Why the people best at closeness so often end up starving for it
Where Diplomats land in our loneliness survey (brace yourself a little)
What you’re really missing when you’re surrounded by people who adore you
A first move you could make today to feel less alone
In our “Loneliness” survey, nearly 2 in 3 Diplomats said loneliness has permanently changed who they are – more than any other personality Role.
That’s a striking thing to say about a feeling.
Today, we’re looking into just why loneliness runs so deep for Diplomat personality types, and what you can do right now if you want to feel less alone.
Diplomats share the Intuitive and Feeling personality traits. They tend to be empathetic, imaginative, idealistic, and highly aware of what the people around them are feeling.
As a Diplomat, you may be the person others naturally open up to. You ask thoughtful follow-up questions, remember small details, and notice when someone says they’re fine but clearly isn’t. People sense that you genuinely care, so they trust you with the things they’re struggling to carry alone.
But these relationships can become one-sided without anyone intending them to. Over time, you get used to listening and they get used to being listened to. Your feelings may come up less often, partly because people assume you’ll share when you need to. Eventually, though, you may find yourself wondering: Who can I talk to like this?
Psst…Wondering where to meet new people? Our article “Intentional Dating for Diplomat Personalities” offers even more practical ideas for making new connections. Although it focuses on dating, the suggestions can also help you meet potential friends.
According to our “Loneliness” survey of more than 29,000 respondents, 67% of Diplomats, on average, say they feel lonely often or very often – the highest percentage of all four Roles. Only 47% say they feel in control of their loneliness, the lowest of any Role. And 63% often struggle to make time to do something about it, again the highest percentage of the four.
That combination is striking. Diplomats are often highly skilled at building emotional closeness, yet they report feeling the loneliest and the least able to change it. One reason may be that they regularly give others the kind of care and understanding they are not receiving in return.
For many Diplomats, the problem is not a lack of people to understand. It is a lack of feeling equally understood. You may have people who trust you, need you, and turn to you when things are hard. But being needed is not the same as being known.
What you may be missing is reciprocity: someone who makes as much room for you as you make for everyone else.
Want to keep reading? The rest of this article breaks things down by personality type – what you truly crave when loneliness hits, whether you’re an INFJ, INFP, ENFJ, or ENFP. It also covers how to find your people, the Diplomat way.
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