Me and Mrs. Jones

Did you have Maxie Jones selling her shares in Deception, a company that she talked about many a time as being her security and her only source of income and to provide for the future of her children, to move to Australia and rely on her partner in life, Damian Spinelli to provide for her in his fabulous new job? Neither did I.

But that’s exactly what happened. And just like that, legacy character Mariah Maximiliana "Maxie" Jones is gone, taking her second generation legacy children, Georgie Spinelli, James West and Bailey Lu Jones with her “assassin of the internet” Damian Spinelli (played by Bradford Anderson since 2006) with her.

That cast a shadow on Thursday’s episode. Okay, so the writers didn’t know what to do but man, oh man, could they have at least wrapped it up over the course of a week or two? Kristina languished on the canvas for weeks after her announcement that she was leaving Port Charles to become a doctor. It seemed like she was never going to leave. By contrast, wrapping Maxie’s story up in one episode felt like the old magician’s tablecloth pull trick.

So, let’s unpack this week. (Get it? Unpack vs. Maxie’s packed and moved in one episode?) Crickets.

THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO HMMMM….:

1.) People questioned why Nurse Liz was wearing a lab coat. It’s actually become a common thing for many reasons in a lot of hospitals including for identification purposes, specialized care, a more professional perception, and for functional storage, since nurses carry a lot of assessment tools that would not necessarily fit in a scrubs pocket. So, in this case, the hmmmming is unwarrented. What should make you go hmmmm is #2.

2.) Stella is a Patient Advocate, not Human Resources. Why is she giving Tristan his parking lot assignment? Oh, wait! In what secret, invisible episode did she get the job promotion to Chief Administrator, who still wouldn’t be handing out parking lot assignments? Can’t this show pay actress Cassandra James to make at least one appearance as Chief-of-Staff Terri Randolph?

3.) Were any of you concerned for one single minute that Britt WASN’T going to be reinstated? This gets so old. How many strikes does Britt (or anyone else) get at this hospital?

4.) And can the Chief Administrator and Head Nurse “pile on” more duties as part of a probationary period?

5.) Why was Laura at the police station getting Ezra out of trouble, then her office when Valentin burst in, then back at the police station to hear the evidence from Cullum’s shooting was gone?

6.) How is Liz just able to decide she’s going on break and leaving the desk when there is no one else there to cover for her? Can the Head Nurse just put a doctor in charge while she’s gone?

7.) Why do phones on soaps ring forever until the person answers? Doesn’t anyone pick up the phone and just say, “Hang on for a second. I’m just wrapping something up?” My phone goes to voicemail if I don’t pick it up in ten seconds.

8.) When did we get chairs at the Nurses station?

WHITE MEN CAN’T JUMP BUT BLACK MEN SHOULD NOT BE WEARING A BACKWARDS BASEBALL CAP:

And why is Brick mouthing off to Val like this? This is, hands down, the stupidest scene of the week. And Brick is making threats in Sonny’s name? How cowardly is that? Anyone else sick of Brick and his macho swagger? We asked for Maxie back. not more Brick.

Later, Brick is suited up and visiting Carly to give her the goods on Valentin while Val meets with Laura.

So Sonny can interfere in Carly’s love life but Carly is unaware of Sonny’s secret relationship to the ADA, which is still going strong.

MICHAEL x 2: Wednesday was time for Michael and his muscles’ weekly appearance. An unseen Maxie called Michael and by Thursday’s end, Michael had bought Maxie’s shares in Deception because… well we all know why… and was ready to implement his ideas for Deception, much to the surprise of Lucy and Tracy (and the audience who was not clued in). Brook Lynn, however, took her cousin’s side.

While at the Aurora Gym, Michael had an episode long chit-chat with Jordan, saying he could try and get her into the clinic that made him hotter than a steamy bowl of soup, and she thanked him because she didn’t want to be there courtesy of Sidwell. Good thing that Jordan got there early to get her spot in Hot Yoga.

Isaiah holding a baby will always get a thumbs up. Even if the poor baby is named Desmond Robinson Ashford. What happened to the name Miles, that was also floating around?

Anna and Brennan put their heads together and Brennan tells Anna he is pretty sure Cullum was the culprit torturing her. She wants to know who really shot Cullum. She thinks it was Cassius. He teases her cruelly that he knows but it’s classified info. Shakespeare pops up after Brennan leaves and asks why hasn’t she asked Brennan about Britt.

Instead, Anna lectures Chase of the Paw Patrol that he shouldn’t be running around conducting independent investigations, especially into cases like she made for Willow being the attempted murderer. Then she basically tells him to run an independent investigation into the WSB, Cullum and Sidwell and then he’ll have a shot at becoming a detective again. She also tells Dante to play nice with Chase. Shakespeare approves.

So Dante does makes nice with Chase and tells him Anna wants them to be partners again. He wants Chase to bring Willow in for questioning concerning Sidwell. Information came up when Ezra gave his statement.

I GIVE UP: LuLu confides in Sonny and Ric that Rocco was the one who shot Cullum. She asks Anna about her relationship with Robin and Anna gives her advice to just keep showing up for Charlotte. She and Dante talk about maybe letting Charlotte go live with Val for a time because Rocco doesn’t want to come back to LuLu’s house while Charlotte is there. LuLu goes to Carly’s and tells Val she will leave it up to Charlotte as to where Charlotte will live. Because we can only have one pissy person on the canvas at a time, Rocco is now pissy with Charlotte and won’t forgive her.

FASHION: The most stylish male of the week had to be Simon. His outfit fit his demeaner: cool, calm and collected.

So Simon wanted both Gio and Trina as solo acts but they stuck together as a duo. Later, he calls someone and says they would only sign as a duo so he had to settle for that but Trina Robinson is the one to watch. GH, make this make sense!

Curtis came in a close second, in a casual shirt and slacks look.

QUINN IS BACK: They needed to meet at The Surf Lodge because otherwise, would anyone remember Quinn, the three episode friend of Kai, who dissed Trina?

He apologizes to Kai, he apologizes to Trina, then we see a montage of photos of Trina, clipped out and hanging on someone’s wall - is it Quinn? Simon? Leo? Knowing GH, it will be Leo. Why is Trina suddenly our resident object of a fatal attraction?

SOFTBALL TEAM: Oh, it’s summer so it’s time for every business in Port Charles to play Softball. Justine has been practicing in the off-season and Tristan is recruited for the GH team. Britt is the new Equipment Manager.

She’s also two hours late to work the next day and while Nurse Liz stews, she decides to go and talk to Willow about stalling on the whole “Let’s get Drew communicating” front. Willow once again plays friend and works Liz over, and even agrees to an appointment “next Tuesday”. Brennan calls and says they’ve hit a dead end with the box. Willow panics because she’s out of the medication and Drew is moving. Brennan says he owes her so he is prepared to put Willow and her children on a flight that evening to get them away. As Willow is about to leave her office to get ready to skip town, Chase shows up.

Meanwhile, after Joss sits in on Britt’s grilling by Jack Brennan about the box, she’s complaint with agency standards which Brennan thinks is refreshing.

On her way out, Joss runs into Valentin, who has come to see Brennan. Val says he’s turned over a new leaf and has the black box and wants to return it. For a price.

THE BLAME GAME: Danny and Jason are back from their (weeks-long?) trip and Jason speaks with Rocco about all that has happened. Jason “clears” Rocco of his guilty conscience and insists it is all on him, not Rocco. In a moment of self-reflection, Jason accepts that the WSB took it out on him for all the things he has done in the past and because of who he is. Rocco tells him about running away with Britt, who was the only person who seemed to understand. Jason advises he needs to let this go and Rocco asks if that’s what Jason is doing. Jason responds that he’s trying.

Down at the dock, Scout 2.0 tries to reason with Drewfus about Danny, while Danny paces in the background. She snaps at Danny when Danny makes a crack and Nina intervenes. Danny apologizes to Drewfus.

Lucas chastizes Britt for everything and gives her a pep talk. She needs to start taking control of her life. She forgives him. She apologizes to Liz but Liz says she has to explain herself to Stella (who apparently is all mighty and powerful now). After coming out of a patient’s room, Britt sees Liz and Lucas looking at photos and smiles. She turns the corner and runs into Jason.

WHAT’S UP WITH CHARLOTTE?":

Charlotte is crushing on Gio (it’s those pretty eyelashes, isn’t it, Charlotte?) and Emma makes out in front of her with her boyfriend.

MR. OWL: Remember the Tootsie Pop commercial owl, who everyone went to because he was so wise?

Well, that’s what Gio is now to everyone, the wise old owl, handing out advice here and there. He should write a column. I hear Dear Man Landers is looking to get resurrected.

THIS IS THE START OF A VERY COMPLICATED RELATIONSHIP:

After searching for the box and coming up empty, Nina and Jack drown their troubles at The Brown Dog, then Nina wakes up the next morning in Jack’s bed. When Nina suddenly sticks up for him to Willow, Willow correctly guesses she slept with Brennan.

SCOUT 2.0:

Why is it, when a show SORASes a child, the older child/teen suddenly becomes smart, sassy and showboating. And how long has it been since BLQ last saw Scout since she mentions she’s “all grown up”?

She gets her grandmother to agree to allow her to use the lake for her cancer swim and also to allow Drew to come and watch. Meanwhile, Willow and Nina are getting desperate - so desperate that they spend a whole episode in the Boathouse during Scout’s practice debating on what to do.

COME AWAY WITH ME:

Chase sticks to his guns when Willow randomly asks him to come to Washington one day to help her. Chase says he is now focused on BLQ and his family. Willow wonders if she needs to back off but Chase assures her he will always be there for her.

EZRA: Our local politician sweats it out but Laura puts in a good word for him and encourages him to tell the truth and cut a deal. So now he doesn’t have to worry about Detective Fitzpatrick coming after him.

MENTIONS: Tracy mentioned Yuri could always come and get Scout; Carly talked about her relationship with Bobbie with Charlotte when Charlotte wants to come and move in with her. Carly finds out from Charlotte that Danny is on a trip with Jason (who is out of prison). She gets a little bent out of shape over that. Gio and Charlotte bond over the music of the German-American Violinist Augustin Hadelich.

OFF TO GRANDMA’S: Actually, Bobbie’s. After her swim, Scout and Danny go meet their grandmother at Bobbie’s. They tell Alexis about their plea to Drew and wanting to stay together and Alexis seems doubtful. Nina, who said she would get Drew home, gets a desperate call from her daughter, who says Brennan offered to get her out of the country tonight with Wiley and Amelia, since he had reached a dead end with the box. Willow is on her way home to pack and pick up the kids at Camp Lila (and offers Nina a spot on the plane). Nina panics, but is startled when Drew speaks, and pushes Drew and his wheelchair into the lake!

QUOTES OF THE WEEK:

“Do I have competition?” - Valentin, indicating the flowers on Carly’s kitchen counter

“Yes. Brick.” - Carly

“Sonny’s friend?” - Valentin

“Hmmm-mmmm.” - Carly

“That’s funny. He paid me a visit too, but he didn’t bring me flowers.” - Valentin

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“I will do anything for my own daughter’s happiness. Even break my own heart.” - a dejected LuLu to Valentin and Carly

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“You still not talking to me or is folding towels that riveting?” - Charlotte to Rocco, who is doing his job as Chief Towel Folder at The Metro Court

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“What’s wrong, Nina? Get some bad news?” - Drew’s first words

“Not for me. Worse for you.” - Nina, as she pushes Drew’s wheelchair off the dock and into the water