Substack, How Long You Gonna Be Around?

I’m old enough to remember when America Online became this country’s number one time waster.

We were just learning about this thing called the “internet” and what it someday could do. I remember hearing it could turn on my lights before I got home. That was enough to pique my interest.

But before that happened, I saw this stack of computer disks in my grocery store labeled, “AOL.” They were free to take so I grabbed one and stuck it atop the frozen food and canned goods in my bag. Once home I inserted the disk into my laptop’s disk drive (I know, if you’re under 40, you’re already confused) and watched as this, this…digital neighborhood sprang up around me while I stared at a screen.

I could check my stock portfolio, monitor my favorite sports teams, find long lost acquaintances and send them messages, usually starting with, “Have you heard of AOL?”

Before you could utter “Steve Case,” AOL’s dweeby-looking CEO, I had set up an AOL email address. I was in “chat rooms” asking anybody if they had information about the Counting Crows’ new album. I was accepting medical advice from people I didn’t know. Who cares if I still had to turn off the lights manually? AOL was here to stay!

Until MySpace. And Facebook. And Twitter. And LinkedIn. And Vine. And Snapchat. And Instagram. And TikTok.

And now Substack.

I’m the Alec Baldwin of social media platforms; I’m looking for something younger and fresher. Something that will keep my creative juices flowing. Maybe that’s why, after my marriage of 29 years ended, I moved back to Chicago. Since 1993 I’d lived in the Chicago suburbs, raising a family and feeling that I was supposed to be excited when TGI Friday’s added a new appetizer. I wasn’t. Now when I step outside, I see a landscape that seems to change daily. When did that restaurant open? Why are there are more portable scooters than cars on my street? Am I violating city ordinances because I’m not wearing earbuds nor drinking some tan frothy beverage? I’m typically the oldest guy on the bus or in the Starbucks line should I choose to imbibe in aforementioned frothy beverage.

And I love it.

That’s why I started this Substack. Since 1989 I’ve been making audiences laugh for a living. I’ve found humor in marriage, raising kids, divorce and cancer. Companies pay me to make fun of their products and employees at corporate events. I headline comedy clubs and yes, even work the occasional cruise ship. Wherever I am, my eyes and ears are looking, and listening for that next “killer bit.”

Lately I’ve found the funniest material to revolve around the different ways we do everything, depending on our age. While Gen Xers are happy posting static images on Facebook, Gen Z’s make TikTok videos with effects that would make Spielberg and Tarantino applaud. While I count out paper dollar bills to pay for my morning coffee, these headphone-addled kids tap their phones on a screen and leave once they hear a “beep.”

Substack seems to be the perfect forum for me to rant comedically about this new world that I’m trying to figure out. So please join me for the ride. Watch me on comedy club stages and corporate ballrooms as I try and make an audience half my age laugh. Read how I’m adjusting to life as a Gen X in a Gen Z world. Feel free to offer your observations or suggest topics.

Because I plan to write on Substack until something more exciting and fresher comes along.

So about two months.