pleasant or unpleasant; it all has a lot to teach me A book that has been a guiding star for me for a few months now is The Wisdom of No Escape by Pema Chodron. This aspiration is taken pretty much verbatim…