This is a very good blog I made all by myself.
I caved and spent the $32 fucking dollars to have 24 hours of internet access in the middle of our 10 straight days at sea. I might as well post about it. Unfortunately, all I have are the ramblings I’ve written in my journal during my voyage. So I suppose I’ll transcribe those and clean them up a bit. Day One Leaving Port Miami was strangely anticlimactic. I waved goodbye at the land strangers…
In the nearly two months since I last published something on this very good blog, Katy and I: Listed our house. Got two offers on our house in less than two weeks. Sold our house. I can't believe it's actually happening. Can't believe how fortunate we've been. Like, truly, I feel like an asshole because of how all of this is shaking out the way it is? The way that everything seems to have fallen…
Let's file this under #immigrationdiary or something, I dunno. For the uninitiated (or, I suppose, you weirdos who just love being overly-initiated), my wife and I are moving to Europe . Specifically, Poland. More specifically, Warsaw, Poland. And while I am still considering how to write about how this massive life change came about more broadly, I've decided to occasionally toss little posts out…
I'm not gonna do the thing . You know the thing . The thing where I post on my blog after a months-long hiatus and I'm all like, "Oh man, lol, I just remembered I had a blog ha ha!" We get it. Life is life. Sometimes all you can do is get through every day in the best way you know how, and otherwise protect yourself from the bullshit. And let's be clear, the last year has been chock full of…
The moviefilm Titanic was released on December 19, 1997, and remained in theaters for 54 consecutive weeks following its initial release. For 15 weekends, it was the number one film at the box office. These are just fun facts. More fun facts: When Titanic released in December of 1997, I was 11 years-old. Between the ages of 11 and 12, I saw Titanic in the theater a total of six times. I cried…
Zach poked his head into my inbox the other day to offer a suggestion: What if we traded blog post titles? Included in the email was a link to a post he had read that inspired the idea. Writing has felt like a particular slog lately, and so it didn't take much for me to acknowledge that this could be a fun exercise. [1] I told him yes, I want to do that. He told me, "Cool. Your title is 'To…
I have held off writing about this, but I don't think I can, in good conscience, sit with this dark secret any longer: I don't name my forks. This is a fact that exists despite growing up constantly bombarded by the classic adage, "A named fork tines times." [1] Is there any axiom more significant to modern society? If so, I am not familiar with it. I understand the above admission might elicit…
I remember the cornfields, how each stalk would tower over you by August. I remember the narrow roads that stretched into the distance over countryside so flat it felt like it was taunting you. I remember bonfires. I remember midnight walks with Anne, talking for hours and staring at all of the stars that weren't visible when I lived closer to the city. I remember riding in the bed of John's dad's…
Today, I sat in front of this stupid dumb iA Writer window and stared with utter contempt at this gorgeous light blue cursor for what felt like three fucking hours, and by the time I closed the window, it had left but two paragraphs in its wake, one great and one a true monstrosity. It's in these moments that I question why I try to write anything at all. I question what I have to say. I question…
Disclaimer: I reference imaginary violence and very real health anxiety triggers in this piece. Well this is fucking embarrassing to admit, but here we go: there was a period of time in my mid-to-late-20s or so where I would fantasize [1] about getting into fights. Physical fights. Not, like, random arguments, no, there were plenty of those. I was no stranger to verbal sparring. My first marriage…
Table of Contents: Preramble Please, Keenan, dear god, I just want the basics! Any other tips for a beginner? I want to sound better. What microphone should I buy? Okay, but really, what microphone should I buy? What software should I edit in? What are some more advanced things I can do? Postramble Preramble I was tagged against my will [1] by Robb this morning on Mastodon. Looped into a…
After months of deliberately denying myself a daily coffee due to tummy reasons, I have recently ventured back into the realm of making my morning bean juice. Prior to the aforementioned tummy reasons, I would make a batch of cold brew that lasted me a few days. Now, I find myself—shockingly! [1] —sticking to the classic pourover method, and after tireless experimentation, I've developed a routine…
Update—01/28/2025: I know the writing on my site often oscillates between earnest and absurd, but for this post, please know that this is coming from a place of absolute sincerity. I have removed the piece that was originally posted here. A dear friend reached out to let me know that, despite any humorous or satirical intent I had in writing it, the way I chose to end it caused them very real…
Because both Jarrod and Robb asked so nicely, and (mostly) because I've been feeling super self-conscious about not publishing anything, [1] here are my answers to this little blog questions challenge that has been circling the Independent World Wide Web. Hopefully, the rush of publishing this will spark an introspective reckoning that finally leads to my inevitable takeover of the literary world,…
In college, I was a Fiction Writing major. I wouldn't say this was, like, the smartest decision I ever made in life, but I had spent literal years farting around in art school [1] , jumping from major to major to major until I finally, mercifully settled on the one that would be printed on my degree. Fiction Writing wasn't accompanied by a ton of perks. It wasn't one of the mysterious and super…
Annie posted another blogging challenge . For November, she suggested doing AMA-inspired posts. AMA. Ask Me Anything. I love it. I wanna do it. I put out the call on Mastodon , but if you have interesting questions you'd like me to answer, send them my way . I'll answer my favorites throughout the month. The first question I got was from Annie. Different Annie. [1] I'm not a Halloween person.…
Or, I suppose, more accurately, I got my nose pierced. [1] I am not advocating for you to pierce yourself, your friends, your pets, any tubers (aside from a nice potato, just to make sure it's done and ready to mash). It's unsafe. Please be safe when it comes to needles penetrating your flesh, thanks. Is this worth a blog post? I dunno, is anything? Is a blog a blog if I can't blog what I wanna…
Listen along with the audioblog: 1 This is the first time I remember crying: It's, I don't know, 1991? I'm four or five or something. Like so much of my childhood, my memory of it is elusive. A hazy cloud of disparate details swirling about, occasionally condensing into a revelatory burst of clarity. What has coalesced about this particular moment is that we live in our house in Elburn. I see my…
I know it just came out today, but I am already ready to declare that there is no greater device than iPhone 16 Pro. I am flummoxed. Bewildered. DISCOMBOBULATED, even. It is the pinnacle of design. Of engineering. And of humanity. Once again, Apple has blessed us with a little pocket computer that instantly renders their previous efforts to the waste bin that is recorded history. iPhone 15 Pro?…
Update—10/11/2024: The essay that this post is about is done . I did it. It's out there. It was worth toiling over. As I start this document, it is 2:46 in the actual A.M. and I have absconded from the warmth of my bed to bask in the putrid blue glow of this godforsaken monitor. If endless scrolling on a barely lit OLED wasn't conducive to sleeping, I shudder at the thought of what this is doing…