America’s 250th birthday is coming up next week, and under normal circumstances, this would be considered a pretty big deal. After all, not many countries make it to 250 years without being conquered, collapsing, or accidentally electing a llama as president.
Naturally, some Americans have responded to this historic milestone by announcing they intend to skip the celebration entirely.
This strikes me as an unusual reaction.
Imagine your grandmother turns 90 and the family gathers to celebrate. There is cake, ice cream, presents, and one cousin who has somehow managed to become a professional life coach despite still living in your aunt’s basement. Then, just as everyone begins singing “Happy Birthday,” another relative stands up and announces, “I refuse to celebrate Grandma because I disagree with several decisions she made in 1987.”
Most families would view this person as a lunatic.
But in modern America, this instead certifies you as an irrational left-wing Democrat with chronic TDS.
Some Democrats argue that America isn’t meeting their questionable standards and therefore shouldn’t be celebrated. This is fascinating because it would eliminate virtually every birthday party in human history.
I’ve attended birthdays for people who leave shopping carts in parking lots. I’ve attended birthdays for people who microwave fish in an office breakroom. One year, I attended a birthday party for a guy who believed cryptocurrency was a retirement plan.
Yet somehow everyone still managed to eat cake.
The strange thing is that America’s birthday is not a declaration that the country is perfect. It’s simply recognition that, despite all the arguments, elections, scandals, traffic jams, and social media influencers, the whole experiment has lasted two and a half centuries.
That’s not nothing.
For perspective, the average smartphone survives about three years before demanding to be replaced. My hair dryer has been trying to die since the Obama administration. Half the passwords I created last month have already been forgotten.
America has survived 250 years.
If anything, that deserves at least a cupcake.
The Left insists they cannot celebrate because they are angry about current politics. This also seems odd. If Americans waited until politics made everyone happy before celebrating anything, the country would have shut down around 1789.
The Founding Fathers argued constantly. They argued about taxes, government, states’ rights, foreign policy, and whether Benjamin Franklin was spending entirely too much time conducting “scientific experiments” with French women.
Yet somehow they still managed to create a country.
Today, we have citizens threatening to boycott a birthday party because somebody they dislike won an election.
That is the emotional equivalent of refusing to attend Christmas because your brother-in-law posted something annoying on Facebook.
Actually, come to think of it, that’s a terrible example. A lot of families already do that.
Personally, I plan to celebrate America’s birthday the traditional way: with food, fireworks, and the sincere hope that nobody loses an eyebrow.
If others choose not to participate, that’s their right. Freedom includes the freedom to skip the party. Just don’t complain when the rest of us are having a good time.
There will be flags. There will be parades. There will be fireworks. There will undoubtedly be somebody grilling a hot dog while wearing an American flag shirt that was manufactured in a country that is definitely not America.
And there will be cake.
Lots and lots of cake.
Frankly, I don’t understand the appeal. As my family will gladly tell you, I have spent my entire life treating dessert as an unnecessary interruption between meals. While normal people are fighting over the last piece of birthday cake, I’ll be standing in the corner with a giant bag of pretzels, wondering why anyone would voluntarily eat frosting.
But that’s the beauty of America.
You can celebrate with chocolate cake. You can celebrate with vanilla cake. You can celebrate with ice cream. You can even celebrate with one of those sheet cakes from the grocery store that somehow contains enough sugar to power a medium-sized city.
Me? I’ll be celebrating with pretzels.
That’s freedom.
Happy 250th birthday, America.
America's 250th birthday should be the easiest celebration in the world. Cake. Fireworks. Flags. Bald eagles doing whatever it is bald eagles do. If America is so terrible, why are millions still trying to get here?
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This week’s guests on The Right Mind Show!
• Michael Vater— The Traveling Lawyer. Michael has visited 68 countries, all 50 states, every state capital, and 57 national parks, all while building a litigation career that spans more than 1,600 cases.
• Tim Whitney — Candidate for Jefferson County, Country Executive, and all-around great guy!
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As always, thank you for reading, sharing, commenting, and proving that celebrating America is still more fun than boycotting the party.
Until next time...
— Todd
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