Happy pride

I had the busiest June ever — as an experiment, I tried saying “yes” to everything. This led to a big stretch in my capacity, the biggest I’ve undertaken since the pandemic slowed my life to a complete halt.

I tend to be a person particularly prone to inertia. When I’m in motion (dancing, teaching, reading books, working, going to social events), I find it easy to keep doing things. When I stop, I struggle.

The pandemic really challenged me to face my resistance to rest, and sometimes, I feel like I never really recovered from that. Some days, I worry I will want to lie down one day, and then I will never get up and do any of the things I love again. (Not true: I usually find when I rest with complete abandon that I am filled with ideas and inspiration.) Other days, I feel like my sense of overwhelm will always be my strongest feeling, instead of joy or wonder or peace.

So, I embarked on a month of trying to do more than usual. Why? I’m not really sure. I wanted to see if I could do it. I wanted the extra cash (I’m saving for a wedding this fall after all). I was so grateful for these opportunities, and the opportunity to be working in my field as a dancer. Booked and blessed, as my dance cohort in undergrad used to say.

Some things I got up to in my very booked and very blessed June:

• Co-taught an intermediate/advanced floorwork class with my partner/co-conspirator Shannon Nulf in a new space

• Taught a queer yoga series at my local trans-owned coffee shop and a trans dance series

• Danced for musician Ali McGuirk at the Green River Festival (highlight of the month)

• Went to a Pride dance party sober and had the most fun ever

• Subbed dance classes at various studios and continued to teach an adult pointe class with my regular students

• Began a rehearsal process with Qualia Dance Collective for a new show in July (buy tickets here - come see me dance!)

• Reviewed a fabulous show at Jacob’s Pillow (read that here)

• Attended friend’s baby shower, helped another friend move, had a friend in town I hadn’t seen in a while

• And more (unfortunately)

At one point, I taught dance classes six days in a row. The experience of giving that much of myself, during Pride month and also in times like these, was both incredibly special and exhausting. I’m so grateful that my work is meaningful to my community. I’m also very tired.

Last week, I went to get my suit pants for my wedding altered during June, at a reputable tailor in my local city, and I got called a d*ke by someone on the street as I entered. This is hardly a serious thing (if it were a different person, I might have say “heyyy nice to see you too”). Then, the tailor told me that my desire to have cropped pants around my ankles looked terrible and wasn’t “appropriate for a wedding.” I wanted to scream “It’s for MY wedding,” but I exercised what little self control I had left and calmly asked her to make the pants shorter. She did, thank goodness.

I did make some choices about my participation this Pride month. Apart from the aforementioned Pride dance party, I didn’t attend any local celebrations. After four years of tabling at these events for my various nonprofit jobs, I needed a break. And, I have so much queer community that I was celebrating (my friends are having a baby! I had a bach party! people I love are moving in together and buying houses! in this economy!).

I didn’t buy any Pride merch this year. This feels self-explanatory, but I am so disillusioned by the pulling of DEI initiatives by corporations across the country and the quiet rollout of Pride collections even still.

I attended most social events in June sober! This is something I have been practicing. Usually, if I am not able to have an alcoholic beverage, I opt out of things like going to a club or a bar, but I am excited to share I have a newfound love for sober dancing (and a great dance partner in my sweet Shannon).

Despite the rollback of LGBTQ+ rights this year, I have had one of the most beautiful queer years of my life (and I’m only halfway through). I’m eagerly anticipating my wedding this October. I have more queer community (near and far) than ever. The cognitive dissonance is so intense some days I get headaches.

I learned how strong I can be this month. I also learned how to take four-hour naps. I think both will serve me as I go forward.