Hat on a hat

Immediately after Pope Leo was elected a year ago - possibly while he was still giving a speech on the balcony - the Chicago Cubs’ official social media accounts posted this:

It was the first of many statements of absurd hometown pride in the first Supreme Pontiff in history that had seen multiple episodes of Svengoolie. Unfortunately, it was also incorrect, and the ballpark marquee that once encouraged our proud city to Save Ferris had been caught in a lie. Leo’s brother, John “The Good Brother” Prevost, turned out to be some guy in the south suburbs who loved picking up the phone every single time the press called, and he immediately set everyone straight that the man born Robert Prevost in Bronzeville was, in fact, a lifelong White Sox fan, one who had even attended the 2005 World Series. This was the first piece of information John offered about his brother at all. Presumably, reporters were asking him “what does your brother think of gay people?” or whatever, and John refused to answer any of that before saying something like “we need to put an end to the grotesque misinformation spreading across the internet regarding which baseball team our family supports”.

Our local PBS affiliate noted, two days after Leo’s election, that “The White Sox are last in the AL Central this season, a year after they went 41-121 to break the post-1900 major league record for losses in a season. So they welcomed a reason to celebrate.” In the first full season since Leo’s election, the Sox went 60-102, an almost 33% improvement in their number of wins and a mere 28 games back from clinching a playoff spot. So far this season, they’ve played so well that they’re currently tied for fifth in their division, so it’s safe to say that both the White Sox and the Holy Father trust the process, especially given the upcoming giveaway night for the Sox’s August 11th game against Cincinnati. That’s right, if you got a ticket to that game, you’re getting one of these:

Yes, it’s the exclusive White Sox-themed papal miter, originally slated for just five sections of the park and now expanded to all parkgoers, and celebrated in the X post below by what appears to be some Bridgeport-based version of James Franco’s character in Spring Breakers:

SeatGeek did a fascinating analysis of the Pope Hat giveaway’s impact on ticket sales for a team that has already lost 17 games in the first 34 days of the season:

“Since the April 10 announcement, 32.2% of all White Sox home-game tickets purchased on SeatGeek for games in May or later have been for Aug. 11. For one game to account for nearly a third of purchases across 65 remaining home dates outside of March and April is a massive outlier. When zeroing in on Aug. 11 specifically, the timing tells the story. A whopping 94.9% of all tickets purchased for the game have come since the White Sox opened the giveaway to all fans on April 10, with another 4.0% bought the day before. Prices have followed the same demand pattern. The get-in price for the game was $15 on April 8 and currently sits (as of April 15) at $47. The only remaining White Sox home games this season with a higher get-in price are for the same Cubs-White Sox series. The buying behavior says a lot, too. Since the announcement, 50.7% of all tickets purchased for the game have been in the 500 level, with those upper-deck seats averaging $26 per ticket. That suggests fans are less focused on where they sit than on finding the cheapest way into the ballpark to get the unique giveaway.”

SeatGeek is ready to declare this the best giveaway of the season, although I think the Turnstile-themed Orioles jerseys will be a strong second place. I love the White Sox Pope Hat. This is a masterstroke by the White Sox marketing team. I hope they do it every year. I hope the stadium is filled with casual fans in awkwardly tall hats so nobody can see the Reds beat us by fourteen runs. I’d buy tickets to the game if the prices weren’t still climbing and if I hadn’t blown my annual hat budget on the also-sick Simpsons tie-in hat.

You guys probably already knew about the White Sox Pope Hat promotion, it made national news, the AP reported on it. You might not know about the other Sox giveaways, like how the literal night after Pope Hat night is Fourth Wing night, so if you want a bomber jacket to celebrate a lady who fucks a dragon or whatever happens in that book, tickets are still available now.

You might also be curious as to what sort of giveaways the other baseball team in Chicago is offering this season. Some of the custom jerseys look pretty cool - Japanese Heritage Night, Puerto Rican Heritage Night, Greek Heritage Night are all great designs - and a few of the Cubs’ promotions mirror similar giveaways from the White Sox, like Girls’ Night Out or Hello Kitty Night. But in terms of hat giveaways, I need to draw your attention to the Wrigley Field giveaway on May 19th when the Brewers come to town:

Are you…fucking serious? Now, I will say, this promo is a fundraiser where “a portion of the proceeds from each ticket offer purchased will be donated to Champion Forward, a nonprofit organization founded by 2016 World Series MVP Ben Zobrist, with a mission to help teenage athletes, parents and coaches experience sports in a mentally and emotionally healthy way”. That is all, to be clear, a good thing. But I have a lot of questions for the person who designed this hat. Does Champion Forward not have a logo? Based on their website, it looks like they do. Do you think that logo would have fit better on the hat than writing “TAKE CARE OF YOUR MENTAL HEALTH” in all caps on a white field, as though you were receiving instructions from a giant robot who just watched you cry? What if the Cubs drop 10 games in a row and then the next day the ushers have to hand out the “I KNOW THIS IS DEPRESSING BUT YOU HAVE TO STAY STRONG” hats? These look like the hats the government will issue to every American after they finally destroy Medicaid, “so instead of health care, you’re going to get the “TAKE CARE OF YOUR MENTAL HEALTH” hat, but that’s your hat and you can use it however you want”. These look like the Cubs prompted a chatbot to “design a hat that emphasizes the importance of taking care of your mental health” and got this back and said “perfect”?

The reality is that the Cubs have a winning record right now and probably don’t have to be super creative when coming up with their giveaway ideas. They may be better than the Sox in terms of talent, and record, and budget, and dedicated following, and the general state of real estate development around the stadium, the concessions are actually a little better at Wrigley too I think, BUT - but! - I am proud of the Holy Father’s team, and the Southside in general, for having the edge in creative hat design. Also it’s easier to park there.