It's the same old story. The same old song and dance.

Field notes from the crumbling American empire for Monday, August 17, 2026

A while back I wrote about tuning out for the sake of one’s mental health and that I’d found myself at a place where doing so had become necessary.

I find myself at that place more often than not these days.

The funny thing about tuning out to all the stupid bullshit we’re inundated with every day is that it’s all the same stupid bullshit, so you don’t really miss much. Oh, the orange pedophile said twenty-four offensive things before noon? Then he signed one of his stupid goddamn executive orders (which still aren’t law) declaring that wearing any color besides blue is now illegal? You don’t say.

And if I hear one more story about “what the Democrats are doing,” I’ll fucking scream. Hakeem Jeffries doesn’t support Medicare for all? Don’t care. He’s a worthless asshole. What’d you expect? A progressive running for office somewhere referred to Führer Von Shitzhispantz as a pedophile on Fox News? Great. Have the Epstein files been released yet? No? That’s what I thought.

Unless the Democrats physically drag him out of office and set him on fire on the White House lawn, I do not give a shit what they do.

Dumpy and his dirtbag alcoholic grease puppet who’s in charge of wrecking the military have disrespected military members and lied to their families? Again? I’ll be damned. It’s not like that hasn’t happened every day for the last 574 days straight. But let me guess—Iran is close to making a deal, right? And the Strait of Hormuz is going to become the 51st state? And Mexico has almost finished the wall they’re paying to build?

It was noted that Netanyahu will make his nineteenth visit to the White House this month because that’s how often he has to keep reminding that dementia-riddled dumb fuck that the terrorist state of Israel will release video of him raping children if he doesn’t continue bombing Iran on behalf of the ever-expanding Zionist empire. Likely, later today, Shitler’s creepy, Slenderman-looking, evil robot scum-in-law, Jared Kushner, will break ground on Gaza’s first Trump-branded luxury resort while Cokehead and The Dumbest One make a bazillion dollars off a no-bid contract to sell death drones to the Pentagon.

RFK Jr. eliminated all vaccines and instituted a new public health policy that from today forward we must only bathe in raw sewage and eat nothing but roadkill deep-fried in beef tallow? Sure. I mean, who didn’t see that one coming?

Todd Blanche and the DOJ released a statement that the Manson family were unfairly prosecuted and that later this week, Trump will be signing posthumous pardons for all of them who are dead, and those who are still living will be put in charge of the IRS. Yep, that tracks. Linda McMahon says that the Department of Education will now consider any child who works a minimum of 35 hours a week at Walmart “in attendance” for school. And speaking of WalMart, three mega supercenters will be constructed in every national park by the end of 2028. Oh, you betcha. Oh, and they’ve just introduced a bill to make sex illegal except for cases where straight, white couples are breeding on behalf of the state? I’m surprised that took this long.

It’s being reported that, on Sunday, Trump ate a live human baby covered in ketchup while sitting at the Resolute Desk in the Oval Office and House Speaker Mike Johnson can’t comment on it because he’s been busy working with his Republican caucus to take healthcare away from lazy Americans who simply refuse to pull themselves up by their bootstraps.

Yawn. Wake me up when something interesting happens. I’ll tune back in when the public beheadings get underway. Fuck all of these people.

At least Lindsey Graham is still dead.

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