That Time My Sister-In-Law Changed My Phone Alarm While I Was Out Of the Room…

“..it was annoying me.”

So, back to my sister-in-law changing my phone settings without my knowledge or consent…

Why would she do that you ask?

Because it annoyed her.

Mind you, she didn’t ask me to change it.

Nor did she ask me if she could change it.

Nope, this human picked up MY phone and changed my phone alarm while I was out of the room!

The next time it went off (I think I was using it to remind me of something repeating or something?), I was so confused. She positively preened while explaining to me that my alarm was bothering her so she’d changed it!

Like, the smirk on her face told me that she’d been getting away with bullshit like this for years and she was just waiting to see if I’d say anything.

Sadly, I didn’t.

I wish I’d told her what she did was inappropriate and completely unacceptable. I wish I’d told her not to ever touch my phone again. I wish I’d have sad something…

Instead, I was in so dumbfounded by her behavior I said nothing, spending the rest of the evening vacillating between confusion, anger, disappointment, hurt that my partner let her do that, shame for not speaking up, and sadness that this is how things seem to be in that family.

Well, turns out he didn’t actually see her do it and was pretty shocked she’d have such rude and entitled gall.

That tells me she knew what she was doing was wrong and made a point to be sly about it.

. . .

Years later, the three of us were having a long overdue conversation about the state of our relationships together and I brought it up.

Wanna guess her response?

It was something along the lines of: “Well, it was annoying me.”

I am not even kidding.

No apology, no admission that perhaps she’d no right or that she should have brought it to my attention and asked me if I’d please change it.

Nope.

“..it was annoying me.”

“..it was annoying me.”

Said without contrition.

Said as if she were remarking about the fact that it wasn’t raining that day.

It was spoken blandly, conversationally — as if somehow she felt that since my alarm was annoying her that she was entitled to go behind my back and change my phone settings without my consent.

I’m still fairly dumbfounded a grown adult thinks like this.

Even after being raised by a narcissistic mother and then married to one for 17 years.

My brain is simply unable to process people being cruel, mean, or even just plain rude when it suits them.

Humans are meant to live in community. But these sorts of behaviors are not pro-social, community-building behaviors. They are also not kind, respectful or even logical.

These days, I hope I’d say something if she pulled a stunt like that again. I’ve healed a lot, my self-worth is pretty solid these days so I’m much less inclined to think I somehow deserve to be mistreated.

Oh, and thanks to that day, my phone is now always locked when not in my hand.

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