Queeries: Short Notes for Short Days

I’d like to think the fires were beat back a bit and the smoke lifted for a few deep breaths when Democratic Socialist Zohran Mamdani was elected last week. I, for one, was certainly holding my breath and crossing all my fingers and toes, remembering what November 4th last year felt like…

As a recovering chronically-online person, seeing Mamdani featured on Shop Cats and Subway Takes and consistently posting viral campaign videos in different languages felt like microdosing hope on my Instagram feed. Is hopecore the next big thing? Maybe going offline is where it’s at.

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Regardless—it’s early mid-November, it’s 6 PM where I am right now and it feels like midnight. I haven’t stopped staring at my glowing rectangles of infinite knowledge (aka phone, computer, etc.). Astrology and my brain and the aches and pains in my physical body are telling me loud and clear that something has got to change.

So, here are a few ways I’m approaching time in queer ways:

• Micro-multitasking: a few minutes while the microwave heats up leftovers = a few minutes of folding last week’s laundry. Maybe this is my undiagnosed ADHD, but it’s working for my brain and my to-do list is… somewhat managed!

• Time traveling: since moving back into the house that I grew up in, I’ve been sitting with the layers of memories of this space that I hold inside of me. Some of that history if crystal clear; most of it is muddled like an unholy cocktail that’s one part drama, three parts trauma, and a garnish of anger and sadness. Autumn in this house is the worst for me, because a lot of not-so-happy-things went down when I was too young to protect myself. Here, spooky season extends its spindly roots deep into the end of the year. The ghosts of my mind haunt this house.

• Creating containers of time: a concept I learned from artist Yumi Sakugawa and that I wrote about in the last issue of Queeries. Boundaries to do the things that rejuvenate me enables deeper engagement to fill my cup. When I start writing / painting / reading / sewing / gardening, I light a candle / drink a specific beverage / listen to special music / wear a designated beanie. I feel different when I ritualize my shifts in attention and consciousness.

• Resting with my cat: every. single. evening. I swear her purrs and my heart sync up and a little bit of me heals.

• Measuring time in immeasurable ways: how many days does it take for a tomato to ripen? How many moments does a rainbow last in the sky? At what rate do weeds I evict in the garden move back in? Water evaporating from 300 gsm cold-pressed cotton paper. Balloon hoisted away by the wind until it can no longer be seen. The time lost when the bus says it’ll arrive in 3 minutes but actually arrives in 18. How long until my feeling of hope fades away into imperceptibility?

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Thank you for reading this, and pondering some queeries with me. It would not exist without you.

I hope these words inspire in some way, shape, or form.

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Until next time,

A.L.