THE LIFE LIST

Do you remember that list we were all told to make—the one describing our ideal man, supposedly to manifest him into our lives?

Two years ago, I decided to make that list for my life.

It came as a reaction to a whole lot of way too much life spent “following my bliss” and “going with the flow.” At some point I had to admit it. I was lost.

I had gotten lost in so many things—specifically men, but also popularity, ambition, perfectionism and the pursuit of the fake self (they go hand in hand), adventurism and travelism (also, move-across-the-worldism).

And, of course, letting other people influence me, far too much.

It ended, predictably, alone in the rain.

Here is the thing about being fifty: you get tired of your own bullshit. It’s like being with a boyfriend you’ve finally accepted is never going to change. You either take him as he is, or you leave.

Except I couldn’t leave myself. And I couldn’t take myself anymore either.
So I decided to change.

I took a pen and paper and wrote down my own list for an ideal life.
Here is what I wrote down.

THE LIST

I need help.