Turning Lead Into Gold

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I share a little more in the podcast and it feels a bit more personal, but if you prefer to read, it’s still juicy and you can follow along with the meditation and Futurecasting process. There is also a song! You can access these below as well.

In April this year, I broke my own heart. I was in a relationship with someone I really loved, and who really loved me. But there were some serious issues on his side that weren’t going to change, things that were harming me and that I couldn’t fix no matter how much I loved him.

So, I made the hard choice and I ended it. I broke my own heart, on purpose, because staying would have cost me more than leaving. And I was heartbroken. More than I imagined I would be. It wasn’t the kind of thing you get over in a week or two.

And in the middle of all that, still raw, still nowhere near ready, not looking for anyone, I sat down and I wrote from the future.

I imagined it was New Year’s Eve, the very end of 2026, and I wrote in the present tense, as if the whole year had already happened. And in it, I’d met someone. Someone amazing. I described the relationship, how it felt, the ease of it, as though it was already real and already mine. I did it almost as an act of faith, because I know this practice works, even when I’m not feeling hopeful. And I was not feeling hopeful. I’d been on so many first and second dates, and couldn’t face doing online dating again when I was recovered from my broken heart.

And then this is what happened...

I was scrolling Facebook while away for the weekend with my bestie, and I was in one of those singles groups, the kind that had never once popped up in my feed the whole time I’d been in my previous relationship.

And suddenly, there it was. A photo of this really lovely guy, mountains behind him, out at Wilson’s Promontory in Victoria, Australia.

I zoomed in, and he had the kindest eyes. So, I commented on his post, which is something I would never normally have done. We messaged back and forth a few times, then had a phone call where we chatted easily. Then we went on a first date.

There was this really strong connection, straight away. Our date went for a few hours as we sat in a café having multiple cups of tea for me and coffee for him, followed by a walk around the local lake next to the café.

It’s early days, we’ve been getting to know each and it’s been nearly three months now. But there he was. Weeks after I wrote him into being, while I was still heartbroken and absolutely not looking.

So how does that happen? How do you write something from the future while you’re heartbroken and not even trying, and then watch it show up early?

Is it magic?

Is it woo?

Is it just a nice coincidence I’m reading too much into?

What I want to talk about today is that it’s a bit of everything.

There is real science underneath this. There’s also, I believe, genuine mystery. And there’s a structure, an actual method, that makes it work far more reliably than crossing your fingers and hoping.

It’s part brain chemistry, part paying attention, and part something I can only call alchemy and working from the superconscious.

I first explored the word, alchemy, properly, when I read Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist. It came out in English in 1993, and I read it as a young woman at university. And I loved it. It lit something up in me, this idea that when you truly want something, the whole world conspires to help you get it.

Alas, loving this idea didn’t change my life because I had no idea what to actually do with it. I had the inspiration and none of the instructions. I had the wanting, but no structure for the wanting. And so, it just stayed a beautiful book on my shelf for a very long time.

It took me until 2020 to find the structure despite watching The Secret and reading lots of books on manifesting. That’s when I started to properly studying alchemy and the creative process, through the work of William Whitecloud and his Natural Success teachings.

And that changed everything, because it turned a lovely idea into an actual practice but even then, I needed something even more powerful, which I have termed Futurecasting.

I’ve created so much from it, in my work, my creativity, my life. The heartbreak story I just told you is just the most recent one.

And one of the things I learned that has stayed with me most is this: success isn’t personal. It’s not about being special, or chosen, or luckier than the next woman. Success follows structure. It follows principles. Which means it’s available to anyone willing to work with those principles. That took so much pressure off me, and it’s the opposite of what a lot of the manifesting world tells you.

So, let’s start with the brain, because this is where it stops being woo and starts being fascinating. There’s a growing body of neuroscience showing that your brain cannot fully tell the difference between something vividly imagined and something real.

When you picture an experience in enough detail, your brain lights up many of the same pathways it would use if you were actually living it. Imagine biting into a chocolate cake and your mouth waters. Imagine something frightening and your heart rate climbs, your body floods with adrenaline. Your body responds to the image, not just the event.

Researchers describe it as a difference of degree, not kind. Your brain runs a kind of reality threshold, and when an imagined signal is vivid enough and emotional enough, it can cross that threshold and get treated as real.

And here’s the part that matters most for us, and it’s why I keep talking about pleasure and the body on this podcast.

Emotion is the amplifier.

A dry, detached visualization does very little. But when you feel it, when you get in your body, put music on, let yourself actually experience the joy of the thing as if it’s happening, that’s when the brain really takes the imprint. Mental rehearsal done with feeling creates real changes. Athletes have used this for decades.

So, when I wrote from that future New Year’s Eve, I wasn’t just listing what I wanted. I was feeling it as if it was already true and something I had already experienced. I let myself feel what it would be like to be loved well again. And my brain took that seriously.

It was a remembering rather than an imagining.

Then there’s the second piece, and this one is beautifully practical. Confirmation bias. We usually hear about confirmation bias as a bad thing, the way we only notice evidence that agrees with what we already believe. But it works powerfully in our favor too.

Once you hold a clear, vivid vision of what you want, your brain quietly starts filtering the whole world for anything that matches it. It’s like when you’re thinking about buying a certain car and suddenly see that car everywhere. It was always there. You just weren’t tuned to see it.

So, when you hold a vision of love, or a full bookshelf with your name on the spine, or a business that thrives, your attention re-tunes. You start noticing the opportunities, the openings, the people, that were probably there all along but that you were too closed or too busy or too heartbroken to see.

Look for the good and you are genuinely more likely to see it. I don’t think the universe delivered a man to my door. I think I became someone who could notice him when he appeared, and open enough to say yes.

But here’s where it becomes more than positive thinking, and where the alchemy really lives. Because just imagining nice things is not enough. And this is my problem with a lot of what’s out there right now, the be delusional, lucky girl version of manifesting, where you’re told to just believe hard enough and act as if.

That version skips the most important step, and it can be a bit cruel, because when it doesn’t work, you’re left thinking you didn’t believe hard enough. As if it’s your fault.

Real alchemy, the old alchemists were trying to turn lead into gold, has three parts, not one. First, yes, you need a strong, vivid vision of the gold, the thing you want – the desired end result.

But second, and this is the step everyone skips, you have to look clearly and at your current reality. The lead. Where you actually are right now, no sugar-coating.

And third, you build the bridge between the two. You find the path from here to there, and you take real steps along it. Action is required, not just wishful thinking.

Vision, current reality, and the bridge between them. That’s the alchemy. And notice that it asks you to hold two things at once, the dream and the real truth of where you are, without collapsing into either one. Which, if you’ve been listening to this podcast for a while, is a thread that runs through everything I talk about. Holding two true things at the same time.

Carl Jung took alchemy seriously, by the way, which I love, because it means this isn’t just fluffy. He read the old alchemical texts as a symbolic map of inner transformation.

The turning of lead into gold was really about turning the raw, unformed self into a whole, realized one. He called it individuation. So, when I talk about alchemy, I’m not talking about magic tricks. I’m talking about a genuine process of transformation, one that serious minds have studied for a very long time.

Now, where do I stand on all of this?

I believe in both the science and I believe in the mystery.

I don’t think you have to choose. I think there’s real brain chemistry here, real attention, real structure. And I also think there’s something we can’t fully explain, something a bit magic, in how fast that man arrived, in the timing of things, in the way life seems to move when you get clear.

Science and mystery, living in the same two hands.

And the other thing I want to say, is that I don’t do this from a place of force. I’m not white-knuckling my vision into being through sheer hustle. I do it from rest. From pleasure. From getting in my body and feeling good and writing from a place of joy rather than desperation.

I genuinely think we manifest more from softness than from strain. The tight, grasping energy of I have to make this happen tends to push things away. The open, pleasured, already-have-it energy tends to draw them in. And because we remembering a version of the past from the future, we aren’t grasping or coming from a place of lack.

But before you can write yourself into any future, there’s a harder question underneath all of this…

What do you actually want?

Not what you think you should want. Not what your family expects, or what looks impressive, or what everyone around you seems to be chasing.

What do YOU truly desire?

Because most of us have never really asked. We’ve filtered our wanting through so many layers of should that we’ve lost the thread of what we truly desire.

I know this one intimately, because I got it wrong for years. When I was young, I badly wanted a career in a big, important business. I wanted to feel significant. And I got it, I ended up at an international consulting firm. And it was hollow. I didn’t fit the mold at all.

I had way too many emotions for that environment, I’m a people person, and I was working in this very buttoned-up, almost robotic world. What I actually wanted, underneath the shiny version I’d been chasing, was freedom. The freedom to be creative and to express myself in a hundred different ways. But I couldn’t see that yet.

Here’s an even clearer one. When I went to university, I somehow enrolled at ANU in Canberra in a Bachelor of Economics. I have never had the slightest interest in economics. To this day I’m not entirely sure how it happened. I think my brother’s friend was doing it, and I was staying with my brother, and I wanted to be near him.

So, there I was, studying something I didn’t care about at all. And I hated it. So did most of my fellow students and that course had a famously high fail rate. So, I decided to change. And because I had stepchildren at the time and thought, oh, children are lovely, I decided to become a primary school teacher. And then, on my practical placement, a six-year-old spat on me. And I thought, “You could not pay me enough to be spat on.”

I’d always, always been interested in communications. But it never once occurred to me to do it as a career. And yet somehow, I ended up graduating with a Bachelor of Communications in professional writing, well, half of it, because the other half was still stuck in primary school education from my detour.

And when I look back now, it is so blindingly obvious. Communications was always it. Writing was always it. It had been there the whole time, and I just could not see it, because I kept reaching for what I thought I was supposed to want.

That’s how sneaky this is. Your true desire can be sitting right in front of you, obvious to everyone but you, while you chase the versions of success you’ve been handed.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

A true desire doesn’t need defending. You don’t have to justify it, or rationalize it, or explain to anyone why you want it. Sometimes you won’t even know why you want it, and that’s fine, because it’s often serving a bigger purpose you can’t see yet.

You just have to be brave enough to own it. To say, this is what I want, full stop, no apology. Getting that clear is the hardest part of this whole thing, and it’s why I’m going to guide you through a short practice for it in a moment.

Now, before I share the practice I am using, I want to say something about the physical act of writing. You could do a version of this in your head. You could lie in bed each morning and imagine your future, and that would genuinely help. Day dreaming is powerful in itself.

But there is something far more powerful about writing it down. There’s research on this. A study by a psychologist called Dr Gail Matthews found that people who wrote their goals down were significantly more likely to achieve them than people who just thought about them, we’re talking a large difference, not a small one.

Writing forces the vague wanting into actual words. It makes it specific. It creates a record your brain treats as more real and more committed than a passing daydream. And there’s something about the physical act of writing, especially by hand, that takes it so much deeper. So please, don’t just think or imagine. Write it.

So here’s how I actually do it. I call it Futurecasting. I pick a date in the future, sometimes six months out, sometimes a year, sometimes just a month. I write that date at the top of the page. And then I write, in the present tense, as if I am already standing in that future and it has all already happened. I reflect back on the time in between.

“Oh my goodness, I can’t believe how much has changed. I feel amazing. This happened, and this, and this. I write it as though it’s already real.”

And this is the key, the part that makes it work, I let myself feel it in my body as I write. I don’t write it coldly, like a to-do list. I write it from joy, as if I’m already living it. That feeling is what makes the brain take it seriously. I feel excited and grateful in that moment for what I have already created and lived through.

That’s the whole practice. And it’s simple, but it does all three parts of the alchemy at once. It builds the vivid, emotional vision your brain treats as real. It re-tunes your attention, so you start noticing the bridge. And when you write it down, it sits right alongside your true current reality instead of denying it.

It’s the structure I wish I’d had at university, sitting there loving The Alchemist and having no idea what to do with it.

So let’s actually do the first part together, right now. I’m going to guide you through a short practice to help you get clear on what you truly desire. You can come back to this meditation anytime you want to tune into your truest desire.

If you’re driving or you need your eyes, just listen now and come back to it later. Otherwise, find a comfortable position, and let’s begin.

Let your eyes close. And take a slow breath in through your nose, and let it go with a soft sigh out through your mouth.

Again. Breathe in and let the day fall away as you breathe out.

Let your shoulders drop. Let your body be held by whatever is underneath you.

There is nowhere to be and nothing to fix for the next few minutes.

Now I want you to let go of every should. Just for now. Every version of what you’re supposed to want.

What your parents wanted for you.

What your friends are chasing.

What would look good, or impressive, or sensible.

Imagine setting all of it down on the ground beside you, like a heavy bag you’ve been carrying. You can pick it back up later if you want to. But for now, set it down.

And in the quiet that’s left, I want you to imagine that anything is possible.

No one is watching. No one will ask you to explain yourself. There are no rules, no limits, no judgement.

And from that place, let a question float up.

What do I actually want?

Don’t reach for the answer with your mind. Let it come from lower down, from your body, from your chest, your belly.

Notice what lights up. Notice what your body leans toward.

It might be a clear picture. It might be just a feeling, a warmth, a pull. It might surprise you. It might be something you’ve never let yourself say out loud.

Whatever comes, don’t argue with it. Don’t ask it to justify itself. Just let it be here. Let yourself want it.

And if nothing clear comes, that’s completely okay. Just ask the quieter question. What would feel like freedom right now? What would feel like more life?

And notice what stirs.

Now, whatever came, I want you to place a hand on your heart, and simply own it.

Say inwardly, this is what I want. I don’t have to explain it. I don’t have to earn it. I’m allowed to want this.

Let that be true, just for this moment.

Take a mental snapshot of it.

The image, or the feeling, or the word. You’re going to carry it out of this meditation with you, because it’s the seed of everything we’re going to cast into the future.

Now begin to come back. Feel where your body meets the chair or the floor.

Wiggle your fingers. Take one deeper breath. And when you’re ready, open your eyes.

Welcome back.

Whatever came up for you, even if it was faint, even if it surprised you, that’s your starting point. Write it down as soon as you can, before the should-voices come back and start negotiating. That desire is the thing you’re going to do Futurecasting with.

1. Pick a future date. Six months, a year, or even a month from now. Write it at the top of the page.

2. Write in the present tense, as if that future has already arrived. Reflect back on everything that has happened since now. You are remembering what happened.

3. Be specific. Name the actual things. The relationship, the book, the money, the feeling. Any steps that you took to get to your desired end result. Vague wanting becomes real when it becomes words.

4. Feel it as you write. Don’t write it coldly. Write from joy, in your body, as if you are already living it. Emotion is what makes your brain take it as real.

5. Then look at your current reality and take one real step toward the bridge between where you are and where you wrote yourself to be.

And this is something I’d love to do with you, not just tell you about. Once a month, I’m going to gather my paid subscribers and we’re going to Future Cast together.

We’ll drop in, get in our bodies, and write ourselves into the future we actually want. And there is something powerful about doing this in a room full of women all reaching for more at the same time. The energy of it is different. If that calls to you, come and be part of it. It’s the structure, and the room, I wish I’d had all those years ago.

If this episode sparked something in you, I would love you to share it with a woman who has a dream she’s been sitting on. And if you don’t already subscribe to Fully Expressed, it would mean a lot to me to have you as a subscriber. And if you are a paid subscriber, I look forward to seeing you on our monthly Futurecasting sessions.

And if you’ve been with me for the other episodes, you’ll feel the thread. The pleasure, the body, holding two true things at once, refusing to disappear. This is all the same work. It’s all about becoming fully, unmistakably alive, knowing what we truly want, and then daring to reach for it.

The Tuning into Your Desire Meditation we just did together is also available on its own for my subscribers, so you can come back to it any time you need to get clear again.

I have written a song about owning our desire for what we want. I also wrote for my new man about our meeting. The songs are written by me and the music generated by AI. I hope you enjoy them.

🧈Turn Lead into Gold

💖Love Found Us - About meeting my new man

You can listen to my new album - Love Stories - that features this song on your favorite music platform.

Here’s to living Fully Expressed! And going for what we truly desire!

Love,

Ayesha xox

PS If you want to listen to a previous podcast I did about breaking my own heart, see the episode called The Heartbreak of Self-Betrayal.

[All images were generated by me using Midjourney.]

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Ayesha Hilton is a writer, creator and mentor who believes there is often far more within us than we have yet expressed. Through Fully Expressed, she explores creativity, identity, self-expression and life in midlife, and what it means to bring more of who we are into the world.

She also mentors women who want to turn their ideas into something real, including books, journals, podcasts and oracle decks. Her Card Deck Creators Toolkit has helped more than 1,200 women create their own card decks.

Find out how to work Ayesha if you’ve got something you want to express in the world!