Are you a victim of work-related ennui, melancholy or mesothelioma? Free Legal Advice Podcast is here to serve YOU!
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Did you know that the average fact annoys the living bajesus out of Ben? Did you know that bajesus is what they call Jesus in Australia? Did you know that Australia has more sheep than people? Did you know that sheep wool grows three times faster than human hair? Did you know that a human hair weighs more than ten trillion bacteria? Did you? Huh? DID YOU????
Don't fire until you see the whites of the eyes of that abstract concept! That's how wars are won. It's all about which part of the eye you can see. Obviously, the army with better vision wins every single time.
I'll just save you some time: If you're wondering whether or not I know a certain song, the answer is probably no. If the song was recorded at some point after my own birth, it's a mortal lock. The answers I give to the questions you are about to hear are absolutely true. Yes, I really am that weird.
You stumble upon a rogue podcast. It greets you warmly. To respond in kind, go to Episode 260. To ask it to repeat itself, go to Episode 383. To sit down, douse yourself in gasoline, and light a match, go to Episode 8.
Your lifestyle, nay, your entire personality, will consist of nothing but purchasing items with our logo on them. That will be the sum total of who you are as a human being. Your life will be measured by dollars spent on us. That is, if we did this thing right. Otherwise, it'll be business as usual. Your life will be measured by dollars spent on something else.
Matt's got another cold-open-em-up for all you Hoggies out there in Listenerland. And for you non-Hoggies, we've got a special treat this week: The same episode the Hoggies get! That's right, instead of your usual 35-minute-long backwards recording of Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass played over the sounds of old men weeping, this week you're actually getting the real episode! It's for one week…
This had better be the last time Ben does an entire episode of cold opens. Not because these are bad, or anything like that. It's just that I'm running out of alliterative titles for them. I've already used "Podcast Potpourri" and "Audio Assortment." I'm running on fumes, here.
This week, we're presented with a problem, and, just like all other weeks, that problem is easily solved by applying a solution from the world of professional wrestling. WAIT, DON'T GO YET! This episode is NOT about pro wrestling, seriously. It's about movies, more than anything. Everyone likes movies, right? PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T GO! Crap, I shouldn't have even mentioned the…
Traditions in America only go back a couple of centuries, and they're weird enough as it is. In Britain, the traditions go back a thousand years, and boy, do they get weird. Weird enough that they involve royalty calling dibs on particular swans.
Look for these warning signs in your children: Do they know way too much about nuclear stuff? Do they care way too much about nuclear stuff? Is their room full of way too much nuclear stuff? Do they have a colorful glow around them? It can be any color, they're all equally bad. If you answered yes to any of these questions, your child may be nearing the completion of a dangerous and deadly…
