No sleepovers with other people.
No having sex with someone else in our bed.
No having sex with anyone in our friend group.
Those are the three most common rules when it comes to open relationships.
“What are your rules?” is one of the most common questions I get asked, but it’s tricky to answer since what works for one couple is not going to be the same for another. Yet, clearly communicated rules and guidelines are the backbone of any healthy open relationship.
Whatever your rules are, you have to be able to communicate about them clearly and know exactly what they are in order to effectively move through this experience with ease.
Many couples like to wing their rules and say that communication is enough, but that can easily open you up to misunderstanding. This is why I always advise couples to get as specific as they feel comfortable. Especially since our emotions and feelings are constantly shifting and changing, and when there are multiple people involved, it can be really easy to exist within a grey area that allows for hurt feelings even though you ‘technically didn’t break any rules.’
These rules are so important, but coming up with them can be really challenging. How are you supposed to think of every scenario that could upset you? How can you come up with all of these situations before they happen? Are you and your partner really on the same page?
That’s where I come in. Today I’ve compiled a list of all the most frequently used rules by open couples I could find. They’re taken from couples I know, Reddit threads, posts by therapists and other sex educators, and compiled into a list of over 60 specific rules that you can take or leave. Here are a few examples:
You can have as many lunch dates as you want, but dinner dates are only by agreement.
Schedule dates with us as often as you have them with others.
Check in via text when you’re with someone; only call when it’s an emergency.
Only attend kink or sex parties together.
You can explore this list with your partner or do it solo, but I guarantee that reading these rules will only help and strengthen your relationship, especially if there have been things you’ve wanted to bring up but didn’t know how. There are even a few on here that I’d never seen before!
And all of them revolve around the same concept: how can we explore other connections while always cultivating and nurturing our primary relationship?
So, if you’ve been wanting a little bit more structure in your open relationship, or if you’ve been feeling a bit insecure about it lately, or are just curious about other people’s rules, click that upgrade button and enjoy!
Let’s dive in.
A quick note! Gay Buffet is my sole income, and now that I’ve hit 1,000 paid subscribers, my prior sale has ended, but I really want to make sure that my rates are still affordable. To that end, my yearly paid sub price is still heavily discounted for those who need it. I know money is tight all around, and I really hope this helps! When you upgrade to a paid subscription, you’re not just getting helpful sex content; you’re also helping me pay rent, buy groceries, and keep the lights on.
Thank you so much for your support; I truly couldn’t do this without you. -Aidan
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